Stuck
by HappyAuriga
Summary: Severus makes his NEWT students brew supplies for the hospital wing. Mayhem ensues.
1. Chapter 1

Stuck

„Severus," Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, looked at his potions instructor over the rim of his halfmoon spectacles. "How may I be of assistance today?" The old wizard supressed a sigh. The young professor – despite having taught at Hogwarts for nearly 20 years Severus Snape was still young enough to be his colleagues´ son or even grandson – had brought two of his students to Dumbledore´s office. True, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were trouble on feet, but the headmaster still thought dragging them in front of him by their necks was a bit harsh. The boys were only sixteen, so what could they have done to deserve such treatment?

"You don´t understand, headmaster," Snape pressed through gritted teeth, shooting the two boys murderous looks. "Potter and Malfoy have outdone themselves this time."

"I´m sure the offence is severe, or you wouldn´t have seen such crude measures fit," Dumbledore agree, following the school politics that, in doubt, the teacher was always right. "But I suggest you let go of the boys before you bring their deeds in front of me." The headmaster smiled in what he hoped was an appeasing way. Severus was well-known for his tantrums.

"That´s part of the problem," growled the potions master. "I can´t!"

"What do you mean you can´t?" Dumbledore got a feeling that this was more serious than he had thought at first sight. Potter and Malfoy looked both miserable. On second thought, this was unusual. Draco Malfoy would smirk at Harry being in trouble, even if he was, too, under normal circumstances.

"I mean I can´t like in I can´t," hissed Snape."How difficult is that to understand. I can´t."

"Severus, it requires a little movement of your fingers. Just loosen your grip and walk one step back," suggested Dumbledore, hoping against hope that this was just part of Severus´s dramatic staging.

"Oh great, as if I hadn´t thought about that!" spat the younger wizard. His lack of respect in addressing his superior was another indicator just how serious the situation was. He took a step back, dragging the two boys with him. Draco, who hadn´t been on the receiving end of Snape´s tempers so often, was caught by surprise and nearly lost his balance.

The headmaster got up from his chair and walked around his desk to have a closer look at the strange trio. A thorough inspection revealed that Snape wasn´t holding the boys, but was seemingly glued to them where he touched their necks.

"Were you brewing superglue?" Dumbledore asked, bewildered. He couldn´t remember seeing it on the curriculum.

"Of course not!" snapped Snape.

Dumbledore straightened his spectacles. "Is it safe to touch you? Or will I be glued to you, too?" he asked before investigating further.

"It´s safe. Several students tried to help us part. To no avail, obviously, but they didn´t get stuck, too." Snape sighed.

The headmaster examined the potions master´s right hand which was glued to Harry Potter´s neck first. After asking Harry´s permission, he moved the boy´s hair away and tried to lift Snape´s finger.

"Ouch!" the potions master and the wizarding hero cried in unison. This time Draco smirked, but stopped when his head of house shook him.

"Severus, there seems to be a substance between your hand and Harry´s skin," the headmaster pointed out. "Are you sure about the superglue? We could try out nailpolish remover. I heard it works with superglue."

"Headmaster," hissed Snape, "never did I, nor do I plan to, ever brew superglue in one of my classes. Superglue is muggle stuff. You can buy it at a supermarket, and the average sticking charm will outdo it easily. So why brew it?"

"So what is this stuff glueing you to the boys?" Dumbledore asked, worried.

"As if I knew! It´s obviously dangerous! So why would I brew it in class?"

"Severus, more than half of your first year curriculum consists of dangerous brews! Or do you really consider brews that melt cauldrons or explode harmless?"

"That´s beside the point! I didn´t teach any sticky potion!"

"So what did the class brew today?" Dumbledore asked curiously.

"Hospital supplies!" The potions master became more and more agitated. "Madam Pomfrey asked me to restock her supplies and I made the sixth and seventh years brew what she needed. I had the students draw lots what to brew."

"I see. Mr. Malfoy, what did you brew?" the headmaster addressed the blond boy for the first time.

"A paste to avoid scarring. Secumcuro. It´s specifically for cuts."

"And not sticky at all," added Snape.

"And you, Harry?"

"Febrideprimens, the fever potion. It´s not sticky either." The last was said with a glance at his infuriated teacher.

"So how did this happen?" The headmaster was bewildered.

"I don´t know!" admitted Snape. "I was at the other side of the classroom, helping Weasley with his burn oinment, when Potter started a fight with Malfoy."

"I didn´t start a fight!" cried Harry.

"So now it was me?" protested Draco. "You threw salamander scales into my cauldron!"

"Only after you had added wax to mine!"

"I didn´t! You can´t prove anything!"

"Malfoy," growled Snape, "this is not the time to deny anything! If you don´t want me to hang on your neck until next Christmas, you better confess which of your ingredients went to places they weren´t supposed to!"

Both boys paled. Then they confessed.

The headmaster asked them to restart after three minutes. The old wizard sat at his desk and noted down what the boys said. It turned out that both cauldrons had held an impressing number of secret additions, some of which weren´t even required for the potion the culprit was brewing.

"What, prey tell, made you go to the store cupboard, retrieve boomslang skin – a very expensive ingredient I´d like to add – and throw it into Potter´s cauldron?" Snape shook Malfoy again. "And you!" Potter got his share of shaking at this point, "why would you spend ten minutes slicing garlic just to ratten Malfoy´s potion?"

When the boys were done with their list of additions to the original recipes, the headmaster sighed. "As far as I can tell, nothing you mentioned should have led to this," he motioned at the three wizards in front of his desk, "result. – You mentioned a fight, Severus?"

"They were brawling like muggles!"

"I hit him after he had caused my cauldron to explode!" cried Harry. "He deserved it!"

"I hit him back after he had caused my cauldron to overflow!" Draco glared at the Gryffindor. "Look what you´ve done! Idiot!"

"You´re an idiot, yourself!" Harry glared back. "This is your fault."

"Shut up! Both of you!" Snape stepped closer to the desk, wiggling his way past the boys awkwardly. "I have to think! As both cauldrons stood on the same worktable and one flowed over and one exploded, the two liquids – I hesitate to call either of those mixtures a potion – merged. We have to take the list as a whole into account."

The two boys as well as the headmaster held their breath while the potions master pondered. The silence was broken occasionally by a trilling sound from the headmaster´s pet phoenix. It took nearly half an hour before Snape was done.

"I need the library. Now," was all the man said.

The headmaster led the way as Snape, his hands still attached to Potter and Malfoy, walked down to the library. Once there, the teacher set out for the restricted section immediately. Madam Pince was not pleased.

"Stop, professor!" the librarian cried and hurried after the quartet. "Potter and Malfoy are not allowed into the restricted section!"

"They are with the headmaster and a teacher," Snape pointed out, agitated.

"They don´t have a pass and you could be a student impersonating Professor Snape."

"And how would I impersonate Professor Snape if I was a student?"

"Polyjuice potion?"

"Students can´t brew polyjuice potion! It´s not part of the curriculum!"

"I ask you! Half of the wizarding households in Britain own at least one book with the recipe."

"I am professor Snape! I do not impersonate myself!"

"Prove it!"

"Woman! If you don´t let me into the restricted section now, I can´t be held responsible for what I will do to you! I will skin you alive, and believe me, I know at least five spells to achieve this, two of which I can perform without a wand!"

Madam Pince looked taken aback. "That will do," she snapped. "Be careful that the boys don´t nick a book, professor."

The headmaster, who had followed the exchange with a small smile and madly twinkling eyes, opened the door to the restricted section and the four wizards walked in. Dumbledore lit some candles while Snape dragged the boys to one of the bookshelves.

"Get me Moste Potente Potions, Potter," he ordered. "And you, Malfoy, get Potions for the Wicked."

When the boys had obeyed, the potions master pushed them to the small table where Dumbledore was waiting. He made them open the books on certain pages and started reading. Now and then he barked an order like "Turn the page!", but apart from that the potions master worked in silence.

After an hour of frantic work the man pulled the two boys to a chair and dropped into it, pulling the boys down in the course. Harry and Draco both dropped on the floor.

"We´re doomed!" moaned the man. "It seems that these two imbeciles unwittingly brewed a variety of Aggluessence."

"What?" the boys asked in unison. The headmaster didn´t ask, but his expression gave away he had no idea either.

"Magical superglue. You dimwits brewed magical superglue!"

The headmaster looked as if he wanted to say "I told you so!" but knowing Snape´s temper, he kept his silence.


	2. Chapter 2

The headmaster escorted Snape and his two attachments back to his office with an unusually grim expression. Snape looked livid, to say the least, and judging by the boys´ occasional stumbling, he had a hard time not shaking them constantly.

"What can you tell about this magical superglue?" Dumbledore asked when they had reached the privacy of his office.

"Nothing!" spat Snape. "As I said, it´s a variety of the original potion, the ingredients are not right, nor the way or time of stiring. Aggluessence itself is a permanent sticking potion. If we´re lucky – and I may point out that I never was – they may have changed the permanent part. I, at least, have no wish to be caught in this later Potter desaster forever!"

"Why is it a Potter desaster?" cried the boy on the potions master´s right. "It is a Malfoy desaster as much as a Snape desaster!"

"Don´t you dare accuse me!" hissed the potions master.

"Stop shaking me!" shouted the young Gryffindor. "Was it or was it not you who assigned me the working space beside Malfoy? You have known for more than five years that he does everything in his power to get me bad marks in Potions, nevertheless I end up beside him in every single lesson! Even if I start at the other side of the room!"

"Is this so, Severus?" the headmaster asked benignly. "If so, it doesn´t seem a very wise way of action."

"Did you ever hear me say the words ´Potter, take the seat beside Malfoy?´," Snape sneered.

Malfoy smirked at his fellow student despite the uncomfortable situation he was in. Snape raised an eyebrow.

"You´re a Slytherin," huffed the darkhaired boy. "You´re not as blatant as that."

"I think," the headmaster interfered, "we should stop accusing each other and try to think of a way to part you, or to at least make you more comfortable for the time being. Why don´t you sit down?" He pointed his wand at a group of chairs and turned them into a sofa. "This will be easier."

Snape maneuvred himself and the boys to the sofa and sat them down. The headmaster conjured a steaming teapot and a small plate of biscuits.

"Why don´t we have a bite before we try to sort this out," the old man suggested. He poured tea for four, not waiting for an answer. "A nice cuppa will calm us down."

Potter and Malfoy added sugar (Potter) and milk (Malfoy) to their cups and took a sip. The tea was, indeed, relaxing. Snape watched them for a minute or two before he cleared his throat. "As much as I despise to ask for your assistance, somebody will have to help me."

"Sorry, professor!" cried the blond boy. He added milk and honey to the middle cup, like he had seen his head of house prepare his tea before. "I never tried this before, so better be careful," he advised his teacher as he picked the cup up to bring it to the man´s lips.

"It´s too hot!" complained the potions master.

"Blow, Potter!" ordered Malfoy and held the cup to the other boy. The Gryffindor blushed, but obediently blew cool air at the surface of the steaming liquid.

"Better," sighed Snape as Draco held the cup to his lips again. "I´d like a biscuit now."

"My hands are full," Malfoy snarled at Harry. The other boy picked a biscuit from the plate and held it to Snape´s mouth.

"I want it dipped into my tea," snapped Snape.

"Sorry, professor." Potter turned to Malfoy. "Come closer with that cup!"

"Don´t you dare soil my robes," the blond boy glared at Harry.

As was to be expected with Gryffindor idiocy, Potter dipped the biscuit into the cup and then shook it in front of Malfoy´s face, sprinkling the other boy´s robes with tea.

"Aaargh!"

Snape shook both boys violently. Malfoy and Potter, both, were showered in tea.

"I will not tolerate this behaviour while I´m forced to be near you! You will show proper decorum, both of you, as it is fit for young wizards of breeding!" Snape roared.

"What would Potter know of breeding? Halfblood mongrel that he is," sneered Malfoy.

"What would Malfoy know about breeding? His whole family is so disgusting, I´m sure his father had to magic him because his mother couldn´t stand being touched!" the Gryffindor retorted. "At least my parents were in love!"

Malfoy dropped the cup he was still holding and tried to wrap his fingers around the other boy´s neck.

"No, you don´t!" groaned Snape as he used all his physical strenght to keep the boys apart. "Albus, do something!" Malfoy displayed a surprising amount of strenght, as he tried to strangle his Gryffindor classmate. Potter, on the other hand, being a true lion, was not one to avoid a fight. He tried to hit the blond boy. It was clear that Snape wasn´t going to be able to keep them from fighting for long.

"Enough!" thundered Dumbledore. "You will behave while I try to think of what to do! You two," he glared at the boys in turn, "should be ashamed! Professor Snape, who is least to blame for this unfortunate situation, hasn´t had anything to eat or drink yet as you spilled his tea and dropped his biscuit! I´m disgusted!"

"Sorry, professor!" mumbled both boys. Malfoy drew his wand and conjured a new cup. Potter got the pot and poured fresh tea for his potions master. While the young Slytherin prepared the tea to Snape´s liking, Potter chose a new biscuit.

This time everything went well. Malfoy held the tea in front of Snape´s nose. Potter dipped the biscuit in and then held it for Snape to take a bite. When the teacher had finished his biscuit, Malfoy held the cup to his lips and the professor took a big gulp of tea.

"Thank you," sighed the wizard.

"You´re welcome, Sir," Malfoy said politely.

"See?" Dumbledore said cheerfully. "Everything goes well when you work together. Why does it always take a medium desaster for you to realise that?"

The two boys blushed.

"Did you come up with a way to help us?" Snape asked curiously.

"Unless you´re ready to have your hands cut off," Dumbledore prevented another tantrum from his potions instructor with a raised hand, "I think we should try to come up with an antidote."

"Finding an antidote for a potion we don´t really know could prove difficult," the head of Slytherin pointed out.

"That´s why I suggest bringing the best potions experts here. You can´t do it on your own, Severus. Especially as you can´t use your hands. And as we speak of it, neither can you use your wand."

Snape paled visibly. As long as he was glued to Potter and Malfoy he was as good as a squib! True, he had threatened Madam Pince with wandless magic, but truth to be told, he had never as much as lit a candle without a wand. "Potions experts? Whom do you have in mind?" Snape asked, resigned. He was going to be the laughing stock of the potioneering community.

"I thought we´d ask Horace Slughorn for a start. He´s your old head of house."

"Horace? I´d rather be stuck to Potter and Malfoy until Christmas!" huffed Snape. Slughorn was hard to please, and he was not going to ruin his reputation with the man because of these two students! "I suggest you have a look at the formula, Albus. Your knowledge about potions should be more than sufficient to solve the problem."

"I´m flattered, Severus, but you know very well that I haven´t worked in the field for several decades. I´m afraid my expertise won´t be enough. But thinking of it, it may be a good idea to ask Nicholas."

"Nicholas?" Snape echoed in a small voice.

"Flamel? I thought he´s dead!" cried Potter.

"Not yet, Harry, not yet. I told you he had enough elexir to settle his affairs. You didn´t think I was talking about hours, did you? Nicholas has some years left and my old friend is always interested in a good puzzle."

"Puzzle?" snarled Snape. "I refuse to be oggled by another old coot like a piece of meat! I´m not a puzzle!"

"Severus, problem is such a harsh word. I´d rather speak of a puzzle," the headmaster smiled benignly. "I, too, am worried about your reputation. Interesting results sounds so much better than problems. I´ll write to Horace and Nicholas this very minute." The old wizard rummaged in a drawer for parchment and quill and started to write.

"Tell me what you´re writing!" demanded Snape.

"You´re not going to violate the privacy of my mail," Dumbledore looked over his glasses sternly.

"As you´re writing about me, I have a right to know!" insisted Snape.

Malfoy and Potter watched the exchange in silence.

The headmaster complied with a sigh. "Dear Nicholas," he read out, "I´m writing to you in order to get your attention to a most interesting event that occured during seventh year potions here at Hogwarts. A rather uncommon mixture of ingredients produced most exciting results. My potions instructor is beside himself. What about you floo over here and have a look? Your old friend Albus"

"I´m not beside myself!" growled Snape.

"I know, my boy, I know. It´s all about luring him here!" explained the old wizard. He called Fawkes to his side with a wave of his hand and gave him the letter to deliver. "So, Horace is next." The sorcerer sucked the tip of his quill for a minute before he started to write.

"Dear Horace," he muttered while he wrote, "I have a problem and need your help. You don´t mind working with Harry Potter, do you? Albus"

"Why would he mind working with me?" Potter asked selfconsciously.

"He won´t," groaned Snape. "You don´t know Horace Slughorn! The man..."

The potions master was interrupted by the fire in the hearth turning green. A very small, very old wizard stepped out of the flames and removed the ashes from his robes with a wave of his wand.

"Albus!" the small man cried and hurried to the headmaster. The two wizards hugged and patted each other´s back. "It must have been centuries!"

"Decades, Nicholas, only decades!" Dumbledore corrected his old friend.

"Now, where is that exciting potions experiment?" Flamel went to the heart of matters immediately. "What happened?"

Dumbledore pointed at the trio on the sofa. "May I introduce my potions instructor, Severus Snape, the Chosen One, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy? It seems that Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy accidentally brewed magical superglue."

"Superglue? Isn´t that the stuff the muggles sell?" Flamel stepped closer and extended his hand to Snape, who made a face as if he had bitten into a lemon. "Albus," the ancient wizard stagewhispered when his hand wasn´t taken, "are you sure it´s a good idea to let this guy near children? What is he doing, anyway? Is there a rational explanation as to why he´s fondling the boys´ necks?"

"I´m not fondling anything! I haven´t fondled anything, ever!" roared Snape, jumping to his feet. The boys yelped as they were pulled up.

Flamel looked deadpan. "Albus, don´t tell me your potions instructor is glued to your students!"

"Why would he tell you, when it´s obvious!" snarled Snape. "These two idiotic boys produced a variety of Aggluessence and I was unlucky enough to touch them in the course of preventing a brawl in the twenty or so seconds the brew was efficacous. And if the situation wasn´t bad enough, my superior sees it fit to call for a senile coot to make fun of me!"

"Severus, do calm down!" Dumbledore begged.

"He´s a bit mercurial, isn´t he?" Flamel pointed out, ignoring the insult.

"Not really, he´s a quiet one, usually. He´s just a bit upset because he can´t use his wand," Dumbledore explained.

"Who can´t use their wand?" An obese wizard in dark green robes had just left the fireplace. "Nicholas Flamel! What an honour!"

The headmaster introduced his old friend and partner Nicholas Flamel to his younger friend, Horace Slughorn and then the latter to Harry and Draco.

Snape tried to avoid eye contact with the fat wizard.

"Severus," the man said jovially, "there´s no need to be embarrassed. This could have happened to anybody! – Well, it didn´t happen to me in more than thirty years of teaching, but it could have." Slughorn´s face contorted with tremours. The man fought hard not to laugh, but it was a losing battle. At last he gave in and dropped into an armchair, roaring with laughter. "I have to thank you for calling me, Albus! This is hilarious!" he panted between fits of giggles.

"I really don´t see what is so funny," snapped Snape.

At that, Nicholas Flamel joined the laughter, and so would have Dumbledore, weren´t it for the three wizards on the sofa´s miserable looks.

Snape watched the laughing wizards defiantly. Never had he wished so strongly to be more powerful. Powerful enough for wandless magic. How typical of Horace Slughorn to roll laughing over Severus´s plight! The man had watched the withdrawn youth be tortured by his Gryffindor classmates for seven long years without moving a finger. As his head of house, Slughorn had been present when Potter and Black were dealt with, but not even Black´s attempt of killing the Slytherin had caused the man to finally act.

Severus had worked hard in potions ever since he had set foot into that classroom, to please his teacher, craving for some sort of acknowledgment for his abilities. Instead the man had praised Lily Evans for copying Severus´s work! And even as an adult, the young potions master had to admit, he had worked to live up to Slughorn´s standards in potions class. Of course, he had not only met them, but reset them on a higher level.

And now the man was laughing at him! To make matters worse, Nicholas Flamel had joined in!

A moan from his left side brought the young wizard back to the present. He must have tried to clench his fists when he watched the other two potions master gasp for air between laughing fits. Potter and Malfoy were both the colour of fresh cherries, fighting for air themselves, but for a different reason.

Guiltily Severus loosened his grip on the boys. Potter panted as if he had just run the marathon, Malfoy managed a faint thank-you. Snape muttered an apology, softly enough for only the boys to hear.

"I guess that´s enough," Dumbledore scolded his two friends after a period of time much too long for Snape´s taste. "Severus and the boys need help. They can´t stay stuck to each other. I called you here to help come up with an antidote as Severus is not in a position to brew one himself."

Flamel was all business in an instant. He even had the decency to look guilty. "I´ll have to examine the glue first."

"Here´s a list of the ingredients." Albus handed the ancient wizard the parchment he had used to take notes earlier.

Flamel rummaged in his pocket and retrieved a pair of glasses, which looked old enough to have been a gift from his grandfather at some point. He used the hem of his robes to wipe them, revealing a pair of very hairy, crooked legs in the process.


	3. Chapter 3

"I have some questions concerning this list," Nicholas Flamel stated when he had finished reading. "Mr. Malfoy, that lizard scale you added, was it from the head or the tail of the lizard?"

"It was from a jar," Malfoy said, dumbfounded.

"Professor," Flamel looked at Severus sternly, "does that mean that your students are not able to tell the difference between a head scale or a tail scale?"

Snape shook his head.

"Really, Albus, you should choose your teachers more carefully," Flamel said solemnly. Snape made a mental note to curse the man once he could hold a wand.

"Now look, Flamel," Slughorn joined the conversation, "it makes barely a difference whether a scale is from the head or the tail of a beast! Details as sofisticated as that are only required for very special potions."

"Well, if Aggluessence isn´t special, then I don´t know what is," said Flamel. "Albus, why did you call for this fraud? He not only doesn´t know the finer details of brewing, he even denies them!"

"I´m a very competent potions master!" cried Slughorn. "I taught at this school for decades!"

"What an achievement, seeing the charlatan that holds the position now," Flamel delivered deadpan.

Severus had to use all his willpower to avoid another tantrum that would hurt Potter and Malfoy. He took several very slow breaths and counted up to fifty in his mind. He nearly missed the most unexpected of people coming to his defence.

"Professor Snape is a very good teacher!" Harry Potter stated defiantly. "It´s not his fault that Malfoy and I fooled around. Professor Snape´s students do extraordinarily well in OWLs and NEWTs. Everybody knows that!"

"Do they?" smirked Flamel. "You don´t expect me to be awed when that piece of information comes from the boy whose neck he´s caressing, do you?"

Severus saw the next coming, but he´d not have been willing to stop Potter even if he had had his wand. The boy drew his wand in one smooth movement. Bluish spell-light hit Flamel in the chest and the old wizard started to tap dance.

"Tarantallegra, Potter?" Snape asked, surprised.

"I couldn´t hit the old wreck with something serious, could I?"

The headmaster and Slughorn looked at Harry and the still tap dancing Nicholas in turn. "This was a very impolite thing to do, Harry," scolded Dumbledore.

"He was being impolite first, Sir!" protested the Gryffindor and strangely enough, Malfoy nodded in agreement. "He insulted me and professor Snape, both!"

"Stop arguing and stop me!" squealed the tiny wizard. He had tapdanced to Fawkes´s perch and dropped a handful of bird seed to the floor to improve his tapping. As a result, the old man slipped around the room with every move.

"Sorry, Nicholas," murmured Dumbledore and cast Finite Incantatem.

"Merlin! I´m too old for this!" panted Flamel as he leaned on the headmaster´s desk heavily.

"That was a quite impressive piece of spellwork, Mr. Potter," Slughorn pointed out, earning himself a murderous glare from Flamel.

"Back to the matter at hand," said Flamel when he had caught his breath. "I need to know more about that scale. Snape, what did you put into that jar?"

"I refilled it only last week. The scales of a whole lizard."

"How much of the stuff was used since?"

Snape went over what he had brewed with his classes since he had filled the jar. "Nothing."

"So there should be the scales of a whole lizard minus the one Mr. Malfoy used?"

"If nobody else took one although they weren´t supposed to," confirmed Snape, glaring at the two boys meaningfully.

"In this case we will get the jar and see what kind of scale is missing," ordered Flamel.

"I can go and get the jar. Severus is much too klutzy at the time being," cried Slughorn. "Just tell me where to find it, Severus."

The young potions master described the position of the jar grudgingly and Slughorn took off to the dungeons. Meanwhile Flamel continued going over the ingredient list.

"Mister Potter, how much chicken saliva did you use exactly?"

"A big dash," confessed Harry.

"Try to be a little more exact. How big was the dash? How many drops?"

"It´s in the nature of a dash not to count the drops," the young Gryffindor said defiantly.

"If I had foregone counting drops, I´d never have successfully made the philosopher´s stone!" growled Flamel. "Albus! This is annoying!"

"Nicholas, try to remember what it was like to be a boy! Did you never play a prank?" the headmaster tried to calm his old friend down. The effect was not the desired one.

"A prank?" roared Snape, jumping to his feet. "You call this a prank?" He shook his two handfuls of boy. Potter and Malfoy yelped again. The Gryffindor, true to his house, gripped Snape´s wrist and tried to steady the potions master´s hand.

"Stop shaking me!" he hissed angrily. "I´m not your floor cloth!"

"This situation is entirely your fault!" the head of Slytherin shouted at the boy, spraying him in spit. "I will shake you as much as I like!"

"Severus!" Dumbledore cried sternly.

The row was interrupted by a miserable howl coming from the headmaster´s desk. It was Flamel, who was wailing like a child. "I don´t remember!" he howled. "It´s been too long! How am I to remember what was nearly seven centuries ago! It´s like I was old ever since I was born!" The old wizard sobbed.

"Nicholas! Get a grip on yourself," Dumbledore said gently. He shot Snape a warning look before he bustled over to his former partner in alchemy. "In this state, you´re not helpful. You haven´t been old since you were born."

"Prove it!" whined the small man. "Tell me about when I was a boy!"

"Nicholas, be reasonable. How can I do that, when I´m more than half a millenium your junior?" The headmaster patted his friend´s shoulder soothingly. His question was answered by another howl.

"What have you done to him?" Slughorn was back with the jar of scales. He handed it to Malfoy before he joined his former superior at the desk.

"Nicholas wants to be reminded of his youth," whispered Dumbledore. "Don´t ask how we´re supposed to do that."

"Binns."

The headmaster looked over at the sofa, where Snape was grinning smugly.

"What did you say?"

"Binns must be old enough to remember Flamel´s youth. He did attend Hogwarts in his time, I suppose?"

"It´s worth a try," admitted Dumbledore. "Everard, kindly notify Cuthbert he is needed here."

Everard, a sallow-faced wizard with a short black fringe, hurried out of his frame with a curt nod, but returned within the minute and sat back down on the beautifully carved wooden chair he had been painted on. Seconds later Hogwarts´ only ghost teacher floated into the office.

"Cuthbert," said Dumbledore in greeting. "We have a guest and I was wondering whether you knew him."

The ghost looked at the still sobbing ancient wizard. He floated around the desk twice before he stopped short.

"Nicholas?" he cried, his voice heavy with emotion. "Nicholas Flamel?"

The old wizard wiped his eyes and snivelled. "Cuthbert? Is it really you?"

"You know each other?" Slughorn questioned the obvious.

"Of course!" Flamel cried. "Cuthbert and I shared a dorm for seven years! Do you remember how we hexed that blonde Ravenclaw´s plaits to quarrel all the time? What was her name again? Agnes?"

"No! Agnes was the Slytherin we fed sneezing potion the evening before her OWLs. The blonde was called Semira!"

"Semira? I thought that was the headmaster´s sister?"

Flamel and the ghost were absorbed in memories within the second and left the office to talk at a more private place. Binns giggled as he followed Flamel through the door, muttering that he hadn´t used a door in centuries.

"Where does he think he´s going?" asked Malfoy, puzzled. "He´s supposed to help us!"

"Mister Malfoy," the headmaster replied sternly, "Nicholas is older than the entire Malfoy line. It is not your place to question what he´s doing. And he left you a task unless I´m very much mistaken."

"A task?" Malfoy paled.

"Well, who do you think is going to find out which scale is missing?" Slughorn pointed at the jar he had placed beside the plate of biscuits.

"You can´t be serious!" complained the blond boy. "A lizard must have thousands of scales!" At that, Snape saw it fit to remind the younger Slytherin of their plight by shaking him. "Okay, okay!" cried Draco. "I´ll do it!"

The boy started to clear the cups and plates away. Snape protested when the blond tried to get rid of his cup, so the man was offered a sip of tea once again. Once there was enough room on the table, he turned over the small jar and emptied it on the tabletop.

"What a task!" the Slytherin moaned. "You better help me, Potter, or we´ll be stuck here forever." The boys started sorting the scales by size.

Slughorn and Dumbledore exchanged a glance and a smile and then sat down beside the strange trio to discuss the ´magical superglue´ that had stuck Snape to his students and involve the very man if need be.

"I´m a bit worried about the phoenix ashes," said Slughorn. "It´s often used to lengthen the span of efficacy of potions."

"I was worried, too, when they mentioned it," said Snape, "but don´t forget that phoenix ashes require a certain way of stirring. I´m quite sure neither of them stirred their brew in eights."

"Sir," Harry Potter blushed crimson. "Now that you mention it, I may have."

"What?" Snape was on his feet with the speed of light. "I´ve been trying to teach you that for more than six years and you never did it properly! And now you´re telling me you used the technique to spoil Malfoy´s potion?" The potions master breathed fire and brimstone. "You imbecilic little boy!"

At least Potter had the decency to look embarrassed. He hung his head as far as it would go with Snape´s hand in his neck.

"Stop it, Sir!" Malfoy cried frantically. "You´re losing the scales!" Both boys dropped to the floor, taking Snape down in the course, and started gathering scales from the floor.

"For Merlin´s sake, are you wizards or what?" growled the obese wizard. He pointed his wand at the room at large and cried "Accio scales!"

"Noooooo!" Dumbledore had his wand out instantly and started muttering in quick Latin, watched by four very bewildered wizards. "You really have to be more specific with your spells, Horace! Are you alright, Nestor?" The old wizard hurried to the window behind his desk. "Horace didn´t mean to hurt you. Don´t be afraid!"

The other four wizards craned their neck to see past the headmaster, but whatever was on the window sill, Dumbledore shielded it from their view with his body.

"I didn´t mean any harm, Albus," the fat potions master said, subdued. "I wasn´t aware that you had a creature with scales in here."

"But I have!" cried the old wizard. He reached for the window sill and removed a small glass sphere from behind the curtain. In the glass was a small blood-red fish with impressing fins that waverd around him like a cloud. "Meet Nestor, my Siamese Fighting Fish! Isn´t he a beauty?"

Snape rolled his eyes. Slughorn frowned at the small fish. Malfoy didn´t look at the fish at all, but stared at the headmaster as if the man had lost his mind.

"Why is he called a fighting fish, Sir?" Harry Potter asked curiously.

"I was hoping that you were going to ask," cried Dumbledore. He put the glass on the table. "Look!" He held a small mirror in front of the glass and the fish attacked his reflection immediately. The small creature put on frills, the fin cloud became even more impressive and the fish hit the glass wall with his nose repeatedly. "He won´t tolerate a second specimen of his species near him."

"How very interesting," Snape drawled, obviously bored.

"Yes, isn´t he?" the headmaster put his mirror back into a pocket of his robes. "Where were we?"

"I was trying to collect the scales your potions master spilled all around the room!" Slughorn pointed out, glad that he could blame somebody else.

"Indeed, you were," agreed Dumbledore. "Let me do it. – Don´t be afraid, Nestor, I´ll word the spell very carefully. – Accio lizard scales!" He pointed his wand at the table and the scales gathered in the middle of the table obediently. "See, you´re safe with me!" Muttering nonsense words in an affectionate tone, he carried the glass back to the window.

"Professor, can you sort the scales magically?" Harry Potter asked shyly when the old wizard returned to the table.

A little later the five wizards looked at a small lizard closely to find out which scale was missing. Suddenly Snape gasped. "The tip of the tail!"

"Great! The most powerful one," Slughorn groaned. "Severus, I´m starting to think that these two boys are cursed!"

"Well, it´s at least true for Potter," grinned Malfoy. "He even has a scar where the curse hit him. Don´t you, scarhead?"

The Gryffindor glared back at the other boy. "At least my name doesn´t mean bad luck."

Malfoy sneered. "No, instead it means that your ancestors were up to their elbows in wet clay. So noble!"

"Better honest work than gathering a fortune by toadyism." Potter hissed through gritted teeth.

"Whom do you accuse of toadyism?" Malfoy jumped at the Gryffindor and hit him on the nose. The Gryffindor hit back without hesitation.

"Severus, do something!" cried Dumbledore.

"Why would I?" sneered the potions master. "They´ve been attempting to kill each other every half hour ever since we were glued together. I think it´s best to let them and then cut their corpses off my hands. I´ll be free in a whim."

"As your superior I order you to seperate them!" the headmaster shouted angrily.

"Make me!" smirked Snape.

"Don´t tempt me!" the old wizard hissed. "My patience won´t last forever!" He brandished his wand threateningly.

Severus gave in with a melodramatic sigh. He had to work with all his strenght, though, to seperate the fighting cocks. When he had succeeded he was panting with exhaustion.

"And you two," Dumbledore raged on, "behave! First you cause trouble and then you do everything to make your innocent victim as miserable as possible! I´m absolutely..." The boys never learned what the old wizard was, for the rant was interrupted by the arrival of an owl flapping against the window pane. "Merlin´s pants, what now?!" The headmaster stomped over to the window and flung it open.

The owl ignored the raging wizard and flew over to where Snape and the boys sat.

"Fanmail, Potter?" Snape smirked.

Harry glared daggers at the black-clad wizard, but was spared an answer to that by the owl landing in front of Malfoy and holding out its leg with a small parcel.

"It seems Malfoy´s mother wrote," the Gryffindor smirked. "For who else would want to write to him?"

"Not again!" shouted Dumbledore from the window. "And you, bird, out! Now!"

Malfoy hastened to unbind his parcel from the owl´s leg before the bird obeyed and flew out of the window.

"So, is it from Mummy?" Potter teased, oblivious of the headmaster´s strained mood.

"It is!" Malfoy unwrapped his parcel carefully. "And as you´re an idiot, you won´t get a bit of it! – Chocolate, professor?" He held out a box to Snape offeringly.

"Yes, please."

Malfoy made a show of picking a chocolate and putting it into Snape´s mouth.

"Delicious!" Snape smirked at Harry malevolently.

"Indeed!" Malfoy licked his fingers after having a sweet himself. "Delicious. – Another one, Sir?"

"If it isn´t too much of a hardship to share, Mr. Malfoy." The young potions master smiled at the blond. A muscle in his cheek twitched at the unfamiliar movement.

Draco beamed back at the man as if he had just been offered half of the empire. "Hardship? I´m honoured, Sir!" He held out another piece of chocolate for his head of house. Snape opened his mouth just wide enough to get the sweet and the blond had to push it in. Both looked ecstatic.

"I knew this potions master of yours can´t be trusted, Albus!" cried Flamel from the door. "Are you sure he can be trusted with children?"

"Yes, he can!" Dumbledore lost countenance. He screamed at his old friend at the top of his lungs. "He´s just being childish! He may very well be the most childish wizard on that sofa!"

Flamel looked hurt at being shouted at. Snape looked scandalized. Harry looked smug. Draco looked taken aback. Slughorn went to the headmaster and patted his shoulder soothingly. "Now, now, Albus! There´s no reason to act so emotionally. It´s not Nicholas´s fault after all!"

"No, it isn´t. It´s Potter´s!" Snape agreed from the sofa.

"Shut up, Severus!" Dumbledore and Slughorn cried in unison.


	4. Chapter 4

"It seems you had a straining time while I had my chat with Cuthbert," muttered Flamel. "But we really should get back to business if we want to seperate those three in the near future. Did you find out about the lizard scale?"

Slughorn, being the calmer potions master present, gave the old alchimist a summary of what they had found out so far.

"The tip of the tail?" cried the small wizard. "You must be kidding! The odds of getting the tip of the tail when taking a random scale of a whole lizard are neglectably small! You must be cursed!" He observed the trio pityingly.

Slughorn grinned. "Just what I said."

"One word, Malfoy, and I´ll give you a scar on your pretty face!" hissed Harry.

The blond blushed. "You think I´m pretty?"

"We will not discuss that now!" Snape interfered before Harry was able to answer.

Nicholas Flamel withdrew to the far corner of the room after hearing the rest of Slughorn´s report. After a little while he summoned parchment and a quill from the headmaster´s desk and started to scribble, all the while muttering under his breath. From time to time, he scratched things out, only to start scribbling anew.

"Would it hurt to not leave us in the dark?" Snape growled after a quarter hour.

"Why would I bother to tell you when you obviously," – Flamel glanced at the young potions master meaningfully – "are not capable of contributing anything helpful? I´d say all that can be expected is you making things worse. And now be quiet and let me think." He resumed his scribbling, oblivious of Snape´s change of facial colour.

Harry and Draco braced themselves for another outburst of rage, which would – undoubtedly – result in another abuse of their neck, but it never came. Snape was too busy looking at his fellow head of house, Minerva McGonagall, who had just entered the office.

"Albus," said the witch, making a bee-line for the headmaster, "Potter wasn´t in the Great Hall for dinner! Do you know anything about him being in detention? Severus was missing, too, but so was the Malfoy boy and now I have no idea whether Potter is just scrubbing cauldrons for Severus or fighting with Malfoy somewhere in the castle."

"Don´t worry, Minerva," Dumbledore said kindly. "Harry is quite safe." He turned the witch gently.

"Thanks Merlin, Mr. Potter!" cried the Gryffindor professor. "I was, indeed, worried!" She only took in the assembly of wizards in the office now. "What have you gotten yourself into this time?"

"He´s stuck to me," Snape informed his colleague with a sigh of resignation. "Slughorn and Flamel are trying to come up with a solution for the problem."

The witch stepped closer to the sofa. "What is this substance on your fingers?" she asked with interest.

"Magical superglue." As the witch was not a potions expert, Snape saw no reason to elaborate further.

"I see. Have you tried nailpolish remover?"

"We´re talking about a highly efficient potion, not about the muggle excuse for a sticking aid!" Snape was scandalized. He glared daggers at McGonagall.

"Anyway," the witch dismissed the idea, "Mr. Potter, how did this happen?"

Harry´s eyes darted the room for help, but there was none. "Malfoy and I experimented with our brews," he tried to gloss over what had happened. "It went terribly wrong."

"Experimented?" the Transfiguration teacher chuckled, but there was no humour behind the sound. "I´d rather think you tried to spoil each other´s work! Serve you right that you´re stuck!"

Snape cleared his throat.

"Don´t look at me like that," the witch snapped at her younger colleague. "You were responsible for them, so it serves you right as well!"

The potions master tried to protest, but McGonagall stared him down, her lips so thin they were barely visible.

"So, I understand you called Nicholas and Horace for help?" the witch turned back to the headmaster. "Any progress?"

"I´m a wizard, not a provider of miracles!" Flamel cried from his corner, where he was still scribbling frantically.

The following awkward silence was broken by a low grumbling sound. Everybody looked around to see what it was. McGonagall was the fastest to understand.

"Mr. Potter, have you eaten today?"

"Breakfast and a biscuit," muttered the boy, blushing crimson.

"Albus! What has become of watching out for your charges´ wellbeing? The boys are hungry!"

A little later two house elves delivered a huge tray of food. There was roast chicken, shepherd´s pie and stew with various side dishes of vegetables and potatoe, along with a huge jug of pumpkin juice.

Potter and Malfoy dig in as soon as the tray touched the coffee table in front of them, Potter shoveling shepherd´s pie onto his plate like a starved man. The Malfoy heir managed to show a little more dignity as he had had some chocolates earlier, but he, too, was rather quick to load his plate.

The boys continued spooning food into their mouth until Snape cleared his throat noisily. "Excuse me," he snarled, "but I think you forgot something."

Looking guilty, the boys started to fill the potions master´s plate. Draco adding vegetables only after looking at the man questioningly, Potter just as quickly as possible.

McGonagall watched for a minute before she sat on a corner of the coffee table and took a fork. "Let me do this," she ordered, "you boys eat." That said, the witch started feeding Snape bits of carrots, roast chicken and mashed potatoes.

The man shook his head vigorously when his fellow head of house spiked a piece of broccoli on the fork. He pressed his lips together as if his life depended upon it.

"Now, don´t be ridiculous, Severus. Broccoli is a very healthy vegetable. Open your mouth!"

Snape shook his head again.

"I must insist! This situation puts a strain on your body, you´ll need all the vitamines you can get."

"´T ta´tes bile," the young wizard pressed out without really opening his lips.

"Oh, come on! Don´t be a baby! Broccoli is a heavily underestimated plant. It´s delicious!" McGonagall wiggled the broccoli under Snape´s nose to tempt him with the smell.

The potions master made a face.

"It´s rich in vitamins A, B and especially C," the witch lectured, "and an excellent source for iron, phosphorus, zinc, magnesium and pottasium and," she added with triumph, "it´s nearly fatfree! – Open your mouth!"

"If it´s so great, why isn´t there a single potion using broccoli?" roared Snape, scandalized.

McGonagall used the outburst to place the broccoli in her colleague´s mouth with a little cry of victory.

"But there is!" Flamel made himself heard from his corner of the room. "Nodo. It came out of fashion about 300 years ago. It twists the drinker´s guts into knots. I, myself, brewed the antidote for Nodo on many occasions."

"That was mean, woman," hissed Snape at McGonagall, "Don´t forget that I won´t be stuck to these sorry excuses for wizards forever!"

"What do you want to do?" chuckled the witch, "Forcefeed me," – she wiggled another piece of broccoli in front of Snape and pushed it into his mouth when he opened it to utter another threat – "broccoli?" She chose a piece of chicken to go into the man´s mouth next.

After the meal the head of Gryffindor made her peace with Snape by transfiguring a snippet of carrot into a long straw and thus enabling the man to drink without help.

"Are you finished?"

Flamel had left his corner and joined the group at the sofa. "I have something I think is worth trying." He put the parchment onto the table, which the headmaster had cleared with a wave of his wand. "I think an infusion of tomatoe blossom and gillyweed is the solution to our problem."

"What?" Snape cried. "Tomatoe blossoms can only be used fresh. It would take Madam Sprout at least three weeks to provide them! And gillyweed is best harvested at the full moon! And that was last week! You don´t mean to tell me that I´m going to be stuck with Potter and Malfoy for nearly a month!"

"I´m afraid so," smirked Flamel. "You really should be more careful in class."

"We will not stop working while we wait," Dumbledore said kindly. "Perhaps we´ll find a quicker solution in the meantime, but I suggest we put Nicholas´s plan into practice immediately. I´ll go and notify Madam Sprout."

"I´ll be back when you have the ingredients or when I think of something else," said Flamel and threw a handful of floo powder into the fireplace.

Horace Slughorn took his leave shortly after Flamel. He only stayed a little bit longer to reassure his former student that he was going to do his best to come up with a quicker solution. "You know," the fat man said proudly, "I know some exceptionally gifted potions experts. I shall talk to them about your dilemma, and I´m sure your problem will be solved in a whim!"

Snape made a face. Just what he needed, his mishap being revealed to the potioneering community. The teacher groaned. His reputation was going to be ruined forever! It wasn´t so much himself he was worried about, as he was used to being unpopular, but so far his name had bought his graduates a good start in working society. But what good would it do to mention that you were taught by the wizarding world´s laughing stock?

The young potions master fought down the urge to throttle Potter and Malfoy singlehandedly and gave in to the inevitable. "Headmaster," he said instead, "may I bring another problem to your attention? As we won´t be seperated successfully today, we will need to make sleeping arrangements."

"What?" shrieked Potter. "There´s no way I´m going to share with Malfoy!"

"As if you were a catch to brag about having shared a bed with you," snapped the blond boy.

"Better the Boy Who Lived than a deatheater in training!" Potter snapped back. "Who´d want to even admit they had shared with you, let alone brag!"

"At least I´m pretty! You said so yourself!"

"Of course you´re pretty. If one likes them pale and pointy." Potter smirked.

"Pale and pointy? I´ll give you pale and pointy!" Malfoy tried to hit the Gryffindor, but this time Snape was prepared.

"Do something, Albus!" he demanded. "How am I supposed to survive the night? Or worse, next week?"

The headmaster stroked his long beard pensively. "This could become a problem," he admitted, stopping Snape´s with a raised hand. "Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Potter, I have to ask you to behave in the future or I will have you sedated every night in order to grant professor Snape his sleep."

"What about lesson?" McGonagall made herself heard. "Will Severus go to the boys´ lessons or the boys to his?"

"Minerva, you know that we can´t afford to pay two potions teachers. Severus will have to teach."

"Teach?" Snape piped in a highpitched voice. "How am I supposed to teach when I can´t use a wand? Who is going to prevent desaster when something goes wrong?"

"Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy are very capable of using a wand. They can do it for you." Dumbledore smiled happily.

"Those two?" Snape´s voice went up a little higher. "Are you crazy?"

"Severus," The headmaster said sternly, "I really don´t mean to rub it in, but you had a wand in your seventh year lesson and see where you are!"

Snape glared daggers at his superior, but said nothing.

"So, where are they going to sleep?" the head of Gryffindor came back to the heart of matters. "They can hardly go to one of the dormitories and Severus´s quarters would be highly inappropriate." She looked at the headmaster expectantly.

"You´re right, Minerva. I guess it will be best to assign them special quarters while this situation lasts."

"A teacher residing with two students? Really, Albus. The press will have a field day and the parents will have your hide."

"So what do you suggest?"

"A chaperone! They can´t stay without a chaperone!" The witch said sternly. "Anything else would cause trouble."

"Hm. It would be good, if the chaperone was one of Severus´s superiors. That way we´d take him out of the line of fire."

"That´s very good of you to volunteer yourself, Albus." McGonagall smiled.

"But I´m not!" the old wizard flashed his colleague a brilliant smile. "You are my deputy after all. And seeing that has his head of house nearby, it´s only just to grant the same privilege." Dumbledore beamed as if Christmas had come early.

"What?" shrieked McGonagall.

"It´s settled," the headmaster ignored her. "I´ll help you set up your living room for Severus and the boys." He led the way to the door. "You three can get up from that sofa without help, can´t you?"

By the time they had reached the inconspicious little door near the headmaster´s office the witch was fuming. Nevertheless she opened the door obediently.


	5. Chapter 5

Professor McGonagall´s quarters were warm and cosy. There was a roaring fireplace with a squashy tartan sofa and a matching armchair. The walls were decorated with quilts and a dozen of photographs. The people in the frames seemed to be part of the witch´s family as many of the faces shared her facial features.

"Mum!" the picture of a young girl of perhaps sixteen years cried. "Whom are you bringing here? Is this your new boyfriend? He´s a bit young, don´t you think?"

McGonagall blushed. "This is my colleague Severus, Arista, and two of our students. – Severus, this is my daughter Arista."

"My pleasure, Miss Arista," Snape hinted a bow.

"Mother, why is Severus hugging the boys?"

"He´s not hugging them. He´s glued to them, sweetheart."

"Glued? Wow!"

The headmaster had used the exchange to transfigure the sofa into a bed large enough for three. "I rely on you to transfigure their clothes once they´re ready for bed, Minerva," he said kindly before he took his leave.

There was an awkward silence after the old wizard had left.

"Professor," Harry piped when the quiet became too much, "how come you have a talking photograph?"

McGonagall sighed sadly. "It´s magic similar to the one used for the headmaster´s portraits." The witch smiled. "Now, are you boys ready for bed?" She raised her wand suggestingly.

"As ready as we ever will be," sighed Snape.

The witch waved her wand at the words, transfiguring robes into nightwear. All three wizards wore dark red pyjamas.

"You couldn´t have made them black, could you?" Snape snapped, looking down his frame. "It had to be Gryffindor red, of course."

"I like them," said Harry.

"Of course you do," hissed Malfoy. "You are a bloody Gryffindor."

"There´s no need to be rude, Mr. Malfoy," McGonagall looked at the three wizards sternly. "Now, do you want me to help you in the bathroom or do you prefer a house elf?"

Twenty minutes later found Minerva McGonagall busy trying to stop a house elf from hitting its head with a chamber pot. The little creature seemed determined to demage itself as badly as possible.

"Sissy is a bad house elf!" it howled, wrestling the witch for the pot. "Sissy made professor Snape Sir kick her!"

"Severus!" roared McGonagall, "did you kick this house elf?"

"Only when she insisted to..." The rest of what the house elf had tried to do was lost in the roaring laughter of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy.

"What did you try to do?" the witch asked the little elf, hoping to distract her from the chamber pot long enough to get it.

"Sissy brush professor Snape´s teeth!"

"Sissy apply moisturizing cream to professor Snape´s cheeks!" Draco imitated the elf in a high pitched voice as the trio exited the bathroom.

"Sissy brush professor Snape´s hair!" Harry joined in.

"Sissy cut professor Snape´s nose hair!" Draco howled with laughter and the elf fought Minerva for the chamber pot with new energy.

"Sissy trim professor Snape´s brows! – Ouch!" Harry Potter jumped as the potions teacher kicked him from behind. "But she did!"

"Potter is right, Sir! She did!" Draco took his archenemy´s side. "Ouch!"

Snape continued kicking the two boys in turn. At last McGonagall transfigured the chamber pot into a cushion and let the elf have it in favour of interfering with Snape and his two appendixes.

"Stop it, Severus! I´ve had enough! Bed! All three of you! Now!"

The three wizards scrambled into bed awkwardly. Snape lay there like crucified, his arms stretched out awkwardly. The head of Gryffindor helped the three wizards pull up the blanket before she retreated to her own bedroom.

"If there is a problem, call me," she advised before she extinguished the lights.

There was a triple snort and then silence.

The silence didn´t last but some minutes.

"Aargh! Potter what do you think you´re doing?" Snape howled with pain.

"Sorry, professor!"

"Sorry? You tried to break my wrist!"

"I didn´t! I just tried to find a comfortable position!"

"And you thought it would further your personal sufficiency and cosiness to lie on my smashed hand? Mercy on you if it is broken!"

"I didn´t mean to hurt you! I swear! I always sleep on my side!"

"You will not do so for the next couple of weeks!" Snape groaned as he mentioned the length of time they were likely going to spend stuck to each other.

"But I can´t sleep on my back!"

"Now you mention it, neither can I!" Draco made himself heard from Snape´s other side.

"Twist my arm and die, Malfoy!" hissed the potions master.

"If we don´t sleep, it won´t help either," the younger Slytherin pointed out slyly.

"My wrists are not made of rubber," snapped the older wizard.

"There´s likely a spell!" cried Harry. "I mean, there is a jinx to turn legs into jelly!"

"I will not have my hands cursed for your snugness! Not today, and definitely not every evening for the next three weeks!" growled Snape. "So don´t even think of it."

There were some minutes of strained silence.

"But I can´t sleep!" whined Potter after a little while.

"Thanks for waking me, Potter!"

"You can sleep on your back, Sir?"

"I can sleep hanging upside down if I have to," Snape barked. "Stop wimpering like a baby!"

"Yes, stop wimpering like a baby!" Draco echoed.

"You´re not being helpful, Malfoy!" shouted Snape as Harry hit his stomach when he tried to smack the blond. "Ouch! That hurt!"

Suddenly the lights went on and the three wizards blinked owlishly.

"Will you three shut up now? Some of us want to actually sleep!" Minerva McGonagall was livid.

"But I can´t sleep on my back!" Harry Potter informed his head of house.

"I heard that," the witch snapped. "Then roll to your side!"

"But I can´t! I´m going to break the professor´s wrist!"

"Then don´t roll to your right, but to your left!" McGonagall rolled her eyes.

Harry obeyed and came eye to eye with an irrate head of Slytherin. "This is not acceptable!" hissed Snape. "He´s lying on my arm!"

"You will both be more comfortable if Harry uses your shoulder as a pillow."

"What?" Snape shrieked. "You can´t be serious! It´s highly inappropriate!"

"Nobody will see and I won´t tell anybody. Just go ahead, Potter. Snuggle up to professor Snape." The witch´s tone left no room for discussion. "And you, Mr. Malfoy, said you were a sidesleeper, too? Well, then you´d best follow Potter´s lead. – God, Severus! One photograph and I´d have you in my pocket for the rest of your life."

"Are you suggesting blackmail? Don´t bite off more than you can chew, woman," growled Snape, shifting uncomfortably to get Potter´s hair away from his nose. "They´re heavy!" he complained.

"But this way they´ll be asleep and not cost you your nightrest. Good night!"

The witch extinguished the lights again and padded back to her bedroom.

"One more sound from this room and I´ll have your heads!" she yawned as she closed the door.

It wouldn´t have been the three wizards they were, who shared the bed in Minerva´s living room, if they had spent the rest of the night in silence.

"CHHRRRR!"

"Pssst!"

"CHHHRRRRR!"

"Pssst!"

"What is it, Potter?"

"Can you sleep, Malfoy?"

"CHHHHRRRR!"

"Not with you psting at me!"

"You´re complaining about me psting? I´d rather think Snape´s snoring kept you awake!" Harry whispered.

"CHHHHRRRR!"

"Really?"

"CHHHHRRRR!"

"Really!"

"CHHHRRR!"

"Now that you mention it!"

"CHHHRRRR! CHHHHRRR!"

"That´s it! I´m waking him!"

"If you´re suicidal..." Malfoy´s voice held a touch of glee.

"He can´t keep us awake all night!"

"CHHHRRR!"

"Obviously, he can. Will you wake him now, or what?"

"Why don´t you do it? He´s your head of house after all!"

"I´m a Slytherin. Foolhardyness is not in our house description. I think you should do it."

"CHHHHHRRR! CHHHHHRRRRR!"

"So you agree, he has to be woken."

"Of course! Who can sleep in this racket!"

"CHHHHHHHHRRRRRRR!"

Harry pushed Snape hard.

"What! Is the castle on fire?"

"No, Sir. Malfoy told me to wake you!"

"Malfoy! Why did you tell Potter to wake me!"

"I didn´t! He suggested it!"

"But you said it was a good idea!"

"I don´t care whose idea it was! Why did you wake me?" Despite the darkness, Snape managed to make his anger known splendidly.

Again the lights went on. "More importantly, why did you wake me!" McGonagall looked as if she hadn´t slept in weeks. "Either you stay quiet or I will have Poppy drug you with Dreamless Sleep every evening."

"That is not recommendable," Snape pointed out. "And why´s that, Mr. Potter?"

"What is this? A potions exam in bed?" snarled Harry.

"No school talk in the bedroom!" pleaded Draco.

"Did I teach you nothing? Dreamless Sleep is addictive!" Snape snapped.

"I couldn´t care less! Sleep now!" The head of Gryffindor extinguished the lights for the third time that evening.

"Can you try not to snore, Sir?" Harry asked softly.

"I don´t snore!"

"Yes, you did!" Once in their lifetime, the Slytherin and the Gryffindor agreed.

"I will not have you conspiring against me! Sleep now!"

"We will, if you don´t snore!"

"Malfoy, hit Potter for me!"

"Ouch!"


	6. Chapter 6

The bed in the living room was deserted when Minerva McGonagall made her appearance the next morning. "Bathroom" Arista informed her with a small smile. Minerva acknowledged the piece of information with a small nod. She started to clean away the traces of the night. The bed was transfigured into a breakfast table and some pillows into chairs as the witch couldn´t imagine her colleague would want to be publicly fed in the Great Hall.

She stopped in her tracks when she heard voices from the lavatory. Harry´s clear voice was heard first.

"Wow, Malfoy! It´s huge!"

"Really?"

"I´m telling you! It must be the biggest I´ve ever seen!"

"Oh!"

"Potter," Snape interfered, "I´ve seen bigger!"

"That´s because you are older. You have seen more." After a short pause, Harry added "Sir."

"Malfoy, you shouldn´t squeeze it like that," Snape continued.

"But it makes it better," the younger Slytherin replied.

"Certainly not." Snape sounded serious. "I recommend using some salve. – Sissy, get the cream jar from my private bathroom for me."

"Yes, Professor Snape, Sir," piped the small elf. Shortly later she was heard again. "Is this the jar, professor, Sir?"

"Exactly," growled the potions master. "Potter, help Malfoy with the salve."

"I can do that myself," snapped the younger Slytherin. "Don´t touch me, Potter."

"Don´t be childish, Malfoy! Potter has better access and he can see better. – Potter, don´t be shy, a little more cream won´t hurt."

"Ouch! Not so hard, you git!"

"Don´t be a baby, Malfoy!

Minerva had heard enough. She squared her shoulders, knocked sharply and tossed the door open. "What´s going on in here?"

The three wizards were standing in front of the sink. "Minerva, how good to see you! You don´t happen to have some make-up, do you?" Snape asked hopefully.

"What?" The witch was bewildered.

"Make-up. Malfoy got a stress pimple, and a huge one."

The blond boy made a face.

"And it´s right on his nose, too," Harry pointed out merrily.

"I don´t use make-up," said the head of Gryffindor. She eyed Malfoy´s nose curiously. "But I guess I can borrow some from one of the seventh years."

"You won´t tell what you need it for?" Draco asked hopefully.

"You have no reason to be ashamed, Mr. Malfoy," said the witch. "You are caught in a stressful situation after all. Nobody expects you to take it calmly."

"Then why doest Potter have a pimple, too?" snapped the blond. "And professor Snape? He´s the one who can´t use his hands, after all."

"Professor Snape and Harry are both used to facing severe trouble. They had to deal with situations much more serious than anything you have encountered in your life yet." Minerva smiled reassuringly.

"In other words," added Harry, "you are a pampered git, Malfoy."

"Rather a pimpled git," chuckled Snape.

Both boys looked at the man, horrified. The deputy headmistress glared daggers at the potions master. "Severus Snape!"

"Sorry!" Snape blushed.

Minerva ushered the three wizards to the living room after a last stern glance at Severus and ordered breakfast from the house elves.

"As we´re going to spend some time in this unfortunate position," said Snape, "I suggest we sort out how to eat. We can´t expect somebody to assist you with feeding me at all meals. Malfoy, feed me a piece of toast."

The Slytherin obeyed, but had to turn in an awkward angle as he was righthanded and stuck to Snape´s left.

"Now you, Potter."

This worked better.

"Excellent, Potter. You are in charge of feeding me. Malfoy, my cup."

Ten seconds later, both boys had their assigned tasks.

"I don´t wish to ask for every tiny bite of food," Snape went on alloting duties. "You will feed me bites of whatever dish we consume at reasonable intervals, Potter. And you, Malfoy, will offer me drink in equally reasonable intervalls. You will learn my preferences for tea and coffee and prepare each drink to my liking. Now, let´s try."

Breakfast went astonishingly well. When every last crumb was cleaned away, Minerva went to get some make-up to cover Malfoy´s pimple. That done, the three wizards were ready to face the day.

"We have first year potions first," Snape informed them. "You will assist me during the lesson. The first class is Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, so it shouldn´t be too difficult."

The walk down to Snape´s dungeon classroom was probably the worst Harry had suffered, ever. They were stared at every single step of the way, as it was their first public appearance after Snape had pushed the two boys out of his classroom and put Granger in charge for the rest of the lesson.

All three wizards were glad that nobody addressed them. Neither felt like explaining their situation.

When they reached the potions classroom, Snape muttered a password under his breath. As soon as the door had closed on them, Malfoy burst out giggling.

"Salazar´s pants?" the blond yelled with laughter.

"Why don´t you placard my password at the Great Hall?" hissed Snape angrily.

"Sorry, Sir!" giggled the younger Slytherin, "but this is hilarious."

"I´m glad I could entertain you for a little while, Mr. Malfoy. If you´re done with your childish behaviour, we can prepare for the lesson now. We have to lay out the ingredients for the first years." The potions master led the way to the store cupboard and instructed the two students what to take out.

They had barely finished their preparations when the first students filed into the room.

Harry and Draco felt self-conscious as they stood beside the potions teacher like bodyguards.

"Sit down, class," Snape instructed the children when everybody had calmed down, which took a considerable shorter span of time than it would have in a Slytherin and Gryffindor class. "Potter, collect their homework!"

Harry waved his wand obediently and accioed the rolls of parchment.

"Today we´re going to brew a boil healing potion," Snape explained. "The recipe is on the blackboard, the ingredients are laid out for you at the back of the classroom."

To Harry´s utter surprise the class stayed seated and read the instructions quietly. It took more than five minutes for the first student to get up and get his ingredients from the back of the class.

As the children started to work, Snape pushed his appendixes around the room. He watched the students work and gave hints here and there. From time to time he barked order like "Malfoy, show Mr. Evergreen how to dice his fly agaric." or "Potter, demonstrate how to stir in eights properly! – Not like that! More smoothly!"

When all potions had the right colour and bubbled merrily, a girl with long red plaits raised her hands. "Sir," she asked politely, "may I ask why you decided to bring assistants to today´s lesson?"

Snape made a face, but answered politely nevertheless. "Due to a magical mishap Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy are forced to go wherever I go at the time being, Miss Cook."

"Why´s that?" the girl lived up to her reputation as a Ravenclaw. "What kind of mishap was it and for how long will they have to follow you?"

All three wizards blushed. "We´re stuck together with magical superglue, to give you the simplified version of what happened," Snape said at last.

"Really? Did you try nail polish remover?"

"Nail polish remover doesn´t work for magical superglue," the two boys chorused.

The next class was more challenging. Not only were the students older and therefore their assignments more difficult, they also were Gryffindors.

"Harry," said Ginny as soon as she entered the room, "what did you get yourself into now? Where were you all night? We were so worried!"

"He was in bed with me," Draco winked at the girl.

Ginny threw her long hair back in a gesture of arrogance and stalked to her worktable.

"What was that good for, Malfoy?" Harry glared at the Slytherin angrily.

"What, Potter? Angry that I pissed off your girlfriend?" the blond smirked. "Don´t forget that I told nothing but the truth!" He stepped back and to the left to avoid the Gryffindor´s fist.

"Ouch! One more sudden movement like that and you´ll be in trouble!" Snape shook the Slytherin. "When will you understand that you´re twisting my wrist if you do things like that? And you, Potter, stop attacking Malfoy at every turn!"

"But he provoked my girlfriend! I won´t be able to spend quality time with her for a month or so! I don´t need her mad at me in addition to that! I insist he explains to her that this was a joke!"

"I will clarify that for you myself," replied Snape. He pushed the boys over to where Ginny was laying out her textbook and parchment. "Miss Weasley," he claimed the girl´s attention. "I wish to inform you that Mr. Potter didn´t spend the night in bed with Mr. Malfoy, but with Mr. Malfoy and me." That said he stalked back to the front of the classroom, dragging the boys with him. "I will not be drawn into your social problems!" he snarled on the way.

"Sir," protested Gryffindor´s golden boy, "I have to go back to Ginny and explain! If I don´t, I´ll be lucky if she so much as looks at me after this situation is solved!"

"Potter, which part of I don´t want anything to do with your love life don´t you understand?" snapped Snape.

"That´s the problem!" whined Harry. "You made it sound like you had!"

"What? I didn´t say a thing like that!" protested the professor. Malfoy chuckled.

"You just told her that you spent the night in bed with Malfoy and me!" Harry cried angrily.

The silence ensuing was deafening. All eyes in the room were on the trio.

"What!" Snape barked at the class. "I was proctoring them!"

The class roared with laughter, but only until Snape gave them his death glare. When order was restored the potions master assigned the students a hair curling draught and sent them off to the store cupboard to get their ingredients.

"Can we go talk to Ginny now?" Harry asked hopefully once everybody was working.

"No, we can not go talk to Ginny now!" Snape spat the girl´s name as if it was an insult. "We have to walk around the class and make sure nobody melts their cauldron, causes an explosion or falls victim to a magical mishap! No, wait, scratch out the last. The only two fools to cause that kind of mishap are under control." Snape shook the two boys.

"What was that for?" complained Draco. "I haven´t said a word!"

"I´m sure that´s because your girlfriend won´t have potions before tomorrow afternoon," Snape pointed out sourly.

"You have a girlfriend, Malfoy? Who?" the Gryffindor asked curiously.

"Mind your own business, Potter," snapped the blond.

"As if that was an option," Harry snorted, looking in Ginny´s direction longingly. "You know, Sir, if I can´t talk to Ginny, I may be unhappy all night, and when I´m unhappy, I can´t sleep."

"Blackmail?" sneered the potions master. "Potter, you´re talking to a master. Spare me your feeble attempts. I may feel an urge to chat with when it comes to grading essays."

"You´re going to make us grade essays?" Harry asked in disbelief.

"Of course! I can´t write, and somebody has to do it. You´re in seventh year, so you should be able to correct everything but the final year´s works. I will help you with those."

"But we´re supposed to catch up on our own lessons in the evening!" protested Draco. "It´s our final year! Neither of us can affort to fall behind!" Harry nodded vigorously.

"Stop whining!" ordered Snape. He pushed the two boys towards the Slytherin side of the classroom and hovered over the students´ cauldrons, breathing down their necks. "Miss Elwood, the instructions say ´mash the onion´. You diced it. This way your brew will lack the right amount of onion juice and your results will be inferior."

The potions master watched the girl work for a little while before he barked the next order. "Not like that! Potter, show her!"

"Why me?" Harry whined. "I´ll end up splashed in stinking onion juice!"

"If you do, you haven´t done it right," growled the teacher. "Miss Elwood, hand Mr. Potter that pestle."

Harry attacked the mortar and onion full force. If he was going to stink, so was Snape. Pieces of the unlucky bulb flew from the mortar as the boy worked. "Potter!" Snape shook the Gryffindor, "had I desired to bathe in onion, I would have told you! No wonder your potions are of poor quality when you waste ingredients like that. Miss Elwood, get a new onion. Mr. Malfoy, kindly remove that stinking stuff from me and while you´re at it, from Potter, too. It won´t do to have him stinking around me all day."

Draco waved his wand at Snape and Harry and muttered an incantation. The two wizards´ eyes went big as saucers as they felt their underwear vanish. Snape shoved the two boys towards the front of the classroom in a hurry. "Malfoy! What did you do now? It seems I´m missing important parts of my clothing!"

"What?" The blond had no idea what his teacher was talking about.

"You muttered, idiot," hissed Harry, for once on Snape´s side. "I guess you wanted to remove the debris, but you removed my bloody briefs!"

The Slytherin blushed. "It was unintenionally! I swear!"

"Malfoy, if I had a trace of doubt that this was anything but an accident, you´d be dead by now!" Snape glared daggers at the blond boy.

"Threatening my son, Severus?"

Unnoticed by the three wizards, the headmaster, his deputy and Lucius Malfoy had entered the classroom.

"Severus, I had to notify Mr. Malfoy´s parents and Mr. Potter´s guardians of the situation. Mr. Malfoy chose to come and see for himself. Minerva kindly agreed to take over the rest of your lesson so you can come and speak to Lucius in private." The headmaster smiled.

"And that couldn´t have waited until the end of the lesson?" Snape growled.

"Of course not. I´m worried about the well-being of my sole heir. Would you like to explain here why you´re issuing death threats at him, or shall we go somewhere less crowded?" Lucius Malfoy looked his son over again and again as if searching for traces of abuse.

Snape sighed and accepted the inevitable. "Let´s go," he sighed. "Thanks for taking over, Minerva. We just started a hair curling draught. The instructions are on the blackboard and everybody should have their ingredients by now. No explosives are used, so it should be a quiet lesson."

The witch thanked her colleague with a curt nod and set off to inspect the students´ cauldrons while Snape and his companions followed the headmaster and Lucius out of the classroom.

Surprisingly enough, the headmaster took a turn to the left on the first floor instead of climbing the rest of the stairs to his office.

"I took the liberty to provide special quarters for you three," he explained, smiling benignly. "We can´t have you occupy Minerva´s sofa for a month, can we?"

"I thought it was agreed that it was inappropriate for me to share quarters with two students. If you decided otherwise, why can´t we stay in my quarters?" asked Snape.

"I haven´t changed my decision," Dumbledore corrected his potions instructor. "You can´t live with Harry and Draco. I took the liberty to assign a chaperone, who will live with you for as long as the situation lasts."

Snape stopped short. "Who?"

"Well, as you are Draco´s head of house, I thought we should have a Gryffindor as a chaperone, to ... ahem ... restore the equilibrium of forces."

"What?" The potions master´s voice went up an octave. "Who?" he repeated his question insistantly.

"It wouldn´t be practical to chose a teacher," the old wizard continued.

"Who!"

"But it has to be somebody we can trust with the situation."

"Who!"

"Somebody who doesn´t have a family to care and provide for!"

"For Merlin´s sake, Albus! Get it out! Who!"


	7. Chapter 7

"Sirius Black. He promised to be here for dinner." The headmaster smiled.

"Why do you hate me?" Snape grumbled.

Harry, on the other hand, was enthusiastic. "Sirius will stay with me for a whole month? That´s wonderful!"

Draco turned up his nose. "Cousin Sirius? You can´t be serious!"

"Be nice, Draco," Lucius demanded.

The group had reached a picture of a snake wound around broomstick. "This is the entrance to your new realm," explained the headmaster. "Severus, if you´d kindly set the password." He pointed at the picture invitingly.

"No dogs welcome!" growled the potions master.

"That´s not nice!" scolded Dumbledore.

"It´s the password," insisted Snape.

"Sirius won´t like it," Harry pointed out.

"Really?" Snape was the picture of innocence. Both Malfoys chuckled.

"Why does he set the password?" Harry asked the headmaster. "You know how he is!"

"Because I´m the teacher here," snapped Snape. "I can do things you can´t."

"Like what? Like using your hands?" Gryffindor´s golden boy asked, hotheaded.

"Boys! A bit more dignity!" the headmaster tried to restore peace.

Snape and Harry both huffed. Dumbledore repeated the new password and the painting swung open.

The quarters they entered were easily the strangest any of the present wizards had seen. There was a sofa for three and one armchair in front of the fireplace. The desk was wide enough to seat three and there was no chair but a bench.

The bathroom had three sinks side by side.

The bedroom contained two beds. One big enough to accommodate the trio and one single bed, which was for Sirius Black, as Harry pointed out to a brooding Snape.

There was also a small kitchen area to prepare small things, like tea, coffee or sandwiches.

All walls were covered with paintings and photographs. The three inhabitants of the quarters to be looked them over critically.

"I took the liberty to provide decoration," smiled Dumbledore. The man looked as if he had just discovered a thirteenth use for dragon blood. "Isn´t it beautiful?"

"What do you mean?" growled Snape. "The Gryffindor coloured carpet or the portraits that will without doubt babble at me when I want my peace. Isn´t it bad enough to have these two invade my privacy?"

"Hey!" whined Draco. "What about my privacy?"

"Or mine?" echoed Harry. "It took you two minutes to destroy my love life! Just imagine what you will do in a month!"

Snape smirked at the Gryffindor.

"Can you quarrel later? I have money to make elsewhere," Lucius Malfoy interrupted the bickering. "I want to know what exactly happened."

"That´s easily explained," spat the potions master. "Your son and Potter misbehaved and as a result I´m stuck with them. Nicholas Flamel himself was asked for help and he came up with a plan, which will at least take a month to complete."

"A plan? Can I do anything to help?" asked the blond wizard.

"Flamel thinks he came up with an antidote for the glue, but making it will take that long. It can´t be done quicklier." Snape sighed. "If it could, I´d be at it. Believe me!"

"Have you tried nail polish remover?" Lucius beamed.

"Oh yes, you are the first to suggest that," shouted the teacher. "How very funny! Nail polish remover! Ha. Ha. Ha!"

The headmaster shook his head at Lucius Malfoy. "I have to make sure to inform the student body not to mention nail polish remover in his presence. His reaction is getting more and more violent."

"You want to know about violence?" Snape was nearly hyperventilating.

"Do calm down, professor!" Harry urged the older wizard. "Mr. Malfoy was just trying to be helpful."

"He was mocking me!"

"I swear, Severus, I was not! I was just worried about my son and only heir!" Mr. Malfoy raised his hands in defence. "So, there is a plan to solve this situation. That´s good; although this will not spare the responsible person their just punishment, of course. Headmaster, be sure that the governors will be informed about your peculiar ways to lead this school. Students were hurt under your care! Expect consequences!"

"Of course, Lucius," Dumbledore twiddled his thumbs. "I´m sure you will inform the governors to the best of your ability, and rightly so. They deserve to know about this incident and be allowed to determine whether the involved students should be expelled for attacking a teacher."

"Attacking a teacher?" Lucius´s voice went up. "Draco did no such thing!"

"Lucius," the headmaster said benignly as if explaining things to a five year old, "Draco and Harry caused this accident, and Severus is obviously the most inconvenienced victim. He´s practically a squib. That the culprits were caught in their own trap shouldn´t spare them their punishment. I agree with you in that."

"You wouldn´t expel Potter!" hissed the blond wizard.

"We have to investigate before we decide that," admitted the principal. "Severus, kindly tell us about the boys potions skills."

Snape glared at both boys angrily before he started. "Potter´s barely able to follow the simplest instructions. How he made it to seventh year is beyond me, to be honest. Malfoy, on the other hand, is a fine brewer. His skills need more practice and a little refinement, but for a wizard his age he´s doing exceptionally well in potions."

Both Malfoys smiled at the praise, but only until Dumbledore continued. "Well, then it´s obvious who was the mastermind behind this mean plan." He smiled at the older blond.

"Headmaster," the portrait of a wizard wearing a historic muggle swimsuit and a penguin hat interrupted, "Sirius Black is in the corridor."

"Thank you, Kendrick." The headmaster pointed his wand at the door and it swung open to allow a slim man with long black hair in.

"Harry!" Sirius Black ran to his godson and hugged him tightly.

"How endearing!" mused Snape, turning up his nose.

"Shut up, deatheater!" glared the other man. "Albus! Why is Harry surrounded by this filth? From what you told me I get that Snivellus can´t be helped, but what is he doing here?" He pointed his finger at Lucius Malfoy.

"Whom do you call a deatheater, Black?" snarled the very man through gritted teeth.

"I call you a deatheater, Lucius. Who do you think you can fool?"

"I don´t need to fool you," sneered the blond. "You´re doing enough fooling around on your own."

"Don´t you play silly word games with me!" growled Sirius.

"Sirius, you´re not being helpful. Mr. Malfoy checked on his son and will, as soon as he is convinced that everything is under control, leave."

"You don´t really think that it´s a good idea to have this hothead stay with Severus and the boys," Lucius asked the headmaster, suddenly very earnest.

"He´s the best choice," explained the headmaster. "He´s Harry´s godfather and Draco´s cousin, so he will watch out for both boys."

"You make it sound like they need protection from me!" snapped Snape.

"But they do, Snivellus! Everybody knows your temper!" Sirius grinned.

"I don´t have a temper!" Snape shouted at the other man.

"Oh, we all believe you." Sirius´s grin broadened if that was possible.

Snape glared at his former school-mate. Then, all of a sudden, he pushed the boys towards the man and kicked him.

"Aouuuuuu!" howled Sirius. "My shins! What was that, Snape?"

"I can´t use a wand, so I have to use less subtle methods."

"When were you ever subtle?"

"I´m so subtle, normally, that you don´t even notice that I do anything. Not that it takes much subtlety to fool you of all people."

"Sneaking around and spying on people is not subtle!"

"Sirius!" barked Dumbledore. "Do you think it´s wise to suggest Severus is spying while a person you consider a deatheater is present?"

"Yes," agreed Lucius, "it´s really a foolish thing to do, talking about spying when the target is present." His eyes darted to Dumbledore, but only for a moment.

"If I was a spy," Snape interfered, "I´d make sure nobody could be certain who I was spying on for whom."

"I knew you can´t be trusted! Your loyalty is as stable as leave in the wind. Turncoat!"

"Maybe," smirked Snape. "But then maybe not."

"What is this about?" asked Draco.

"Spying." Harry looked proud he had followed so far.

"I know that, idiot. But who is he spying on for whom?"

"See my tactics work." Snape smirked at Sirius. "Maybe I´m spying on you."

"On me? What for?"

"Witch Weekly hired me to get inside information on your fleas."

"I´ll strangle you in the dark! I swear!"

Snape snorted. "Not man enough to try in broad daylight, are you?"

"Not man enough? I´ll give you not man enough!" Sirius tried to wrap his fingers around Snape´s neck, but the headmaster moved with surprising speed to interfere.

"Why don´t we all sit down for lunch?" Dumbledore tried to distract the fighting cocks.

Lucius was quick on the uptake and played along. "That´s a great idea! I´m starving!"

"Excellent!" the headmaster rubbed his hands before he put his wand to action and conjured a table big enough for six and the required number of chairs, one of them between Sirius and Severus.

The sitting arrangements were easily found. Draco, Snape and Harry sat on one side of the table – obviously – and the other three wizards on the other. Sirius faced Harry, Lucius Draco and Dumbledore had taken the middle seat to face Severus. When everybody was seated, the headmaster touched the table top with his wand and a small feast popped into existance.

Everybody but Snape filled their plates. The potions master watched the boys quietly, his face reddening with anger as seconds ticked by without any food being transfered to his plate.

"Not hungry, Snivellus?" Sirius asked pointedly.

"Sirius!" the headmaster brought his hand down on the table with a crack. "Stop it!"

Harry mumbled a short apology and started piling vegetables on Snape´s plate as he was in charge of the food. Meanwhile Draco poured a goblet of pumpkin juice for his head of house.

Snape used the time the boys worked to glare daggers at Sirius. He showed his teeth with a growl once or twice, but said nothing after the headmaster´s outburst.

Lucius, worrying about his son, tried to restore calm by changing the topic. "This roast chicken is excellent, headmaster. Do I taste a hint of rosemary? Your elves have to give me the recipe!"

"Since when are you interested in cooking, cousin?" Sirius asked innocently.

"Cooking is a splendid passtime," insisted Lucius. "Only last week Narcissa and I made crème brulé. It was so relaxing. Not to mention how rewarding it was."

"I guess enjoying French vanilla cream with cousin Narcissa could be called rewarding," agreed Sirius. "We had a lot of fun when we were younger."

"What do you mean?" Lucius narrowed his eyes.

"What do you think I mean?" Sirius smirked.

"My wife will be spoken of with the respect she deserves," Lucius reached for his wand.

"Don´t accuse me of speaking without respect when you were thinking without," Sirius replied and helped himself to another drumstick. "You´re right, Lucius. I think they used rosemary."

"Rosemary is one of my favourite spices," Dumbledore pointed out. "I have a pot in my study. It´s very useful."

"Useful?" Draco joined the conversation.

"Of course, dear boy!" Dumbledore licked his fingers clean after finishing his chicken. "You can use it for cooking, potions and as a Christmas tree! And I like the smell in my socks. I always make sure to have a twig of rosemary in my sock drawer."

The other wizards made faces at the thought of rosemary socks.

"Really!" insisted the headmaster. "Rosemary is great for socks!" He took off a shoe, lifted his leg towards Sirius and twiggled his toes. "Sirius, tell them!"

The man leaned to the offered foot a bit and sniffed. "Definitely rosemary," he confirmed, "and it´s not as bad as I anticipated."

"You thought it was bad?" Dumbledore sounded disappointed and hurt. "I´ve been experimenting with socks for nearly a century!"

"You mentioned you were interested in socks," Harry said merrily. He smiled at the old wizard.

"You remember? How kind!" the old man smiled back.

"You´ve been discussing socks with students? Oh, wait! Probably only with the Golden Boy!" Snape huffed.

Said Golden Boy glared at his professor angrily and shut him up with a big forkful of mashed potatoe. Snape coughed until his eyes were watering. "Do you want to kill me, Potter? Small bites! How difficult is that to understand?"

"It´s your own fault if you make the boy want to suffocate you," Sirius muttered.

Snape snarled and Lucius saw it fit to interfere again. "You know, the only herb I prefer to rosemary is ... ahem ... spinach."

"Spinach isn´t a herb." Snape didn´t take his eyes off Sirius for an instant.

"Well, it´s not so different from other herbs. Sorrel, for example, can be mixed up with spinach easily," Lucius pointed out defensively and Dumbledore and Sirius nodded in agreement.

"Only a dunderhead would mix up spinach and sorrel," Snape went into classroom mode. "Spinach has darker leaves and sorrel has a unique smell and taste. The spinach leaves are softer and smoother. But most importantly, spinach is a vegetable! I´m sure even Potter is able to distinguish the two."

"Hey! What do you mean by ´even Potter´?" Harry whined.

"Your potions skills have been discussed earlier. Don´t fake hurt when I´m speaking the truth!"

"Shut up, Snivellus! Harry may be a little dense when it comes to potions, but that´s no reason to insult him!"

"Thank you, Sirius!" Harry smiled at his godfather gratefully.

"Scratch out ´when it comes to potions´," muttered Draco.

"My favourite herb is lemon balm. It´s so decorative on desserts," the headmaster stated benignly. "And you, Draco, which herb do you like?"

The blond blushed at being addressed so abruptly. "Chives," he said then. "I like chives."

"An excellent choice," cried Dumbledore.

Shortly later Lucius took his leave after reminding the headmaster to keep his son safe. "I will kill you with my bare hands if Draco is hurt when Sirius and Severus have a go at each other. I still think that cousin Sirius is a bad choice as chaperone."

After Lucius´s departure, the headmaster took the chaperone for a walk and the trio went back to the dungeons. They had lessons in the afternoon, after all.


	8. Chapter 8

Again, Snape made the boys arrive at the classroom early and prepare ingredients for the students.

"This afternoon is one of my easier ones," the potions teacher explained. "I call it the second year spa."

"A spa, Sir?" Draco asked curiously.

"Indeed," confirmed the older wizard. "Second years are quite nice to teach. They aren´t complete beginners, but not yet old and apt enough to be true trouble-makers. I have Gryffindor and Slytherin first, and then Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, which means that I need to prepare only one lesson and then teach it twice. You will prepare the ingredients for the whole year now, but only lay out half of it for the first period. It shouldn´t be too difficult."

"So what will they be brewing?" asked Harry.

"Actually they should cover fever potions, but those contain ingredients which could react rather violently when not handled properly. So I will change the plan a bit and cover disguising potions first."

"Didn´t Longbottom blow up his cauldron when we brewed fever potions?" Draco mused.

Snape snorted. "Longbottom blows up his cauldron twice a month. He invented at least fifteen new explosives since I´ve been teaching him. So you´re probably right. He did blow up his cauldron with a fever potion."

"Neville wouldn´t have so many problems with potions if you hadn´t spent every minute of class making him nervous for the past six years," Harry defended his friend.

"Critizising my teaching methods, Potter?" Snape snarled. "They do work for those who are willing to learn and at least a little gifted. Longbottom and you are the only complete failures in the year after all. Oh, wait! I forgot Finnegan."

"I´m a decent brewer when Malfoy leaves me alone and you´re not breathing down my neck!" cried Harry.

"Oh yes, Potter. When you´re alone, you´re the best brewer present." The blond wizard snorted.

"Stop quarreling and start laying out the ingredients," Snape interfered. "We need chestnuts and peppermint. And ink of squid..." The potions master continued to enumerate the ingredients and the two boys had to hurry to grab things from the cupboard and put them onto the huge tray they knew so well from their own lessons.

Shortly later the Slytherin and Gryffindor half of Hogwarts´ second years filed in. Snape repeated is little speech, explaining why Harry and Draco were there without actually giving a reason, informing the class of what they were going to do and then pointing the children at the instructions on the blackboard.

"The last part of the brewing is left to you," he ended his explanations. "You may choose which ingredients you want to add after step 42. On page 98 in your textbook you find a table of possible ingredients and their effects. We´ll test your potions at the end of the lesson. Go ahead now!"

The next hour was spent with the trio walking around and Snape giving hints on the Slytherin side of the room and telling people off for stupidity on the Gryffindor side.

When the lesson was nearly over, Snape called for attention and explained that they were going to test the potions now. "The effect will last for approximately 30 minutes," he reassured the students. "To have a little fun, we´ll exchange potions for the test. Everybody please fill one dose into a vial and put it on my desk for grading and a second one into a small beaker and bring it here."

The students did as ordered. Snape made Harry and Draco shuffle the beakers so that nobody could tell which beaker had been brewed by whom.

"Mr. Goldsmith, you go first. Choose a beaker and drink."

Hugh Goldsmith, a shy boy from Slytherin, took one of the beakers with shaking hands and drank. First nothing happened, but then his black hair paled until it was even blonder than Draco´s.

"Very good," praised Snape. "Who used hair of ermine? – Well done, Miss Elbow. You´re next."

Phyllis Elbow sprouted green whiskers, and after her Julia Thomas got pink eyes. The rest of the lesson was spent with goodnatured laughter as student after student changed colour or grew additional body parts.

"Why didn´t we ever do funny stuff like that?" asked Harry after the kids had left.

"Exploding cauldrons and constant fighting doesn´t exactly put me in the mood for something like that."

The next lesson went similar to the first. The only difference was that the professor asked two Ravenclaw boys to divide their batch of potion into two before they added a final ingredient.

"Mr. Olecheese, Mr. Althorp, amaze me!" Severus gave the boys his trademark smirk.

The boys smirked back before they trailed off to the storecupboard. At the end of the brewing part of the lesson the potions master made them hand in their extra potions seperately.

The Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff students had fun with their potions. While the Gryffindors and Slytherins had gone for additional facial features or changing colours, the other two houses prefered changing hair styles – there were many new curls or long plaits – or elongating fingernails.

When the last student had gotten their new style – Benjamin Olecheese looked like a girl with his new pigtails – Snape glared at his assistants predatorily.

"Let´s see what the second year master brewers have accomplished. Mr. Potter, choose a vial!"

"What?" spluttered Harry. "I will look like a fool!"

"Nothing new at that," smirked Snape.

"Sirius will not like that!" the Gryffindor tried to get away, but it was no use. Snape tightened his squeeze on the boy´s neck and the golden boy gave in. With an angry glare at his teacher he grabbed one of the two vials and downed it in one gulp.

First, he felt nothing, but then there was an itching sensation, starting at his nose and spreading all over his face. The class roared with laughter.

"What is it?" cried the wizarding hero.

One of the Hufflepuff girls handed him a mirror and Harry gasped. His face was covered in Slytherin green scales!

"I look like a bloody Slytherin cheerleader!" screamed Harry.

"I´ll organise for you to get some pom-pons," smirked Draco.

"Shut up, Malfoy!" the Gryffindor screamed.

"Now you, Mr. Malfoy," Snape interrupted what promissed to become a most entertaining row.

The Slytherin paled, but at the sight of Potter´s evil grin faced his fate bravely and downed the potion.

Snape roared with laughter. "Excellent!" he cried. "Twenty points to Ravenclaw! This is too good to be true."

"What?" Malfoy sounded panicky.

Potter handed him the mirror and Snape just managed to catch the Slytherin as he fainted. Malfoy´s hair was jet black and short now. His eyes were a bright green. The arrogant blond looked like Harry Potter´s brother.

The potions instructor dismissed the class and, after making Harry and Draco clean away the the spare ingredients, informed the two boys that he was supposed to maintain order in the Great Hall during supper.

"Can´t any other teacher fill in for you?" whined Draco. Harry agreed.

"Why would I want anybody to fill in for me? Walk around and tell people off is one of the few things I can do without help." Snape smirked.

The Great Hall was full when the trio entered. First there were only some giggles and turned heads, but little by little the noise rose to outright laughter. Snape enjoyed Potter and Malfoy squirm. Served them right! Their pride was a small price for Severus´s ability to use a wand, but the potions master was determined to make them pay, one knut at a time.

After five minutes of ridicule the boys were saved by Dumbledore who ordered Snape and his charges back to their quarters. Of course, Snape had known that the old coot would come to Potter´s aid. He had hoped it would take a little longer, but five minutes were better than nothing.

Sirius Black was waiting for the trio at their quarters. The man sat in the armchair in front of the fireplace, reading. When the three wizards entered, he looked up and hurried to his godson´s side at first sight.

"What did Snivellus do to you, Harry?" he asked urgently, pointing his wand at the potions master.

"I´d appreciate it if you didn´t stick your stick into my face. You´ll take an eye out, Black," hissed Snape angrily. He forced Harry between himself and their infuriated chaperone.

"Hiding behind children, Snape?" Sirius sneered.

"You´d hide behind children, too, if you couldn´t use a wand and were threatened by a moronic criminal who happens to be the loving godfather of said child." The potions master made the word ´loving´ sound like a curse. He glared at the other man from behind Harry.

"What did you do to my godson?" Sirius inquired again. "You will put it right this instant! Does it hurt, Harry?"

"No, it rather itches," said Harry.

"It can´t be ´put right´ as you so nicely put it. We have to wait for the potion to wear off. Tomorrow morning Potter will be his old boring self," sneered Snape. "It´s a harmless second year brew, but of course I can´t expect you to identify a potion. You wouldn´t recognize one if it shouted its name at you."

"Ah, and you are, of course, a master brewer. That´s why you´re glued to the boys." Sirius hissed angrily.

"Stop it!" Draco cried before Snape could retort again. "We have plenty other things to do! I´m hungry. I need to do my homework, and speaking of that, I have to catch up with my lessons first. I will not fail in my NEWTs because of this mess!"

"You still have to correct my essays," Snape reminded the boys.

"Come on, Snape! You can´t make the boys do your work!" cried Sirius. "Draco is right. They have to catch up with their own work."

"And I have to grade homework and happen to be unable to hold a quill. But I´ll gladly forgo the boys´ services if you´re willing to do the grading."

Sirius huffed, but at the pleading looks of Harry and Draco agreed.

The four wizards ordered supper first. Snape was fed by Harry, watered by Draco and laughed at by Sirius.

After the meal the four wizards settled down at the huge desk Dumbledore had provided. Somebody – the headmaster? – had laid out copies of Hermione´s notes from the lessons she shared with the boys and Ron´s divination notes.

Sirius moaned at the sight of the stack of essays he had to read and grade.

"Stop complaining and get started. We don´t have all night," sneered Snape. "You will read the essays and whenever you´re not sure about something, you will ask me. When you´ve finished marking the mistakes you will consult me about the final mark."

"Stop ordering me! I´m not your servant!" snarled Sirius.

"In this you are. I am a Hogwarts teacher and you aren´t." Snape smiled cruelly.

Everybody but Snape started to work. After ten minutes, Draco interrupted the silence. "I need a book on magical creatures. I have to look things up."

"As you´re the only one who can move quickly, I suggest you get the book, Black," Snape´s voice dripped with malice.

"I´m not your errand boy! Ask a house elf!" The request caused a young elf wrapped in an orange towel to appear. She bowed low and then looked at the four wizards expectantly. "How may Scary be of assistance?" she asked merrily.

"I need a book on magical creatures," ordered Draco. "Get me one from the library. I need information on dragons of the far north and green-whiskered gerbils."

"Yes, Master!" trilled the elf and disappeared. She returned soon enough with two books and handed them to Draco. "May Scary be of further assistance?"

"I think we will need more books later. Can you stay here at our service for the rest of the evening?" Snape asked.

"Scary has no other assignments," beamed the elf.

"Then you will stay and wait for orders."

"Yes, Master."

The elf stood by the desk and waited. After ten minutes she started to pace and after ten more she bumped her head against the piece of furniture.

"What are you doing?" screeched Snape.

"Isn´t that obvious?" sneered Sirius, who had grown up with house elves. "You didn´t give her something to do. She´s uncomfortable. Scary, why don´t you brush the professor´s hair until we have other orders for you?"

The small elf beamed at the wizard and conjured a brush with a snip of her fingers. She climbed up the back of the chair, sat on the backrest and started to brush Snape´s hair. The wizard blushed crimson, though whether it was fury or embarrassment wasn´t easy to tell. He glared at Black angrily.

"Scary," he then said sweetly, "when you´re finished with my hair, can you please paint Mr. Black´s toenails?"

"Of course!" squealed the tiny creature. "Scary is good at all kinds of cosmetics!" She brushed Snape´s hair with new energy in order to finish this task soon.

"Black, if you don´t stop kicking the elf and knuckle down to work with those essays soon, we won´t get any sleep at all tonight. I´ve never seen anybody work that slowly. And that´s saying something, seeing that I´m a teacher." Snape smirked at the other wizard from across the desk.

The man didn´t grace him with an answer, instead the house elf, who was trying to paint the wizard´s toe nails squeaked with pain.

"Scary, you have my permission to bind ´s legs to the chair," drawled the potions master.

"Thank you, Professor Snape, Sir," piped the elf from under the desk.

"You will unbind me this instant!" shrieked Sirius Black. He brought his fist down on the desk with a crash and jumped to his feet. The last was a bad idea as he lost his balance and fell down on the chair heavily.

"Scary is a Hogwarts elf. She will not go against a staff member´s orders," sneered Snape. Draco chuckled and Harry watched his godfather with worry. The man´s face was changing colour quicklier than a chameleon on a caffeine high.

"Snape! Order this creature to free me NOW!"

"I can´t! You seem to be in a rather violent mood and I can´t use a wand to protect Malfoy and Potter. Releasing you would be most unwise." The potions master smirked.

"Scary is finished, Professor Snape!" The small elf emerged from under the desk. Her nose and fingers were smeared with pink nail polish. Sirius Black stooped to look at his feet.

When the wizard re-emerged from under the desk he looked ready to breathe fire.

"You won´t throw a tantrum and keep us out of bed for much longer, will you?" Snape asked sweetly. "The boys are tired." Draco nodded enthusiastically. Harry stiffled a yawn only just out of loyalty to Sirius. "Are you finished with your homework?" The potions master asked evilly to emphasize that the other wizard was keeping them awake.

"You couldn´t have done this any quicker," snapped Sirius.

"In fact, I would have finished hours ago."

"Well, if you just put a T under any Gryffindor´s work..." Sirius glared at the potions master.

"Potter, when did you get a T last time?"

"In third year when I mixed up moonstone with pixie dust," Harry answered truthfully.

"See, Black? I do not grade all Gryffindor work a T without reading. Just face it! I´m cleverer than you."

"That can be debated. Fancy a little bet?"

"I will not be drawn into childish betting. You better go ahead and finish those essays."

Sirius Black smirked and started to cheep and move his arms like wings. "You never were very brave," he pointed out.

"You mistake bravery for foolhardyness. And I never was a fool, unlike some."

"Weren´t you?" Black grinned maliciously. "Shall I present evidence?"

"No, you shall not. You shall correct those essays!"

"No bet, no evidence... Snape you are a spoilsport. Still."

"Shut up, Black, and work."

"Make me!"

"Your wish is my order!"

Sirius cried out in pain as the potions master´s shoe connected with his shin. "Ouch! What was that good for?"

Snape smirked. "You didn´t think I´d use a curse, did you? Don´t forget your prescious godson made me practically a squib." His voice dripped with malice, and for emphasize he kicked again, sending Sirius into another howl of pain.

"Leave Harry out of this!" the other wizard hissed angrily when he had recovered from the pain. "It´s not his fault that you´re an incompetent teacher!" He glared at his opponent unblinkingly.

Snape jumped when Sirius caught him with a kick of his own by surprise. "Argh! How dare you!" He kicked back before Sirius was able to take precautions of being hit. Within seconds the two wizards were caught in a kicking duel.

Draco cried out when he was hit by a stray kick. He quickly pulled his legs up to get them out of the line of fire. Harry, on Snape´s other side, followed the blond boy´s lead.

"You´re disgustingly childish, both of you!" Draco spat as he clutched the edge of the desk, trying to keep himself from being pushed off the bench by a now vigorously kicking Snape. "Father will hear of this!"

"Awwwe, running to Daddy, Malfoy?" Sirius mocked, never ceasing to kick at the potions master. "How typical. You truly are Daddy´s heir. He ran to Abraxas, too, whenever things became less smooth."

"I hate to admit it, Sirius," Harry joined the conversation, "but a little more decorum would become both of you."

"What do you know about decorum, Potter," sneered Snape, doubling his efforts to hit the other wizard. "I wasn´t aware you even knew the word."

"I´m not a complete idiot, you know," hissed Harry.

"Aren´t you?" Snape smirked when he made a hit and Sirius howled with pain.

The younger Gryffindor slid his legs down from the bench and kicked at Snape. The potions master nearly fell off the bench when he was hit from an unexpected side. Then he kicked out at two opponents in turn.

It was soon clear that the potions master was fighting a losing battle with Sirius Black and Harry Potter joining forces against him. "Malfoy, you´re not going to let your head of house be beaten up by two Gryffindors, are you?" he hissed angrily as the blond stayed in his awkward position, crouched on the bench with his legs pulled up to his chest.

"I´m pleasantly surprised at Mr. Malfoy´s common sense," a cold voice said from the fireplace. The headmaster stepped out of the flames, brushing nonexistant ashes from his gaudy yellow and turquoise robes. "Severus, Sirius, I expected better of you two." He looked at the two wizards over the rim of his halfmoon spectacles. "And pulling an innocent child into your petty fight! You´re shameless!" He laid his hand on Harry´s shoulder heavily. The old wizard´s features softened when he looked at Draco. "Twenty points to Slytherin for your mature behaviour, Mr. Malfoy."

Draco beamed.

"And twenty points from Slytherin for your lack of self control, Severus." The headmaster continued sternly.

Draco´s face fell.

"You can´t take points from me! I´m a teacher!" cried Snape.

Sirius chuckled and Harry stared in disbelief.

"As a matter of fact, I can." The headmaster said in a no-nonsense voice. "I looked it up. It was done thrice before. Once by headmaster Ermenrich Watterfall, who took points from his transfiguration teacher in 1234 for transfiguring his chair during the Halloween feast. Then by headmaster Doris Abersmyth in 1529, who took points from her potions master for public brawling at a Hogsmeade weekend. And last but not least by myself, when I took points from you and Minerva for indignified behaviour in the Great Hall some years ago."

"You lost points for Slytherin as a teacher before?" Sirius chuckled with glee. "I can´t believe it! It´s like Christmas has come early."

Dumbledore turned to the supposed chaperone. "In 1450 headmaster Alastor Noneby took points from a guest for disturbing lessons with loud song. Therefore twenty points from Gryffindor for your behaviour, Sirius." The old man smirked.

"Ha!" cried Snape. "Malfoy won the points I lost back, but Gryffindor will stay in the red! You shouldn´t have dragged Potter into this fight."

"I didn´t!" cried Sirius. "You insulted him! Headmaster, this is unjust! Snivellus provoked Harry!"

"Two points from Gryffindor for the use of that name! Severus, Sirius, you will behave or both your houses will be in the red for the next ten years. I will not hesitate to take enough points to keep Slytherin and Gryffindor out of the house cup race for the next decade!"

"Points, or loss of points, cannot be carried into the next school year." Snape pointed out grimly.

"Try me!" That said, the headmaster stepped back into the fireplace and the four wizards were alone again.

Sirius and Snape found themselves the target of angry stares from Harry and Draco as soon as the headmaster had left.


	9. Chapter 9

"I really thought better of you," the blond spat at his head of house. "All of Slytherin worked hard to win the house cup and you risk it all because you can´t withstand a bit of provocation from this mongrel." Draco´s grey eyes glittered with anger. Nevertheless he added "Sir." after a small pause.

"And you," added Harry in his godfather´s direction, "are unbelievable! Not only did you lose hundreds of points in your own school years, but you lose more when all that´s asked of you is to stay here and keep us company!"

"I never asked for Snape´s company," Sirius muttered in a small voice.

"I´m sure he didn´t ask for yours either. I´m sure Dumbledore told you about the situation before you came here. So if you can´t stand him, why did you agree?"

"I couldn´t leave you in his clutches!"

"He didn´t clutch me!"

"He did! He´s still holding your neck!"

"Come on! It was an accident and not his fault!"

"He even brainwashed you!"

"I did no such thing!" Snape joined the conversation. "If it was possible to brainwash Potter, don´t you think I´d have done it years ago?"

"You confess you wanted to brainwash my godson?" Sirius was on his feet in an instant.

Snape followed suite, dragging the boys up with him. Draco, who still had his legs pulled up onto the bench lost his balance and had to grab the table in order not to fall. Snape had to bend in the blond´s direction and stood in an awkward angle.

"This has gone far enough," cried Harry. "Stop it! How any of you two managed to graduate with your fighting is beyond me. Sit down!" He pulled the stack of essays to him. "Here, there are first, second and fifth year essays left to grade. I will take the first years. Draco can do the second and Sirius the fifth. I´m tired and want to go to bed in the near future."

"Give Malfoy the fifth year essays. He´s better at potions than Black," advised Snape.

"Don´t start again!"

"He doesn´t." Sirius sighed. "He´s right. I´m useless at potions."

"But you told me you got an O in your NEWTs!"

"Well, James and I were rather inventive."

"I knew it!" Snape jumped to his feet again. "I knew you had cheated! And now you confessed!"

"I did no such thing! Harry, did I say anything about cheating?"

"No. You didn´t."

"See?"

Draco smirked. "It seems there is a bit of a Slytherin in you, cousin." The blond pulled the fifth year essays closer and started to read the first.

"There´s no reason to get insulting," muttered Sirius, but he obediently started on the second year essays while Harry read through the first years´ work.

Snape watched the other three wizards work and answered questions occasionally.

Despite the quiet collaboration, it took the four wizards until after midnight to finish the grading. As soon as Draco put down his quill – having been assigned the fifth years´ essays he needed longer than Harry and Sirius – Snape got up and pulled the two boys off the bench with him.

"Time for bed, I think," he announced.

Harry yawned in agreement and even Sirius, who struggled up from his seat tiredly, nodded his consent.

"We´ll take the bathroom first," Snape continued. Without hesitation Draco led the way and Snape and Harry followed.

The sight of his godson disappearing into the bathroom with the two Slytherins had Sirius Black wide awake instantly. "Where do you think you are going!" he shouted. "And what do you think you are doing!"

"The bathroom!" Snape shouted back. "Wash! And ... you know!"

"Certainly not in front of Harry!" Sirius stomped after the trio.

"And how am I going to achieve that? Don´t think I haven´t tried to find a way!" Snape sneered at the Gryffindor when he stormed into the bathroom. "You can´t really be stupid enough to believe that I enjoy sharing a shower with two students."

"As a matter of fact, I do!" screamed Sirius. "You were much too eager to get in here for my taste!"

"Don´t be ridiculous," hissed Snape. "I – and the boys I may add – was eager to come in here in order to get some sleep before morning. It´s late and I had a tiring day."

"Tiring, eh?" Sirius wiggled his brows suggestingly. "Yes, walking around with nothing to do must be exhausting."

"It´s not that I have nothing to do," Snape snapped back. "It´s more about that I can´t! I had to guide Malfoy and Potter through my lessons all day and as if that weren´t enough, I had to put up with you all evening. That alone was a herculean task."

"Nonsense!" Sirius made a dismissive gesture. "You were biding your time, waiting for a chance to take advantage of the boys!"

"I did not!" Snape screamed. Half a minute later, the two older wizards were engaged in another kicking match.

"Stop it!" cried Harry. "Sirius! You´re being childish!"

"Please," added Draco, "I just want to get some sleep. If you prefer so, cousin, I will go to bed unshowered."

"Urgh!" cried Snape. "You will do no such thing, Mr. Malfoy!"

"See!" Sirius howled with triumph. "He – the most greasy of gits – will turn all prissy on you to get you into the shower!" A howl of pain followed as Snape rammed his knee into the Gryffindor´s thigh. As soon as the worst pain had stopped, he started a vicious counter-attack on the potions master.

Draco had had enough. "Scary!" he cried in a tone that left no room for disobedience. "Get the headmaster here! Now!"

Dumbledore entered the bathroom two minutes later. This time he wore a teal gown. A yellow and pink striped nightshirt showed where it flapped open as he walked. The jelly bag cap on his head matched the shirt.

The man was livid.

"That´s it!" he cried as soon as he saw why he had been called. "I´ve had enough! I had thought better of you two! Just think of the example you set for the boys! This will stop here and now. Mr. Malfoy, I authorize you to take points from Gryffindor if Sirius misbehaves. Mr. Potter, I authorize you to take points from Slytherin if Professor Snape behaves unfit for a teacher."

"What?" the two older wizards cried in unison. "You can´t be serious!"

"I am!" Dumbledore turned on the spot and left, his head held high and his jelly bag cap dangling.

"This is your fault!" cried Snape as soon as the sound of the floo told of the headmaster´s departure.

"No! Yours!" shouted Sirius. "This would be so much easier if you weren´t a bloody pervert! – Ouch!"

"That´s it!" cried Harry. "I´m tired and we will go to bed. Now. Five points from Slytherin, professor."

"What? You can´t take points from the professor when this was cousin Sirius´s fault!" cried Draco. "Ten points from Gryffindor!"

"Good thinking, Mr. Malfoy," smirked Snape.

"Ten points from Slytherin for agreeing with the ferret!" hissed Harry without taking his eyes off Malfoy.

"Haha!" Sirius grinned.

"Ten more points from Gryffindor for ridiculing a classmate," Draco announced calmly.

"What? I don´t even go to school here! I have no classmates!" protested Sirius.

"You went to school with the professor. That makes him your classmate," Draco explained the obvious.

"I suggest you both stop taking points now or Slytherin and Gryffindor will end up in the red." Snape pointed out.

Both boys blushed.

For peace´s sake they went to bed unshowered.

Even Sirius had to admit that the boys and Snape had to shower at some point. He insisted, however, to protect his godson against the – in his opinion – perverted potions master. That was why in the morning all four wizards stepped into the shower, with Sirius having a hold of Snape´s neck to "be able to break it should he direct one inappropriate glance at the boy".

When they left the bathroom, each clad in only a towel – Harry had to wrap Sirius as the man refused to let go of Snape until Harry was properly covered – they found the Headmaster and his old friend Nicholas Flamel there.

"Albus!" cried the ancient wizard at the sight of the four wizards. "You didn´t tell me it spread! This new development makes all my previous work useless!" The small man glared at Dumbledore angrily, but only for a moment, then he rushed to the wizards to examine Sirius´s hand on Snape´s neck.

The latter growled angrily. "Don´t you think this is the moment to let go of me, Black? You don´t expect me to take advantage of Potter in plain view of the headmaster, do you?"

"It may be safe while he´s here," admitted the animagus and let go of the potions master. "But don´t think that you can try anything now that I´m not holding you!"

"Wonderful!" cried Flamel as he watched Sirius remove his hand from Snape´s neck. "It´s water-soluble! I didn´t think of trying that!"

"It´s not!" corrected him Snape. "Black wasn´t glued to us. On second thought he may be jealous that he is not."

"I´m not!" cried Sirius.

"Stop it! Or do you both want to lose more points?" hissed Draco.

"I still think it was unfair to take points from me for pouring me a glass of water," complained Sirius.

"It took you twenty minutes to pour it," hissed Draco through gritted teeth. "And by the time you were finished we all needed the loo at three in the morning. You will not desturb our sleep, or Gryffindor will need generations to make up for the loss of points."

Even Harry agreed with that.

Flamel cleared his throat noisily. "You know, I left my home to come here and help you, I think I deserve a little attention."

"I thought it would take a month to try the idea you had?" Snape looked at the old wizard hopefully.

"It will, but I came up with a different idea and I think it won´t hurt to try it while we wait for the ingredients for the antidote to be available." Flamel looked smug. "I need blood samples of all three of you."

"Over my dead body!" cried Snape. "Do you have any ideas how many dark rituals you could perform with blood samples?"

"As a matter of fact, I have more than an idea. You will have to rely on me not giving in to temptation." Flamel smirked.

"Severus, I assure you the samples won´t leave Hogwarts. Nicholas will work in my office."

"No blood sample of mine will leave my presence. He can work in my lab."

"Done!" cried Flamel. "Albus says your lab is superb."

"He can´t have my sample." Draco was visibly pale around his nose.

"Why´s that?" asked the headmaster. "Certainly an arrangement that is acceptable for professor Snape will find your acceptance, too."

Draco blushed despite his paleness.

"We´re waiting, boy," Flamel spat impatiently. "Why don´t you want me to try that new idea of mine?"

The blond shook his head, but said nothing.

The three adults looked bewildered, but Harry giggled. "Don´t tell me that big, dangerous Draco Malfoy is afraid of needles."

Draco blushed even more, but nodded, his eyes pressed shut tightly.

"Then there´s nothing to worry, child," beamed the old alchemist. "I wasn´t going to use a needle, but cut your palm with this dagger!" He showed a silver instrument that whould have gone by the name of sword for most people.

Draco relaxed. "No needle?" he asked, his voice a bit shaky. "In that case I accept the precautions."

"And you, Harry," asked Dumbledore kindly.

"He agrees," said Sirius. "I´m his godfather, I give permission."

Harry glared at the wizard angrily. "I´d have prefered a needle," he admitted. "This dagger looks too much like the sword of Gryffindor for my taste."

"The sword of Gryffindor?" Flamel cried excitedly. "You´ve seen it?"

"Of course. You have, too. It hangs on the wall in the headmaster´s office."

"That small thing? How disappointing!" Flamel made a face.

"Can we go to the lab now and maybe solve the problem at hand?" asked Snape, impatient.

"Well, of course!" cried Flamel. "You lead the way."

Snape pushed the boys towards the door of the quarters, but both struggled against the potions master´s lead.

"Stop this behaviour now!" Snape insisted.

"There´s no way I´m going down to the dungeons in only a towel!" cried Draco.

"Me neither!" agreed Harry.

"Not enough that you feast on my godson, eh?" Sirius made himself heard from the back of the room. "You have to put him on display for the entire school to see, don´t you?"

"Twenty points from Gryffindor!" cried Draco and Dumbledore in unison. Harry had caught Snape around the waist, which was a good thing for the potions master was struggling to get to Sirius and Harry´s arm was the only thing that held Snape´s towel. The ever-helpful house elf hadn´t fastened it well enough for a fist fight, or rather a kicking match.

"Won´t you ever learn, Sirius?" panted Harry as he struggled against the upset potions master. "And you stop the racket or I´ll release my hold on your towel!"

Snape went still immediately. "See what they´ve done to me?" he wailed at Dumbledore. "I can´t do anything by myself. Not even wear a towel!"

"You did quite well with the towel until you lost your temper," the headmaster pointed out. He rummaged through a small cabinet beside the window and poured drinks for himself and Flamel. "We´ll wait for you to get dressed." The old wizard looked at the bedroom door pointedly.

A little later, a group of six wizards wandered down to the dungeons.

"You´ll have to cancel my classes, if we´re going to experiment now," Snape pointed out. "I won´t leave Flamel or anybody else with my blood."

"Sirius can take over," Dumbledore replied calmly.

"You can´t be serious!" hissed the potions master and for once, Sirius Black agreed with him.

"Why not? Sirius had an O in his potions NEWT." Dumbledore smiled.

Snape raised a brow and looked at his schoolday rival expectantly. "You´re right, headmaster. I forgot," he said sweetly.

"Twelve years of Azkaban don´t really improve your brewing techniques," muttered Sirius.

"Azkaban?" cried Flamel in a high-pitched voice and hid behind Dumbledore. "You´re bringing me together with a brawler, fraud or whatever you get twelve years for?"

"Mass murder," muttered Sirius.

Flamel yelped and tried to wrap the headmaster´s robes around his small frame to disappear from Sirius´s view.

"You don´t have to hide, Nicholas," the headmaster said not unkindly. "If Sirius were to give in to an urge to kill, he´d go after Severus first, I assure you."

"Definitely!" agreed Sirius. He beamed at Flamel. "As long as Snivellus is alive, you´re perfectly safe."

"Two points from Gryffindor for name-calling," muttered Draco.

"Really, Albus," whined Sirius, "I think the boys are not mature enough to take points."

"They´re in the same year as the head boy and girl. Of course they are mature enough to take points. It´s you who acts immature." The headmaster glared at the wizard sternly.

"Are you sure it´s wise to provoke him?" asked Flamel from behind Dumbledore.

"He´s perfectly safe."

Snape snorted. "He attacked me several times since yesterday evening," he pointed out. "Luckily I´m able to take on the likes of him with my hands bound."

"Stop bickering," ordered Dumbledore. "Explain to Sirius what he has to do during the first lesson. He can come back for further instructions during the break."

"If my plan works, you even may be able to teach the second period yourself!" cried Flamel.

The rest of the way down to the dungeons, Snape instructed Sirius how to teach his fifth years.

"Wound salve?" Flamel asked from behind Dumbledore after Sirius had parted ways with them. "You have your fifth years brew wound salves? No wonder your students´ abilities are rather... doubtable." He eyed Snape with open disgust.

"I had to take the auxiliary teacher´s abilities into account," snapped Snape. "It wouldn´t be wise to let him brew anything that could be dangerous. Wound salve is completely harmless."

"We were supposed to brew a completely harmless draught," Harry pointed out.

"Thanks for encouraging me," Snape sighed tiredly. They had reached his private lab and the potions master muttered the password under his breath. The five wizards entered the tidy work room and Flamel started to look for bowls to gather Snape, Draco and Harry´s blood.

Snape pointed the ancient wizard to a cupboard on the far side of the room and Flamel got three small glass bowls. Then he produced a silver dagger from a pocket of his robes.

"Who wants to go first?" he asked merrily.

The two Slytherins shrank back, but Harry lived up to his reputation as a Gryffindor. "I will!" he said boldly and held his hand out, palm up.

"Splendid, my boy, splendid!" praised Dumbledore.

Flamel chuckled, satisfied to have found a volunteer. He held one of the small bowls under Harry´s hand and cut his palm without further ado. Blood welled from the deep cut he had made.

"Is it really necessary to nearly amputate a limb?" asked Snape and Draco made a face that told that he had the same question in mind.

"Scared?" Harry grinned despite his pain. Dumbledore hurried to cast a healing charm and the cut closed. The young Gryffindor flexed his fingers. "Everything still works fine," he pointed out.

"Gryffindors are known for their sheer, dumb luck," Snape pointed out.

"Heeeey!" scolded Flamel. "I was a Gryffindor myself!"

"You told me you were in Ravenclaw," Dumbledore said, dumbfounded.

"Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, where is the difference?" Flamel stood in front of Draco and held out another glass bowl. "Your hand, boy!"

Draco made a face, but held out his hand as Harry had done. Flamel cut him and the blond suffered it without batting a lash. He smirked at Harry when Dumbledore had healed him. "Bravery is not only for Gryffindors," he drawled.

"You hardly need bravery to suffer a little cut like that," Harry sneered back.

"You´re next, Snape," Flamel interrupted their bickering. "Extend a hand!"

Snape gave the old wizard a death glare. Harry and Draco exchanged awkward glances and Dumbledore cleared his throat.

"What?" Flamel tapped his foot impatiently.

"And what would it do for you if I extended my hands?" Snape snapped. He did as he said, shoving the boys forward.

Flamel retreated a step when Draco nearly crashed into him. The small wizard paled. "I see," he cried. "I see!" He ran to and fro excitedly, brandishing his dagger, trying to decide which part of Snape to cut.

The potions master shrank back, keeping the boys between himself and Flamel. The two wizards moved around each other in a bizarre dance.

"You will have to stand still or I won´t be able to do this," Flamel pointed out the obvious.

"That´s the point!" Snape sneered.

"Severus, you´re being difficult again." Dumbledore raised his wand threateningly.

"You´re one to speak. You don´t have a senile old codger after you with a knife!"

"Who do you call a codger?" cried Flamel.

"See? He´s senile!" Snape cried.

"This is ridiculous!" cried Draco.

"I hate to admit it but Malfoy is right!" Harry joined the racket.

"Stop it! All of you!" Dumbledore was angry.

"Not before you take the knife from him!"

"He didn´t hurt the boys!"

"Sheer dumb luck! He admitted he was in Gryffindor!"

"He was a Ravenclaw. He´s senile!"

"I´m not!" cried Flamel, now livid. He tossed the knife to the floor angrily.

Suddenly there was the sound of a nearby explosion.

"My classroom!" screamed Snape. He pushed the boys towards the door, but Dumbledore was faster.

By the time Snape reached his classroom, the headmaster had everything under control. He was tucking away his wand when Snape stopped short at the sight of black smoke and muddy green slime dripping from the walls and tables.

The potions master gaped at what had been a perfectly clean dungeon classroom until some minutes ago for some moments before he exploded.

"Black!" he screeched at the top of his lungs. "What have you done? Wound salve needs not a single potentially explosive ingredient! Was the lesson not exciting enough that you decided to blow up a cauldron or two?"

Sirius Black was leaning on the teacher´s desk heavily. His robes were hanging in rags and there were some burns on the sleeves. His hair was sticky with green slime.

"I didn´t blow up anything!" he muttered heavily. "It´s not my fault you don´t label your ingredient boxes properly."

"What? All my ingredients are properly labeled!" Snape looked at Draco and Harry for support. The blond nodded. "Everything is labeled," he confirmed and pointed at the students´ cupboard.

"I´m not talking about that cupboard!" cried Sirius. "There were no more salamander scales, but you had that little box in your desk drawer."

Snape paled considerably. "Tell me you didn´t use the green box."

"Now you mention it," mumbled the auxiliary teacher, "it may have been green."

"What do you mean ´it may´. Was it, or was it not a green box?" Snape screamed.

"I really don´t see why the colour matters," Sirius screamed back. "Yes, the damned box was green!"

"You idiot!" Snape tried to launch another physical attack at Black, but the boys held him back. "Those were the last basilisk scales! You ruined 5000 galleons worth of potions ingredients!"

"Basilisk scales?" Sirius hissed dangerously. "Why did you have basilisk scales? Harry killed that beast! Any scales are his!"

"What are you talking about?" Snape sneered. "The basilisk was school property. You should be grateful that Potter wasn´t accused of damaging it!"

"Severus!" Dumbledore was scandalized.

"Don´t be absurd, Snape! There´s no excuse for you stealing from my godson." Black sneered back at the potions master.

Snape glared at the other wizard dangerously. "No silly accusation will distract from the fact that you ruined my classroom. How many of my students are hurt? Headmaster, did you look under the tables? There may be bodies."

"Are you accusing me of killing children?"

"Maybe you´re missing Azkaban more than you´re ready to admit," Snape smirked.

Sirius Black moved with amazing speed. He hit the potions master on his nose before the headmaster was able to cast a spell to keep the two wizards apart.

"You broke my nose!" cried Snape. His voice sounded strange, as if he had a really bad cold. "Headmaster! Call the aurors! I´m bleeding."

"Really?" Flamel cried from behind the potions master. "Let me through! Let me through!" He held a small bowl under Snape´s nose to get some blood, but had to retreat when the man kicked at him. "I have three drops!" Flamel howled with triumph. "That will do!"

"Don´t be melodramatic, Severus," ordered Dumbledore. He waved his wand at his potions instructor´s face. "Now, children," he turned and looked at the students who had gathered at the back of the classroom like a herd of scared sheep, which was rather remarkable seeing that half of them were in Gryffindor. "why don´t you go and have an early lunch?"


	10. Chapter 10

Harry and Draco moved to attend lunch with the class, but Snape didn´t allow it. He pulled the boys back and made them follow Flamel back to the laboratory.

"I will not leave my blood with this man!" hissed the potions master. "And I´m shocked that you two don´t wish to be equally cautious. Haven´t I taught you anything?"

Malfoy blushed and muttered an apology, but Harry looked at the two Slytherins, puzzled. "What?" he asked when neither of them deigned him with an answer.

"With our blood, Flamel could brew all kinds of potions to manipulate our minds," Draco sighed at last.

Harry still didn´t understand. "Why would he want that?"

"Well," sneered the potions teacher, "perhaps he likes the thought of you having nightmares every night. Or perhaps he finds having you enamoured with Professor Trelawney," – Snape made a face – "funny. Or perhaps he wants to make you forgetful in order to manipulate you. And those are only the harmless options."

Harry paled.

"He could make you kill your best friend or take over the world for him," said Malfoy. "He could make you think you should give him all your money or go to lessons in the nude."

"All with my blood?" Harry asked in disbelief.

"All with your blood," confirmed Snape.

"In that case I insist we join him in the lab."

Flamel started a series of experiments as soon as they reached Snape´s private workroom. He cut, sliced, mashed and brewed. Snape tried to follow, but Flamel worked at an impressive speed and had several cauldrons bubbling at once. The old wizard continued untiringly. In the evening he allowed Dumbledore to provide them with a meal of pea soup and boiled pork. In midmeal he dipped a spoonful of soup into one of his cauldrons.

An hour later Flamel tried one potion on Snape´s left hand and another on his right. Neither broke the connection with the boy attached to Snape´s hand, but the one applied to the right hand had both, Harry and Snape shift uncomfortably.

Harry reached to his neck to scratch the patch of skin where Flamel had applied the potion.

"Potter, while you´re at it, please scratch my hand," Snape sounded a bit whiny. "Harder! Yes, that´s it! More!"

Draco looked at the connection between the potions master and the Gryffindor. He gasped. "This doesn´t look good!" he cried.

Alerted by the note of panic in the blond´s voice, Dumbledore and Flamel moved closer to see for themselves.

"Merlin!" exclaimed the headmaster.

"Is any of you allergic to sage?" The alchimist asked, worried.

"Yes, I am!" Snape and Harry confirmed in unison.

"That´s bad! Very bad!" muttered Flamel. "But I think I can come up with an antidote."

"Don´t overexert yourself," growled Snape. "I can brew one."

"But I want to right what pain I caused you," insisted the older wizard.

"And I don´t trust you to be able to!"

"May I remind you that you can´t use your hands?" Flamel asked triumphantly.

"Potter and Malfoy can brew. It´s not like it can´t be done."

"You are talking about the students who caused this situation."

"As it happens, I´m going to supervise them closely."

At last Flamel gave in. He left for his own lab in order to continue working on a magical glue remover and left Snape and the boys to brewing a sage allergy potion.

Despite the late hour, Snape refused to return to their quarters after Flamel had left. "My right hand is itching and I can´t scratch it! I won´t go anywhere before I had a dose of anti-allergy potion," he announced.

Draco resigned to Snape´s plan tiredly and Harry even agreed enthusiastically. Dumbledore volunteered to help with the brewing and Sirius Black offered to "do some cutting".

"Excuse me, cousin," drawled the blond, "but having seen you interact with the professor, I guess we´d be quicker if you wouldn´t help."

"I have a right to be with my godson!" cried Sirius.

Before anybody could throw another tantrum – Snape was stopped the last moment – Harry hugged Sirius. "That´s so wonderful of you to say that, Sirius!" he cried. "But if you want to help me, please go and start correcting today´s essays, yes?"

Snape rolled his eyes, but said nothing. Draco bit his lip nervously and the headmaster enthused: "What a splendid idea! I will personally stay with Harry. You can start with the papers!"

Sirius pouted, but complied, though not before glaring at Snape threateningly before he left the lab.

As soon as the man had left, Dumbledore clapped his hands. "So, how do we start?"

Snape proved that he wasn´t a potions master for nothing. He sent the headmaster for the ingredients while he ordered Harry to cut, chop and squash the ingredients. Draco, who was the best brewer in his year, was to do the actual brewing.

He talked the boys through the procedure of potion making while giving them additional information here and there. He also corrected their work occasionally, but all in all everything went well.

"You know, Severus," said the headmaster when Snape had declared the potion ready, "it wouldn´t hurt to add some cocoa to improve the taste."

"I will not add an unnecessary ingredient for something as petty as taste!" cried Snape, offended.

"But people will like your potions better if they are tasty," Harry pointed out.

"I´m a potions master, not a chef!" spat Snape. "I don´t brew potions for their taste as long as they help!"

"That´s your mistake," Dumbledore said benignly. "You could make a fortune if you went for taste."

"Efficacy is decisive! Taste is not! And now give me a dose of this brew!" shouted Snape angrily.

"Now, now, Severus," soothed Dumbledore. "You know what. We will make your potion a bit more palatable. I happen to have some lemon drops with me." He dropped two of the sweets into the cauldron.

"You fool!" shrieked Snape. "Do you have an idea how those drops will interact with the brew?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. It´s only sugar and a bit of lemon juice. Nothing that will change the effects of the potion."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Let the boy try it."

"Why would I make Harry take it first?"

"Because he´s a Gryffindor. Gryffindors do things like that."

"But you are the potions master!"

"Just give me the potion. My neck is killing me," Harry interrupted the quarrel. He snatched the spoon from the headmaster and took a dose of the potion.

The potion acted immediately. Harry´s jaw dropped a bit, his lids sank down and he leaned against Snape heavily.

"´M tired," he babbled drowsily. "Can we go to bed, ´fessor?" He leaned a bit closer and rested his head against his potions instructor´s shoulder.

Snape looked down at the boy in disgust. "Potter!" he spat. "Stop this behaviour immediately!"

"What?" Harry stopped rubbing his head against Snape´s shoulder and looked up at the older wizard from under his lashes dreamily. On Snape´s other side Draco made a face.

"Now look what you´ve done!" Snape shouted at Dumbledore. "Sugar and lemon juice, eh? Ha!"

"What else could there be in lemon drops?" the headmaster asked meekly.

"Are you crazy? Do you mean to tell me that you uttered a guess on an important matter like what you added to my potion?"

"I think it´s a wonderful potion! The itching is gone. You should try it, too, ´Fessor!" Harry had resumed rubbing against Snape. Only now did he make a purring sound.

"Great," Snape glared down at the boy. "You made your junior hero a bloody kitten! Well done, Albus! If the Dark Lord attacks, he can kill him by waiving around his legs at the top of the stairs."

"Do you think it can be done?" Dumbledore asked curiously.

Snape sighed. "No, I do not think that Potter can purr the Dark Lord to death." He rolled his eyes.

"What a pity," Dumbledore uttered his own sigh, "for a short moment I was hopeful."

"I want to know what exactly was in those lemon drops!" Snape´s voice held a touch of hysteria as he tried to fend off Harry, who was trying to lick his neck. "Malfoy, do something!"

"What would I do?" asked the blond. "Better you than me!"

"Mr. Potter!" Snape ordered in his best teacher tone. "Stop this behaviour! I do not need any cleaning. You were there when I took a shower!"

"But a tongue bath is so much better!" insisted Harry. "Don´t be afraid, Draco, you´ll be next." He purred a bit louder.

"I guess I´d rather find out about the lemon drops quickly," Dumbledore left the lab at a hurry.

"I really hope he´s quick," Draco pointed out. He made a face as Harry rubbed his cheek against Snape´s left hand and the blond´s neck at the same time.

"You hope he hurries?" Snape asked in disbelief. "It is me who has his spit all over him."

"Oh, really?" Draco tried to fend off Harry who was now licking the blond´s face. He did a better job than Snape as he could use his hands, but the Gryffindor was surprisingly obstinate. Luckily the headmaster returned soon.

"I found the bag. Here it is. List of ingredients," he read out. "Sugar. Ha! I told you so!" His triumphant face fell as he read on. "Artificial lemon flavour! Artificial colour! Why the hell would somebody put bee wax into lemon drops?"

"Albus," cried the potions master, "please tell me you didn´t add a muggle lemon drop to a magical potion."

"Don´t pretend it makes a difference! A drop is a drop!"

"But the effect of all the artifcial stuff muggles use on potions is barely investigated! Look at Potter! We don´t even know for sure the effect is temporary! He may be a kitten for the rest of his life!"

Draco and Dumbledore both looked shocked. Harry, on the other hand looked pleased. "I like being a kitten!" He purred.

"We need to experiment with those drops. Albus, I need several dozens of them."

"Several dozens? This is my whole supply! Are you sure it is necessary?" The old wizard was obviously reluctant to part with his favourite sweets.

Snape snorted. "Unless you can think of a way for Potter to kill the Dark Lord by licking, purring and rubbing his head against the man, it is."

Draco chuckled. "We should try. If we´re lucky the git will suffer a heart attack and die from shock." His giggled died when Snape gave him his trademark death glare.

"I don´t want to give anybody a heart attack," Harry purred dreamily. "And you should take your allergy potion, ´fessor!"

"I most definitely will not try this brew. The thought alone of becoming a brainless feline like you!" Snape shuddered.

"That was not a nice thing to say," pouted the Gryffindor. "Can we go to bed now? I´m tired."

"Certainly not! We won´t go to bed before you´re cured!"

"But I´m tired," insisted Harry in a whiny voice.

"So what," spat Snape. "There´s no way in hell I will share a bed with you in this condition."

"To be honest, I could use a nap, too," Draco pointed out. "You need me to do the brewing for you as Potter can hardly be expected to manage. And in my current state of fatigue, I´ll be completely useless."

This convinced Snape. He couldn´t use his own hands and if Draco, who was good, but unexperienced, wasn´t able to concentrate, Snape´s ideas couldn´t be tested. The potions master sighed in defeat. "We´ll go to bed and try to brew an anti-lemon drop draught tomorrow." He pushed the boys towards the door. "Albus, you better get a proper substitute teacher for the next few days. Black isn´t up to the task."

"I´m afraid you´re right. I will ask Horace to take over your classes for the time being." Dumbledore follewed the trio out of the lab and up the stairs.

Sirius looked up from the desk when Snape and the two boys entered their quarters. "What´s the meaning of this?" he asked angrily when he saw Harry try to wrap himself around his potions master.

"The headmaster ruined a perfect allergy potion and your godson foolishly embibed it!" Snape tried to wiggle free from Harry, but it was useless. Without use of his hands, he couldn´t escape. "He thinks he´s a cat."

"I don´t think so! I am a cat!" Harry pouted. After a short pause he started to unbutton his trousers.

Snape and Draco gasped and Sirius hurried to stop his godson, but Harry was quicker. He dropped his trousers and presented a perfect black cat tail. "See?" he asked proudly.

"It´s worse than I thought!" moaned Snape.

"You thought my tail was bad?"

"Snape!" shouted Sirius. "I will not tolerate you thinking about Harry´s tail! It's inappropriate!"

"I didn´t!" the potions master defended himself. "I was talking about the situation at large!"

"So you didn´t think my tail was bad?" Harry purred and tickled Snape´s nose with the tip of his tail.

"I just hope this is only temporary," sighed Snape, but his tone made it clear he didn´t think so.


	11. Chapter 11

Unsurprisingly, the problem was not gone when the three attached wizards woke in the morning.

Snape was the first to be aware of the fact that things had gotten worse.

"Argh! Potter, go away!" the potions master groaned grumpily.

"I can´t!" giggled Harry. At least last evening´s fatigue was obviously gone. "I´m glued to you!"

"Then at least stop licking my neck! Your whiskers tickle! And unwrap my leg! Now!" roared Snape.

"Whiskers?" yawned Draco from the potions master´s other side. He blinked in the morning light and scrambled up on his elbow to have a better look at his favourite enemy. "Gee, Potter! That´s quite a lot of hair in your face!" He grinned maliciously. "It´s definitely an improvement."

Snape ignored the younger Slytherin in favour of continuing his nag at Harry. "I said remove your tail from my leg! Just because you´re sleeping in my bed you don´t have the right to behave inappropriately!"

"Who says it is YOUR bed?" asked the younger wizard. He stroked his new whiskers absentmindedly. "And besides, I´m doing nothing." He reached under the blanket and pulled out his tail.

Snape paled. "If your tail is here, then..." He left the rest unspoken.

Draco smirked and pulled the blanket down to see what was bothering his head of house.

It was a pink tail.

"What´s that?" shrieked Snape in a high-pitched, panicky voice.

"I´d say it´s your tail," the blond pointed out the obvious. "I find the colouring rather interesting."

"Why does Potter get a black tail and I a pink one?" pouted the potions master. "And speaking of it, why do I get a tail at all? I didn´t drink the potion!"

"Sirius!" Harry cried merrily.

"Sh, Potter!" Snape tried to silence the Gryffindor. "Don´t alarm the dogfather to the situation! He´ll make fun of me!"

"You can bet on that," said said godfather from the door. "Turning into the pink panter, eh, Snape?" He chuckled.

"Shut up, Sirius!" scolded Harry. "We need you to get the headmaster!"

"Why would I go for the headmaster when I can stay here and have a good laugh at Snivellus?" He smirked.

"Twenty points from Gryffindor," Draco said icily.

Snape granted the blond one of his rare smiles. "Thank you, Mr. Malfoy," he said formally.

"You´re very welcome." Draco hinted a bow.

"Get Dumbledore, before you ruin Gryffindor!" Harry ordered his godfather. Sirius made a face, but obeyed.

The headmaster arrived barely five minutes later. "What´s the matter now?" he asked tiredly. The old man wore an orange bath robe over a magenta nightshirt.

"Professor Snape´s turning into a pink cat," Draco pointed out.

The potions master and his Gryffindor charge had entwined their tails and where rubbing their heads on each other happily. Both purred.

"But he didn´t drink the potion!" cried the headmaster.

"No, he didn´t," Draco looked at the two feline wizards in disgust.

"My poor boy!" cried the headmaster. "This must mean the potion is contagious. You will be next!"

"What?" squeaked the blond, frightened. "I don´t want that!"

"You won´t turn into a cat," giggled Harry. "You will be a ferret!"

Malfoy moved faster than anybody had anticipated. One moment he was lying on Snape´s one side, shaking with fear, and the next he had jumped over the potions master and was hitting Harry for all he was worth.

"Stop it! Stop it!" shrieked Snape, who was hit several times, but unable to defend himself without his hands. "Albus, do something!"

"I´ll call Nicholas," said the old wizard. "We don´t need another mishap. Sirius, kindly prevent them from killing each other."

That said, the headmaster left the room and hurried to make his floo call.

An hour later, Snape and the boys awaited Flamel´s arrival in the headmaster´s office. The latter glanced at the fireplace nervously from time to time. "He said he´d be here quickly," he muttered with a nervous look at the trio. The tips of pink ears were breaking through the potions master´s black mane, and the man and Harry were tickling each other´s nose with the tips of their tails, purring loudly. Draco was rolling his eyes again and again.

It wasn´t Flamel who made his appearance though. Horace Slughorn turned up at the door. "You said it was urgent, Albus?" the obese wizard asked curiously. At the sight of Snape wrapping a pink tail around the wizarding world´s junior hero his eyes widened.

"Horace, I need you to take over potions until Severus is back up and about." Dumbledore sighed tiredly. "Nicholas agreed to take care of the problem at hand."

"Why does Flamel get the interesting task?" Slughorn pouted.

The headmaster looked at his old friend over the rims of his halfmoon spectacles. "Can you imagine Nicholas cope with first years?" He smiled benignly.

The former head of Slytherin chuckled. "Alright, I see your point. Give me Snape´s timetable."

"I´m glad you asked for it," Dumbledore produced a small roll of parchment from his sleeve. Slughorn unrolled it and studied it for a brief moment. "I guess things are where they used to be?" he asked Snape, who was nestled against Harry´s chest now. The boy stroked his hair and the potions master purred. "Oh, right, uhm, yes, er, I´ll find out." That said Slughorn left the office at a run.

"Harry," said the headmaster, "please let go of professor Snape. This is inappropriate behaviour."

The young Gryffindor pouted, but obeyed. Snape growled at the loss of contact, but calmed down when the fire flared to life and Nicholas Flamel stepped into the office. He still wore the same robes as the day before. "I experimented all night," he said instead of a greeting. "Luckily I had a sleep potion ready."

"Shouldn´t it be a sleeping potion?" asked Draco from his spot on the sofa beside Snape and Harry.

"For your information, young man," snapped Flamel. "It was a sleep potion I took. One drop equals one hour of sleep. But of course you can´t know that with your inferiour potions training." He looked at Snape disgustedly. "What have you done now, boy?"

"I didn´t do nothing! Albus ruined my allergy potion!"

"Is it true, Albus?" Flamel asked sternly.

"I wanted to assist with the taste! How was I to know all that stuff was in those drops?"

"Don´t tell me you used your sweets in a potion! Didn´t I teach you anything?" The ancient wizard was livid. "Tell me everything you know about the potion!"

Snape informed the alchimist about the recipe he had used and Albus surrendered his lemon drops.

"This is the most stupid thing you ever did but perhaps when you spiced the Christmas pudding with onion," Flamel scolded his former partner. "Sometimes I wonder how you survived long enough to complete your studies about dragon blood." He glared at Snape and Harry. "And I wonder what drove you to drink the stuff."

"You don´t know the worst yet," sighed Snape. "I didn´t drink it. The brew must have entered my system due to skin contact.

"A contagous potion? Fascinating!" Flamel moved closer to examine the two wizards. He picked at Snape´s ears and Harry´s whiskers. When he touched their entwined tails, both wizards spat.

After a close look at the two new felines, Flamel turned to Draco. "What about you? Do you feel any symptoms?"

Draco shook his head.

"Are you sure?" the alchimist scrutinized the blond. "If the potion worked its way through to Snape, it´s rather strange that you should remain unaffected."

"There are no symptoms," the young Slytherin insisted. "None at all."

"You two, what was the first symptom for you?" Flamel wasn´t ready to drop the topic easily.

"The tail," said Snape and Harry nodded, using the movement to rub his cheek against Snape with another purr. "And I didn´t feel it. I saw it."

The ancient wizard looked at the trio, calculating. "Mr. Malfoy, show your behind!" he demanded after some contemplation.

"I will do no such thing!" cried Draco. "You have no right to request this!"

"But I have." Dumbledore stepped in for his old friend. "Do as Master Flamel says."

"No!"

"Mr. Malfoy! Need I contact your father? I´m certain he will be interested in hearing you´re endangering your safety and health."

"Father would never agree to the old coot looking at my backside!"

Snape snorted. "Draco, don´t be ridiculous. Your father would agree to Flamel doing whatever he wants if he thought it was for your best. Looking at your posterior won´t bother him at all."

"Fine!" spat the blond. He got up so abruptly that the head of Slytherin was nearly dragged off the sofa and Harry yelped when he lost his pillow. The Malfoy heir lifted his robes and lowered his trousers enough to give Flamel a good view. "Content?"

Snape looked over the blond´s shoulder – Draco had turned from him in order to hide his exposed backside – and muttered "oh, my". Flamel cried out in delight. "Splendid! Wonderful! Interesting!" The headmaster, who had retreated behind his desk to give the young Slytherin some privacy, came back to the group to see what amazed his colleagues so much.

Malfoy tried to turn enough to see his backside, but didn´t succeed. "What? What?" he cried excitedly.

Harry abandoned his snuggling up to his potions teacher for long enough to go and see for himself. "You grew a bunny tail, Malfoy." He grinned.

The blond reached behind himself. He pailed as his hand made contact with soft fur.

"Oh, I´m so looking forward to seeing your ears!" Harry clapped his hands.

"I won´t grow ears!" shrieked the blond.

"Stupid child," growled Snape. "Would you prefer a copy of Miss Granger´s teeth?"

"Fifty points from Slytherin!" cried Harry.

"Fifty?" asked Dumbledore. "Don´t you think that´s a bit much?"

"Not at all," Harry stood his ground. "Hermione is my friend!"

"I don´t care whether he sprouts ears or rodent teeth." Flamel snapped. "What I find interesting is that the same potion turned two wizards into cats and one into a bunny. – You may rebutton your pants, boy."

Draco hurried to obey while Flamel studied the plastic bag the lemon drops had come in.

Dumbledore and the stuck trio of wizards watched the alchimist in anticipation. Flamel took his time.

"Does anybody know what E165 means?" he asked at last.

Neither of the four wizards had an idea.

"Well, it can´t be sugar or lemon acid or any other of the stuff mentioned on this bag. The only substance I have no idea about is E165."

"It´s a muggle plastic bag. We should ask a muggle," Dumbledore suggested.

Flamel snorted. "Oh yes, brilliant as always, Albus. Let´s kidnap a muggle and bring him to our secret lab!"

Harry hopped up and down with excitement. "I know!" he cried. "I know!"

Snape used all the strenght of his right arm to keep the Gryffindor from hopping and shaking him more. "Merlin, Potter! You are not a frog!" he hissed.

Harry looked at the potions master guiltily. It took all his concentration to keep calm. "There are plenty of muggles who know about the wizarding world AND plastic bags!" he cried triumphantly. "Why don´t we ask one of those?"

"Brilliant!" cried Flamel. "At least one of you imbeciles has a brain!"

Snape and Dumbledore snorted. Draco made a hissing sound. He clutched his hands to his mouth, irritated.

"Show me your mouth!" Flamel demanded. "Splendid!" He used his thumb to raise the blond´s upper lip to better see his new front teeth.

Harry giggled. "Cute, Malfoy!"

Draco pushed past the alchimist to hit Harry. Snape once again did everything in his power to keep the boys apart. "You are one to speak!" The blond cried. "Snuggling up to the professor at any opportunity!" The new teeth gave his voice a lisping quality, making Harry giggle even more.

"Arrrgh!" Malfoy tried to push past Snape with all his might, but the impression of furious wizard was desturbed by the pair of white bunny ears suddenly popping up from between the blond strands.

"Ah, the girls will love you!" cried Harry.

Snape couldn´t help but agree, which made the younger Slytherin even more furious.

"A pity they won´t get to see your tail," giggled Harry.

"Stop it, boys," chuckled Dumbledore. "This is serious."

Flamel agreed, although he was giggling, too. "Potter´s suggestion makes sense. Which muggle scientists with wizarding relatives do we know?"

"What about Hermione´s parents?" shrugged Harry. "They are dentists. I bet they know everything about sweets."

As none of the present wizards knew a better candidate, the headmaster sent for the Granger girl. After explaining the situation to her – which wasn´t easy as she kept oggling Malfoy – the old wizard and the girl left to ask the Grangers for help. Upon leaving the office, the girl looked back at the trio longingly.

"Merlin, Albus," sighed Snape. "Let her stroke him once before you go or she will be daydreaming all the way."

The headmaster agreed and Granger was given five minutes to scratch Malfoy´s ears to her heart´s content. The boy protested first, but as soon as Hermione found the right spot just behind his left ear, he practically purred.


	12. Chapter 12

The headmaster returned with three Grangers in tow within half an hour. Mr. and Mrs. Granger stepped out of the fireplace looking around curiously. Hermione hurried to brush ashes from her parents´ clothes.

At the sight of the three part-animal wizards, the two muggles jumped back in shock.

Mr. Granger recovered first. "Fascinating!" he cried. "Hermione told us about sprouting whiskers and a tail after her second year but until now I believed she had exaggerated!" He walked around the sofa to better see from all angles. He touched Snape´s ears from behind and the potions master jumped to the edge of the couch with a yelp. "And look at him!" Mr. Granger continued, oblivious of the head of Slytherin´s building ire. "How cute!" He stroked Draco´s ears.

"I would appreciate it, Sir," hissed Snape, "if you stopped groping my student!"

"You are one to speak!" Mrs. Granger joined the conversation. "Look at you! If one of these boys was my son, I´d tell you something! Fumbling with children! And in public!"

"Mrs. Granger!" Dumbledore spoke up before Snape could start one of his legendary tantrums. "The problem I described is actually the second potions mishap that hit the three."

Mrs. Granger glared at the old wizard angrily. "And pray tell, why don´t you intervene when it is a known fact that this man," she pointed at Snape, "is incompetent?"

"Mother!" hissed Hermione. "This is Professor Snape!"

"Hermione," Mrs. Granger scolded, "I don´t care how hot you find the man. He´s not the right choice as an instructor if he isn´t able to keep his students safe. And that he isn´t able to do so can hardly be denied."

Hermione blushed up to the roots of her hair.

"Why, Granger," Draco smirked. His comment didn´t sound as snide as it was meant to due to his lisping. "Had I known you had a thing for Slytherins I´d have complied."

"As if you were fit to hold a candle to me, Malfoy," Snape sneered. His tail wrapped around Potter´s as if it had a will of it´s own. Hermione blushed even more. "However," the potions master continued, "I must ask you not to babble to the public about your stupid crush, Miss Granger."

"Why?" asked Flamel. "Do you think she´s not good enough for you?"

Mr. Granger stood beside his daughter. "Be careful what you say, Sir." He glowered at the head of Slytherin.

Snape chose the easy way out and started to lick Potter´s neck instead of an answer. The gesture was happily reciprocated by the boy.

They were stopped by Mrs. Granger hitting the potions master with a pillow. "Stop this, you vile man!" she screamed.

"Mrs. Granger! They´re behaving perfectly naturally for cats!" cried Dumbledore.

"Are you mental?" cried the woman. "And if they decided they wanted rabbit for dinner, it would be deemed perfectly natural, or what?"

The two cat-wizard parted to look at Malfoy. "He does look good." Snape stated.

"Delicious!" agreed Harry.

They exchanged a quick glance before they leapt at the blond. Malfoy squealed under the heap of potions master and Gryffindor.

"Do something!" screamed Mrs. Granger.

"They´re having you on," smiled Dumbledore.

"How can you say that? He´s screaming!"

"He´s laughing!"

"He´s in pain!"

"They´re tickling him. They´re having you on, I tell you! – Boys, stop frightening the muggle!"

Wearing similar pouts Snape and Harry returned to their seats, leaving Draco gasping for air. "That was mean!" complained the blond.

"We have more pressing problems," Flamel made himself heard. He brandished the lemon drop bag at the Grangers. "I need help with this list of ingredients."

Mr. Granger took the bag from Flamel. He stepped closer to the fireplace to see better. Mrs. Granger followed suite and looked at the bag from beside her husbands upper arm.

"These are very unhealthy!" scolded Mr. Granger. "You could at least have bought the sugar-free version."

"Tell me you´re not giving them to the kids," added his wife.

Dumbledore blushed.

"He keeps trying to force them on people," Snape made himself heard from the sofa. "Merlin knows how often I have declined the offer, but he ignores me."

"Me too," Harry chimed in.

Malfoy pouted. He had never been offered lemon drops by the headmaster. Nor any other sweet, come to think of it. He muttered something about favoritism.

"We didn´t call you to discuss the health merits of the blasted stuff," snarled Flamel. "I need to know what E165 is and does!"

"Well, those E-numbers normally stand for food additives," explained Mr. Granger. "The problem is I don´t remember number 165 being used."

"What?" cried Flamel.

"It has to be a substance that hasn´t been used for long," explained Mrs. Granger. "I don´t recall 165 either."

"Where can we get an up-to-date list?" Snape asked from his sofa.

"Well, that´s easy, we can search the internet." Mr. Granger smiled.

"We don´t have internet," admitted the headmaster.

"What?" Mrs. Granger was scandalised. "What kind of school is this? You can´t ignore modern technology!"

"Well," the headmaster stepped behind his desk, trying to look impressive, "so far the wizarding way has gotten us to wherever we wanted."

"It can´t be a good way if all it takes is a bag of sweets to bring you to your wit´s end," Mrs. Granger snapped back.

"Please, stop quarrelling," cried Hermione who had listened quietly so far, glancing at Draco from time to time. "We have to help Dr... Harry!"

The blond noticed the slip of tongue and beamed at the girl. He patted the free seat beside himself invitingly and the Gryffindor know-it-all sat with a brilliant smile. Draco leaned closer to give her better access to his ears.

Beside the new couple, Harry and Snape made faces.

"Why don´t we go home and find the information we need?" suggested Mr. Granger absentmindedly. He watched his daughter tickle the Slytherin bunny, clearly irritated by the sight.

Flamel agreed and practically pushed the Grangers into the fireplace.

They were back after a quarter hour.

Hermione and Draco had moved on to rubbing their noses and giggling.

"It seems the potion affects the mind more severely than we thought," mused Flamel at the sight of Harry and Snape licking each other´s faces and Draco and Hermione rubbing their noses.

"But Miss Granger didn´t drink anything," Dumbledore pointed out.

"But she touched the blond," Flamel pointed out. "The potion may be more contagous than we thought. We´d better check whether she grew a tail yet. Miss, kindly bare your behind, please."

"Certainly not!" cried Mrs. Granger. "No old coot will look at my daughter´s backside and go unpunished!"

"Then I have to ask you, Madam, to do the checking. The growth of a tail was the first symptom for the others. We need to know whether your daughter has one."

Dumbledore conjured a folding screen to grant the Granger women some privacy. A shriek moments after they had disappeared behind it answered the question whether Hermione Granger had grown a tail.

"Which kind of tail is it? Describe it in detail! Everything could be important!" demanded Flamel.

"It´s fluffy!" cried Mrs. Granger. She sounded close to tears. "Unbelievably fluffy."

"Which kind of tail? A cat´s? A dog´s?"

"A bunny tail!"

"Which colour?"

"Brown, like her hair!"

"Would you describe it as rather big or small?"

"How am I supposed to know which size of tail is normal for a human bunny?"

"It would help if I could see it!"

"No way!"

"Hermione!" Draco joined the conversation. "I can´t wait to see your ears!"

"Merlin help me!" whined Snape.

"Don´t be so negative! Why can´t you be happy for me?" Draco glared at his head of house.

Snape rolled his eyes, but remained quiet.

Once it was established that Hermione Granger was on the way to become a bunny, Dumbledore and Flamel returned to the original problem.

"E165 is not registered," explained the older wizard. "It will be necessary to contact the manufacturer of these lemon drops to find out."

"I can do it," suggested Mr. Granger with a worried glance at his daughter, who had returned to the sofa and a certain blond bunny.

"Thank you for your very generous offer," said Dumbledore, "but I prefer a wizard do it." He turned his wand in his hand playfully. "We have means to get the information faster."

"Who do you suggest, Albus?" Snape asked, interrupting his sniffing Potter.

"We need somebody with style, determination and motivation," the headmaster pointed out.

"Father!" cried Draco without moving his eyes from Hermione´s bushy hair.

"Funny you mention him," smiled the headmaster. "I was thinking of him, too." The old man went to the fireplace and opened a connection to Malfoy Manor.

"What can Fluffy do for Sir?" a house elf´s voice was heard in the office.

"I need to speak to Master Malfoy. Tell him it´s important and concerns his heir."

"Fluffy will run!" cried the elf.

Two minutes later, Lucius Malfoy stepped out of the fireplace into the headmaster´s office. The man must have hurried for he wore a dark green silk bathrobe.

"What´s wrong with Draco?" he asked sternly.

Dumbledore motioned to the sofa.

"Draco!" bellowed Lucius. "Let go of the mudblood immediately! And take off these ridiculous ears!"

"What is a mudblood?" asked Mrs. Granger.

"A muggleborn witch or wizard," explained Dumbledore.

The woman took a deep breath before she stepped in front of the blond aristocrat. "Sir!" she hissed angrily. "I will not have you speak ill of my daughter. Her ancestors were honourable, though not magical people! You will treat her with respect!"

Lucius sneered. "And how are you going to make me, woman?" he looked down at the small dentist.

"Pray that you won´t find out!" hissed Mrs. Granger.

Lucius laughed a rich, deep laugh. "I wasn´t aware that muggles were so entertaining." He raised his snake-headed walking stick to draw his wand, but Mrs. Granger wasn´t going to wait until she found herself at the blond´s wand tip. She snatched the stick from the man´s hand and hit his shoulder with it. "You weren´t going to hex me, were you?" she spat. "Coward!"

"Emily! Don´t provoke the man!" cried Mr. Granger. "He´s a wizard!"

"He´s a man in a bathrobe with a walking stick." She brandished the stick at Lucius. "To be exact he´s a man in a bathrobe without a walking stick!"

"Give that back!" growled Lucius.

"No!" insisted Mrs. Granger, oblivious of the worried looks the present wizards were exchanging. "I will not be threatened!" She stabbed the walking stick at Lucius´s chest to emphasize her message.

Lucius had had enough. He lunged at the woman. Mrs. Granger fought back for all she was worth. For a few moments the wizard and the dentist both pulled at the walking stick. The fight caused Lucius´s silk belt to slide open and reveal a pink negligé under the bathrobe.

"Father!" yelped Draco.

Lucius sneered at the group at large. "What?" he drawled. "I was told it was an emergency and your mother´s nightwear was the closest garment. You didn´t expect me to rush here barechested, did you?"

The blond aristocrat readjusted his bathrobe, revealing a pink feather boa in the course. He quickly stuffed it back under the dark green silk.

"Well," he drawled in a tone of superiority once he had taken care of his garments, "what is the problem? And Merlin, Draco, remove those ridiculous ears!"

"That´s part of the problem," Dumbledore said patiently. "He can´t. They´re magically grown ears. Your son is turning into a bunny."

"What?" Lucius shrieked. "No son of mine will turn into something as common as a rodent!"

Said son squealed with delight when long brown bunny ears popped up from between Hermione Granger´s ears. "Adorable!" he cried. He pulled down one of the ears and rubbed it against his cheek. "And so soft!"

"Draco! Behave!" thundered Lucius, but the boy was so absorbed in the activity that he didn´t listen. "I demand to know who´s responsible for this disgrace!"

"That would be the headmaster, as far as I can tell," muttered Mrs. Granger.

"Why am I not surprised," sighed Lucius. "What did you do now? Rest assured that the board of governors will hear of your latest foolishness."

"Blaming innocent people," replied the headmaster, looking at the blond over the rims of his halfmoon spectacles, "will not help a bit. I asked you to come, because we need your help."

"What can I do to help sort out this mess?"

"Well, I asked Master Flamel – the most competent potions expert," Snape snorted on the other side of the room, "the wizarding world knows – to take care of the problem. He has trouble with a muggle ingredient of the potion that caused the change. E165. We need you to find out what it is."

Lucius had paled at the mention of the ingredient.

"I don´t know this man, but if I had to guess I´d say he knows what E165 is," Mr. Granger pointed out.

"He does look guilty," agreed Mrs. Granger.

"Lucius?" the headmaster asked threateningly.

The blond wizard´s eyes darted around the room and finally fixed on his bunny-son. "E165 is a light solution of belladonna." He hung his head.

"I told you these drops are dangerous!" cried Mr. Granger.

"There´s poison in muggle lemon drops?" asked Dumbledore, dumbfounded.

"Nonsense," purred Snape from his sofa, "a light solution of belladonna is harmless, but addictive. If Ihad to utter a guess, I´d say our dear Lucius is on the list of shareholders to this enterprise."

"Lucius, do you have your hands in muggle sweets business?" the headmaster glared.

"We own a sweet factory?" squealed Draco.

"I am a silent partner." The blond wizard sounded defiant. "There´s nothing wrong in earning money!"

"But adding addictive potions ingredients to innocent sweets may be considered immoral," Dumbledore patronized.

"The good thing is that belladonna is easy to counteract." Flamel beamed and rushed back to the fireplace. He jumped into the flames barely a second after he had thrown the floo powder.

The old wizard returned half an hour later; a half hour which was spent pacing on Lucius´s side, snuggling by the animal-wizards and telling Dumbledore off for the extensive consumption of sugar by the Grangers.

"Got it!" cried Flamel when he returned to the office. "Who wants to go first?"

Snape glared at the other potions master. Lucius muttered about never giving consent to his son taking an experimental potion and the Grangers followed the blond´s lead.

"Oh, give it here!" cried Harry and took a big sip of the new brew. "It tastes better than anything you brew," he pointed out to Snape.

Every body waited with baited breath, though they didn´t have to wait for long. The effect of the potion was nearly immediate. The tail disappeared and the whiskers retreated into the Gryffindor´s cheeks.

"It works," stated Lucius. "Draco next!"

Flamel administered the draught to all three victims. Within five minutes everybody was back to normal. Hermione and the three wizards blushed when they remembered all the snuggling and licking they had done, but appart from that, everything seemed alright.


	13. Chapter 13

"As I´m here," Lucius pulled his bathrobe closer around his frame, "I´d like to be informed on the progress you´re making with the glue problem."

Flamel, who had been reveling in pride for having solved the animal problem, squared his shoulders. "I tried a counteragent yesterday. Unfortunately it turned out that Mr. Potter and Mr. Snape were allergic to an ingredient. And then Albus," he shot the headmaster an angry look, "decided to spike an allergy potion with a lemon drop, which caused the furry problem you witnessed."

The blond wizard sneered. "Why am I not surprised by the incompetence we witness at work here? Dumbledore, I never hid my objection to your appointment, but I guess this time you have done it. We´ll be rid of you quite soon. I´ll make sure to convene a meeting of the governors immediately."

"Do as you must, Lucius," the headmaster smiled benignly. "I´m sure the governors will be interested in why you deemed it fit to enter the school dressed in lingery. I´ll gladly provide my pensieve and memory to give them accurate information."

"Don´t forget to mention him threatening a helpless muggle," Mrs. Granger chimed in, smirking at Lucius who was rubbing the shoulder he had been hit on with his own walking stick.

"You wouldn´t dare!" cried the blond wizard. He glared daggers at Dumbledore, who held his gaze unblinkingly. The silk clad wizard yelped when he was hit by a spell from behind and his feather boa wound its way up from under his bathrobe. He turned on the spot and glared at Flamel. "You! Old coot!"

"I have been called worse, Sir," giggled Flamel. He sent another hex at the blond and the boa´s end lifted itself to tickle Lucius´s nose. The blond coughed and spit out tiny pink feathers.

"I´ll go! But you haven´t heard the last of me!" Lucius threw the boa back in a dramatic gesture. "Draco, I´d appreciate it if you refrained from getting into trouble at the crack of dawn!"

"Yes, Father," the blond boy fought to hide a smirk.

"Really, Malfoy," said Harry when Lucius had disappeared into the flames, "having seen your father, I´m no longer surprised you are such a drama queen."

"You won´t badmouth my father, Potter. I, at least, have one."

Harry stared at the blond angrily, but before the situation could escalate, Flamel intervened. "We really should concentrate on the glue problem."

"Did you try out nailpolish remover?" asked Mrs. Granger.

Flamel rolled his eyes. "It´s magical glue! It doesn´t respond to muggle nailpolish remover."

"Did you try it?" asked the muggle dentist.

"I don´t need to try it! I know my potions!"

"Did you try it?" insisted the woman.

"No!" shouted Flamel. "No! We didn´t try to solve a complicated potions problem with muggle nailpolish remover!"

"That´s quite stubborn of you," Mrs. Granger pointed out. "I happen to carry a small bottle with me." She held it out offeringly.

"For the last time, muggle! We don´t need your stuff!" spat the old alchemist.

Mrs. Granger sighed. "Hermione, I´ll give you the bottle. Just in case one of those guys will stop acting like a two year old." She handed the bottle to her daughter and then requested she and her husband be taken home.

"I´ll work on another antidote," promised Flamel. "I have an idea for an experiment with tomatoe leaves."

Snape and the boys thanked him and returned to their rooms, where they were greeted by the sight of Sirius Black working his way through stacks of essays.

The next few days passed fairly quietly, apart from several near fights between Snape and Sirius Black, but Harry and Draco had learned to intervene in time to avoid bloodshed.

Hermione visisted Harry frequently in the evenings under the pretence of helping him grade homework for Snape. Of course, nobody bought the excuse and more often than not she found a chair waiting for her beside Draco.

First, the blond felt awkward flirting with the girl while his head of house was attached to his neck, but Hermione was so witty and sweet that he soon threw caution to the wind and worked all his Malfoy charm on the Gryffindor. Who cared about blood status when he had finally found a girl clever enough to discuss advanced arithmancy with?

Usually, when the flirting got too heavy, Harry and Black would allow themselves to get absorbed into a discussion about interior decoration. It seemed that Black was planning to give his old family residence a new appearance, and Harry – much to his own surprise – could talk about carpet colours for hours.

This left Snape to his own devices. First the potions master didn´t know where to look and where to listen when Draco and the Granger girl exchanged shy kisses, but after some protests, the girl provided him with a book, which was charmed to turn the pages when they were touched with the nose.

It was in one of those sessions – the blond flirting with his new girlfriend, Snape reading, and Harry discussing the benefits of camel hair carpets – that Dumbledore and Flamel entered the three wizards´ quarters.

"I have another draught for you!" Flamel cried triumphantly, "and I´m quite confident it will solve the problem!"

"What is in it?" asked Snape. "We don´t need another allergy fiasco!"

Flamel frowned. "How many allergies does the average wizard have? There´s no sage in it."

"Whom do you call average?" Snape snarled and Harry drew up to his full height beside him. "You will give me a list of the ingredients! Now!"

The alchemist looked ready to kill, but handed over a sheet of parchment.

Snape sneered. "Frog spawn? Tomatoe leaves? Camomille? – Kids´ stuff! You don´t really expect this to solve our problem?"

"That´s the elegance behind it!" cried Flamel. "I´m not surprised a botcher like you can´t understand it!"

"Botcher?" roared Snape. He shot to his feet, dragging the boys with him. Hermione yelped when Draco bumped his chin on her nose. "So far you´ve done nothing – nothing! – to solve this situation. Your every effort did nothing but complicate matters. No sooner you were here did you make matters worse!"

"Oh, and you solved the problem in a jiffy!" Flamel spat back. "You´re merely allowing a house elf to help you relieve yourself because you enjoy its touch!"

"Take that back, you vile old man!" shouted Snape, spit flying from his mouth.

"Professor! Do calm down!" cried Draco, rubbing his chin. "Why don´t we try Master Flamel´s brew and get it over with?"

"Get it over with? You ungrateful little boy! For weeks have I been abandoning my own experiments in favour for researching ways to undo your mistake! That´s it! I´m done!" Flamel threw his arms in the air and stomped out of the room.

Dumbledore shot the three wizards an angry look before he hurried after his old friend, trying to convince him to stay.

"Well," asked Draco, "who will try it?"

"Why don´t you try what the old coot came up with?" Harry folded his arms in a gesture of refusal.

"Oh Draco!" piped Hermione. "That would be such an impressive thing to do!"

The blond smiled at the young witch and took a sip of the potion, never breaking eye contact.

"So impressive!" cried the girl. Her admiring coo turned into a shriek.

"What?" cried Draco, his face a mask of fear. "What?" But Hermione just continued screaming instead of telling the boy what was wrong. At last Sirius Black took pity and conjured a mirror for Draco.

The blond joined his new girlfriend´s outcries of horror and panic.

"Really, Malfoy, a bit more decorum!" sneered Snape. A smile played around the potions master´s lips.

"Decorum?" the blond´s voice went up another pitch. "I look... I look... I look like her!" He pointed at Hermione accusingly. And really, where the blond hair had been a silky veil minutes ago it was now a nearly white bush of small wiry curls.

"And that is a bad thing?" glared Hermione, abandoning her shrieking immediately.

"Yes!" Draco cried, his voice still full of panic. "It took me years to get my hair silky and shiny and now it´s ruined. Look at me!"

"So my hairstyle is awful?"

"It´s okay for you, since you never wore them differently, but I´m Draco Malfoy! People expect me to look good!"

The blond cried out in pain when Hermione´s hand collided with his cheek painfully. "I can´t believe I kissed a vain little peacock like you! You slimy creature!" The girl left the spot by Draco´s side in a hurry, wiping her face with her sleeve.

"But Hermione! There´s nothing wrong with one of us being beautiful," Draco pointed out helplessly.

"You better shut it Draco, or she´ll hex you," Harry suggested calmly.

The blond obeyed without delay. Harry, after all, knew Hermione better than the blond.

"I think Miss Granger is no longer needed here," said the headmaster who had returned with Flamel in tow.

"Exactly," huffed the girl. "I´ll go find Ronald." She stomped out of the office.

"Do you feel any changes where you´re connected?" Flamel asked Snape and Draco. "Some curls would be a small price for freedom, wouldn´t they?"

"There is no change," snapped Snape. For emphasize he shook Draco a bit. The blond´s new curls wobbled to and fro.

"Pity," mused the alchemist.

"You ruined my hair for nothing!" snarled the blond. "Father will hear of it! Mark my words!"

"Not Lucius again," sighed Snape. The headmaster and Flamel´s faces clearly told that they agreed. "Somebody get the pink shampoo bottle from my private bathroom for him."

It was strange to return to the bathroom in the middle of the day and watch Draco wash his hair. The blond made a fuss over the procedure one would think his change of hair style had been something life threatening.

"Are you sure this will remove the curls, Sir?" the boy asked, his voice sounding worried as he squeezed the bottle to pour some of the pink goo in his palm.

"Do you see me wear any curls?" Snape snarled impatiently.

"I never suspected your hair to be curly," Draco pointed out shyly and Harry agreed.

"That´s the point of using this potion. So that people don´t realise your hair is naturally curly."

Draco massaged the potion into his hair eagerly.

"Sir," said Potter watching Draco work on his locks, "as you are good with hair taming potions, do you know one that would take care of my unruly mop? I´ve tried everything, but no spell or time of combing could tame it."

Snape snorted. "You do realise that there is a difference between curls and that," he looked at Potter with disgust, "dead animal you´re wearing on your head."

The boy glared at the potions master angrily. "There´s no reason to insult me. I was politely asking for help."

Snape smiled maliciously. "I´m sorry, Mr. Potter. In that case I should help. The only spell I can think of to solve your hair problem is ´Calvus Totalis!´"

"Is there a special wand movement? Is it safe to cast it on oneself?"

"No and yes, Potter." The potions master´s eyes twinkled with glee, but the Gryffindor was not aware of it. Eagerly, he pointed his wand at his hair and cast the spell. As soon as the tickling sensation of the spell was over, the wizarding hero turned to look into the mirror.

"Snape!" he roared when his reflexion stared back at him, bald. He tried to hit the potions master, but the latter held the smaller wizard at arm´s length easily. When he was unable to reach the man, Potter pointed his wand at the wizard and cast the spell again.

Snape ducked and the spell ricocheted off the tiles and hit Draco, who had been massaging his scalp. When the young Slytherin felt his hair fall from between his fingers, he screamed. By the time Dumbledore, Flamel and Sirius Black, who had all been waiting for the three wizards in the living room (Black had convinced Dumbledore and Flamel to help him with the essays he had been correcting when the others arrived), arrived at the bathroom, Harry had cast the spell for a third time, this time hitting Snape square in the chest.

"I knew this would happen!" cursed Flamel, using some words not fit to be repeated on this site. "Those three are so full of various potions, nobody can tell how they will interact. We are lucky only their HAIR fell off."

Harry and Draco covered what they thought Flamel was talking about with their hands and Snape looked as if he had liked to do that, too, but of course he wasn´t able to with his hands stuck to the boys´ necks.

"I strongly recommend to not use any more potions on those three for at least a month," stated Flamel. "This," he pointed at the bald wizards, "clearly shows it´s not safe. And I mean no potions at all. Somebody get them muggle shower gel, muggle tooth paste, muggle anything."

"I´ll go and ask the Grangers," said Dumbledore.

"But this was caused by a spell! A simple hair growing tonic would solve the problem!" protested Snape.

"You heard Master Flamel," the headmaster said sternly. "No potions for a month. And to be safe, you will not teach for the duration of your potions abstinence either."

"Not teach? But the exams! My students need their lessons."

"I'm confident I will be able to convince Horace to help us out for a little longer," Dumbledore promised. "You´ll excuse me. I have several firecalls to make."

"And I will go back to my experiments. With a little luck I´ll have the remedy for your problem by the time it´s safe for you to take potions again." Flamel patted Snape on the head before he left.

As soon as the two old wizards had left, Black burst out laughing. "You look fabulous!" he roared.

"Do we?" Harry replied maliciously. He pointed his wand at his godfather.

"Ten points to Gryffindor," smirked Snape.

It was probably the first time in history – Hogwarts or otherwise – that two Slytherins protected a Gryffindor against a fellow lion, but protect Harry Potter they did. Draco pointed his wand straight at his cousin´s nose when the older wizard attacked. Snape, unable to use his hands, did the usual and tried to kick at his schoolday nemesis.

"You shouldn´t have laughed at us, cousin," sneered Draco.

The only answer he got was an outraged cry and a new attack.

"Stop the ridiculous behaviour, Black! It doesn´t become you," Snape smirked.

"Become me?" shrieked Black. "Harry, you may be my godson, and heaven knows I love you like my own child, but I will kill you for costing me my hair! – Remove that wand from my face, boy, before you take an eye out by mistake!" The man growled at Draco, but the blond was not distracted.

"Step back!" the former blond ordered, "or I´ll take points from Gryffindor!"


	14. Chapter 14

The four wizards´ fight was interrupted by a sound from the living room. Sirius turned on his heel and three wands were pointed at the bathroom door.

"Oho, why so hostile, my boys!" Dumbledore took a step back. "I returned to offer you a selection of my wizard´s hats to cover your baldness." The old man raised a cardboard box in explanation.

"A hat?" growled Black. "Sounds like a good idea."

"I will not wear a hat you have chosen," stated Snape. "I´m sure you don´t own a single black one."

"Alas, no, I don´t!" the headmaster admitted cheerfully, "but I brought several staid models. I´m sure I have something you like. Why don´t we sit down, have some tea and try on hats?" He ushered the four bald wizards to the sofas and conjured tea and biscuits.

After he had taken several sips of tea himself and everybody was comfortable – it took a little time to feed and water Snape despite the practice the boys had by now – the old man opened the box on his knees. The hats were shrunken, but spelled to return to their original size when he lifted them out of the box.

"Our first model is made of red velvet," Dumbledore explained. He held the hat up for everybody to see. "It´s soft and warm and would look exquisite with green eyes. The tip can be worn straight up or folded to either side, left or right. There´s also a ribbon to hold a feather if you wish to wear one." He slid his finger under the ribbon and wriggled it to demonstrate where the feather would go. "Kindly pass it around."

"I like the material, Albus," said Black. "but the colour is not my cup of tea. Does it come in blue?"

"Not in velvet, but I have a blue one." Dumbledore pulled it out of the box. "Silk with a rain repelling spell. I bought it in China in the early sixties."

"May I try it on?" asked Draco.

"Of course, my dear boy!" Dumbledore beamed. He put the red hat, which hadn´t found a fan, back into the box. "Now look at this one! Brown llama wool. Very warm. I thought this would be nice for you, Severus. It´s quite elegant." He handed the hat to Harry, who put it on Snape´s bald head.

"Leave it on for a while, Severus. You have to feel the warmth!" The old wizard rummaged in his box. "Ah, here´s what I was looking for!" He lifted a green hat with silver stars. "Maybe you want to wear Slytherin colours, Severus. Though I´m not sure how you´ll like the bunnies."

"Bunnies?" Snape asked sourly.

"Yes!" Dumbledore cried excitedly. "It´s a muggle wizard hat. It came with two free bunnies. Well," the man winked at his potions instructor, "you know there´s only so much to do for bunnies in a hat. They have multiplied since I bought it."

"Multiplied?" echoed Draco.

"Yes! Last time I looked there were ten."

"When did you look last time?" Snape asked curiously.

"Hm, that must have been in – hm! – 1978."

Draco, who took Arithmancy, the wizarding version of maths, and Snape exchanged worried glances. "There must be millions by now!" Snape cried.

"Really?" Dumbledore set the hat on the coffee table and touched it with his wand. Immediately, a white bunny slid out from under the hat and hopped away. It was followed by another and another. The headmaster squealed with delight, but Snape became agitated.

"Do something!" the potions master cried. "Close the hat! Don´t let them all out or they´ll squash us!"

"But they are only bunnies!" Dumbledore watched with fascination as bunny number 115 made its appearance.

"Really, Albus, don´t you know even the basics of the subjects taught at your own school?" cried Snape. "There are probably enough bunnies in that hat to fill Hogwarts, dungeons to battlement!"

"Are you sure, Severus?" mused the headmaster. "There were only two."

"Even the muggles know about Fibonacci´s work," Draco pointed out, proud to know something the supposedly most powerful wizard of the age knew not.

"Fibo-who?" echoed the headmaster and Black and Potter looked as if they wanted to agree.

"Fibonacci. A famous Italian arithmantist." Snape looked sour. By then the bunnies had started to climb the furniture because the floor was full. "Can´t you at least close that hat while we discuss the matter?"

"But they look glad to see something new!" insisted the old wizard. "You must admit that Hogwarts is quite a sight, even if your family hasn´t spent the last few decades in a hat. They must be all out soon anyway. There can´t be much more."

"There are 632 out. If we assume that there are one million – which is only a small part of the truth – it will take the rest approximately 11 and a half days to get out." Draco drawled.

"Wow, Draco! Did you calculate that just now?" Harry asked with awe. "Without an abacus or something?"

"Do you see an abacus?" Draco sighed, seemingly annoyed, but his smug smile gave away how pleased he was to have impressed Harry.

"That´s nearly two weeks!" cried Dumbledore. "You must have a mistake, dear boy!"

"The mistake was that he assumed one million of bunnies. I guess there are lots more," Snape pointed out. "But even with the small number Mr. Malfoy took for his quick estimation you should be able to see that it is absolutely necessary to close the hat."

"Indeed, indeed," muttered Dumbledore. The old man pointed his wand at the hat absentmindedly. "Do you think we can smuggle the hat into Voldemort´s headquarters?"

"Not in my current state," the potions master replied dryly. He looked at his hands pointedly.

"What a pity. But back to the problem at hand. Would you like to try the hat on?" The headmaster asked the potions master.

"I think not," growled Snape. "Even thinking about those rabbits on my head would give me a headache. Maybe Black wants it?"

"I´ll leave the bunnies to you, Snape," hissed Black. "I said I want velvet, Albus. But not in red!"

"Velvet you shall have, dear boy!" The headmaster stuck his arm up to the elbow into the box. When he removed it, he held out an assortment of velvet hats triumphantly. Sirius Black made a face as all of them were in gaudy colours like pink, yellow, orange or a very vivid turquoise. "You are hard to satisfy," complained the old wizard, but he once again dug into the box.

The next hat he held out offeringly was made of dark violet velvet.

"I love it Albus!" cried Black and snatched the hat from the headmaster. It was difficult to tell whether he really liked the hat or only thought that it was the best to get from the man´s hat box.

"Splendid!" cried Dumbledore as he watched Black put on the hat. "So who´s next?"

"I am!" Draco seemed to think there were not so many acceptable hats in the box. "I want a cool hat!"

"A cool hat? Why didn´t you tell from the start?" the headmaster beamed. "I got this from a wizard in South Africa. It works like a fridge. He originally used it to keep his beer cool, but then he realised that keeping a cool head was an advantage and made a habit of wearing it all the time." The hat in question looked like a top hat with a zebra pattern.

"Urgh!" gurgled Draco. "Is that real fur?"

"Indeed my boy, indeed! He sewed it himself from the hide of his longtime pet. I was offered vast amounts of money for it. How often do you come across a tame zebra, I ask you. But I´ll gladly lend it to you as your need is bigger than mine."

The next one to get a hat was Harry.

Harry had never had a hat so far and now he was to choose from a great variety. Within ten minutes the boy had a small selection of hats on the table and tried to reach a decision which to wear until his hair grew back. One was lime green satin. Harry liked the material, but the colour reminded him of Minister Fudge and he wasn´t sure whether he liked that. The second was dragon hide, which was very cool, but the hide had once belonged to an Austrian Peabrain and was a gaudy pink.

"Oh, come on, Potter! We don´t have all day! Choose one!" drawled Snape. "I´m sure that flannel night cap looks dashing on you."

"Don´t let the git rush you, Harry," Black soothed. "And I don´t think you should wear anything with kittens on it."

"I think I like the one with the snitches," mused Harry. "but if I wear a golden hat, people will think it´s a crown."

"How fitting!" Snape made a face.

At last Harry chose a red baseball cap with a golden lion on it.

"Cool!" Black praised the boy´s choice.

"Cool!" agreed the headmaster. "Well, Severus, that leaves us with you. Have you seen anything you liked so far?"

The potions master snorted. "Certainly not. I want my hair back, not some silly hat."

"I really don´t want you to suffer, my dear boy. If you insist, I will personally walk down to Hogsmeade and get a very serious, black hat for you."

"I´d appreciate that," grunted Snape.

The headmaster packed the spare hats back into his box – "are you sure you don´t want the bunny hat?" – and promised to be back soon.

Sirius Black looked at Snape with something akin to admiration. "Wow, wow, wow! I´ve never taken you for adventurous! There must be a Gryffindor hidden under those robes," he mused.

"Malfoy," snarled the potions master. "I insist you take points for this insult!"

"No!" cried Black. "I meant it! I´d never dare send Albus clothes-shopping for me. You are aware that he will insist you wear whatever he comes up with, aren´t you?"

Snape paled. "What can you get wrong buying a black hat?" he asked in a slightly shaky voice.

"We are talking about Albus!" Black reminded him.

"Why don´t we have dinner while we wait?" asked Draco, trying to change topic before his head of house would lose his nerve.

Sissy the house elf brought roast chicken and salad. Draco held out a drumstick for Snape and Harry fed the wizard forkfuls of tomatoes and cucumbers. The meal was spent mostly in silence as the trio had to concentrate hard to get everybody fed without making a mess of Snape´s robes.

Harry had just fed his potions teacher the last spoon of strawberry icecream when Dumbledore returned with another box, this one cylindric.

"You will be thrilled, Severus!" the headmaster announced cheerfully. "I was tempted to buy it for myself, but then I decided that your need was bigger than mine." He set the box onto the table and opened it. "Here!"

Snape´s blood left his face so fast, he felt a bit dizzy for a brief moment.

Harry, Draco and Sirius tried to stay calm, but gave up quickly. They roared with laughter.

The headmaster held out a black hat with a monstrous brim, it nearly looked like a sombrero. On the brim was a life-size raven, which stalked around the hat and glared at the assembled wizards.

"Isn´t it gorgeous?" Dumbledore beamed.

"No, it isn´t!" huffed the potions master. "It´s utterly ridiculous. I refuse to wear it!"

"Severus, my boy! I have nothing against doing you a favour from time to time, but I have a right to expect you to be a bit grateful," the old wizard looked hurt. "I personally walked to the village. I paid for the changes! I deserve a bit of appreciation!"

"Changes?" cried Snape. "What did it look like before?"

"Well, it had only a blackbird, but I thought a raven was so much more noble! Especially if it moved!"

"You replaced a stuffed blackbird with a life raven?" spluttered Snape.

"Priceless!" giggled Black, wiping tears of laughter off his cheeks.

"Come on! Try it on, professor!" demanded Potter. If glares could have killed, the boy would have died a painful death there and then.

Dumbledore – encouraged by Potter´s demand – put the hat on Snape´s head. "Splendid!" he cried.

"Take it off!" shrieked Snape. "Take it off!" As he couldn´t use his hands, all the potions master could do was shake his head in panic, but the hat wouldn´t come off. "What did you do?" he asked, panicky.

"I personally cast a sticking charm on it as you are unable to get it if you lose it," beamed Dumbledore. "You look fantastic, Severus!"

"Fantastic!" echoed Black.

The two students knew their potions instructor too well to openly agree, but they both smiled like maniacs.

"Smile while you can," growled Snape, "for you will be stuck in these rooms for the foreseeable future, for I refuse to face the public with this hat!"

"No, no, Severus!" scolded the headmaster. "We won´t let you become a hermit for no reason at all. I insist you all make a daily appearance at the school even if you can´t teach."

-x-

"I´m tired!" whined Harry Potter as he walked down the corridor at two in the morning. "I want to go to bed!"

"Don´t be a baby, Potter," spat Snape. "The headmaster said we´re to make a daily appearance. And why wait if we can do it now?"

"Two in the morning is rather nightly," Harry pointed out, emphasizing his point with a wide yawn.

"Be that as it may, if I´m forced to leave the privacy of our quarters, I´m not going to be seen," snarled Snape.

"But that is the point of leaving the privacy of one´s quarters," Draco insisted half-heartedly.

"That´s where you´re wrong." Snape pushed the boys along. "The point of leaving the privacy of our quarters is to satisfy Albus´s thirst for socialising."

"But we are not socialising!" the boys protested.

"Not?" Snape chuckled dryly. "We´re taking a walk together! If that´s not socialising then I don´t know what is."

"Professor, we´ve been stuck to your hands for days! What we´re doing isn´t socialising but being trapped together." Draco said cautiously as if afraid to be hit. Snape actually would have liked to hit the blond, but it was out of question.

The three wizards´ bickering was interrupted by the appearance of a silvery being through the portrait of a curly blonde witch with a pink pointed witch´s hat. The ghost stopped short at the sight of the humans.

"Isn´t it a bit late for you boys to be out here? You´re breaking curfew!" the ghost said, reproachful.

"They are not," said the potions master. "They have a teacher with them."

"Favouritism at Hogwarts?" the ghost was scandalized. "There is no valid – or speaking of it decent – reason for a teacher to wander the castle in the company of two students at two in the morning."

"There is," snarled Snape, getting angry. "We happen to be stuck." He looked at his hands pointedly. "And the headmaster ordered us to take a walk in the castle."

The ghost floated once around the three wizards. "Ah yes," he mused, "that sounds like him. He´s so eccentric! I knew from the very start that it was a mistake to put Gryffindors in charge of the school. They should never have been allowed into the headmaster´s office."

The two Slytherins grinned, but Harry Potter was – for obvious reasons – not impressed. "I think Gryffindors make extraordinary headmasters!" the boy cried.

"Extraordinary indeed," huffed the ghost. "Wacky!"

"Don´t insult the principal!" insisted Harry. "What do you know about Slytherin and Gryffindors anyway!"

"As a matter of fact I knew Salazar Slytherin personally!" the ghost replied indignantly. "He always wanted me to follow him as head of his house, but the circumstances were against me. – Speaking of Salazar Slytherin, he´d die of shame if he saw the current head of house." The bloody baron glared at Snape again. "In all the centuries I have guarded the house, I never saw a Slytherin wear such a ridiculous hat. If they ever did, they had the decency to stay in the privacy of their quarters."

Snape made a gurgling noise. "I tried my best to remain unseen!" The man sounded tortured. "I beg you, baron, don´t tell what you saw tonight!"

"You don´t need to beg," replied the ghost. "I´d never shame Slytherin house by making this display even more public." That said, the ghost glided back into the wall. The blonde with shuddered when he slid through her and then left her frame at top speed.

-x-

The four wizards had just sat down to enjoy the breakfast Sissy had served – ham and eggs, grilled tomatoes and sausages, baked beans and toast – when there was a knock at the door. As Snape and his two appendixes were rather slow moving, Sirius went to answer the door.

"Good morning!" Hermione Granger said cheerfully. "We´ve come to visit Harry."

The animagus stepped aside to allow the girl and Harry´s second faithful sidekick, Ron Weasley, into the chambers. Hermione made a beeline for her housemate, dragging Ron behind her. She conjured a sofa for two with a casual wave of her wand and sat, never letting go of the boy´s hand.

"Harry!" she looked at Draco pointedly. "How are you?"

"Fine?" Harry asked, bewildered.

"Miss Granger," snapped Snape. "Please, stop insulting your own intelligence. Why are you here? To make Draco jealous?"

The girl glared at Snape angrily, while Ron tried to shrink back into the upholstery. "As a matter of fact," she sneered in a good imitation of the potions master´s usual snarky self, "I´ve come to see your hat. If Draco happens to become jealous, the better, but that was not the purpose of my visit. Fama was right, this is the most ridiculous hat I´ve ever seen. Come, Ronald." The boy winced. "We need to see Professor Dumbledore. I´m very concerned about Professor Snape. I haven´t seen him at the Great Hall for days. I´m really worried he might be seriously ill."

"Don´t you dare!" cried Snape. He wouldn´t put it beyond Albus to make him go to the Great Hall if Granger said the students were worried about him. For obvious reasons, the potions master´d rather die than show himself in public with the raven hat. "And who is Fama?"

"You don´t know Fama?" Hermione asked innocently. Sirius was rolling on the floor, laughing. "Fama the gossipy? Blonde witch? Sometimes she´s in that frame on the fourth floor, but most of the time she´s in other portraits to exchange news."

"It must be the girl the baron glid through," Draco pointed out. Snape rolled his eyes, but the effect was spoiled by his hat.

"She mentioned that," confirmed Hermione. "Come Ronald," she then insisted. "The headmaster needs to be informed of my worry. See you, Harry!"

"Well, we´d better get dressed properly," suggested Harry. "I´m sure Dumbledore will chase us to the Great Hall within the hour."

"I´ll not go there and be the whole school´s laughing stock!" snarled Snape.

"As if you – or anybody else for that matter – could withstand Albus," giggled Sirius.

"I will not go wearing this hat! And as a matter of fact, you look little less ridiculous. Help me think of something more dignified."

"We could conjure wigs," suggested Harry. "If we do it right, it will look like our own hair."

"Can you conjure such a wig?" the potions master asked with an air of impatience.

"No, but certainly you..."

"Potter, I haven´t been able to use a wand for days! It can´t have escaped your notice!"

Harry sighed. "It was just an idea."

"I guess cousin Sirius could conjure wigs for us all," Draco made himself heard.

"Yes, I can!" Sirius agreed.

"There´s only one problem," drawled Snape. "I´m not going to wear anything he made."

"This is not the time for animosity," Draco pointed out. "It´s either that or the hat."

Snape sighed. "Go on then, Black. Do your worst."

Sirius beamed and flourished his wand.

"How do I look?" Snape asked excitedly. He could feel hair tickle his neck. When Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy both paled when they looked at him, he suspected that something had gone wrong. "Black!" he snarled. "I´ll kill you if my hair is pink or something. Malfoy, remove the hat and bring me a mirror!"

"I´d love to bring you one," the blond´s voice was trembling slightly. "But you know that I can´t!" He reached for his head of house´s hat and removed it. The raven tripped when the brim shook. "I´m not sure I can overcome the headmaster´s sticking charm," Draco pointed out.

"Nonsense," hiccuped Snape, worried about what Black had done to his hair. "I´m sure Albus designed it to let the hat come off once I have my hair back."

The potions master was right. The hat went off without a problem. The boys and Black gasped.

"Wow, Snape!" Black said in a hushed voice. "You should consider wearing it always like that. It does your look a world of good!"

"A mirror!" pressed Snape.

Black knew that the potions master wouldn´t give in before he had a mirror, so he conjured one for him.

Snape made a sound like suffocating before he howled like an animal in pain. "Black!" he roared when he had recovered from the first shock. "I look like a girl!"

And really! Severus Snape, git extraordinaire, bane of the existance of every British witch and wizard of breeding under 35, deatheater and spy, had waistlength hair, which fell down in thick blonde curls. Contradicting Black´s earlier assessment, the blond mass of hair clashed violently with Snape´s pale skin, huge nose and dark eyes.

"What did you expect?" Sirius defended himself. "That I spent my youth practicing wig charms?" He chuckled darkly. "Hi, Moony and Prongs. It´s a wonderful evening. How about we sit by the fire and magic some wigs? – I think not."

"But you said," started Snape.

"I said nothing!" Black interrupted. "You assumed!"

"Well," Snape sneered, suddenly calm and cold. "In this case I assume you know what is good for you and will give yourself and the boys a new hairstyle, too."

"No!" screetched Harry. "I´m happy with my hat! I don´t want hair."

"Oh yes, Potter, you want hair," Snape growled threateningly.

"No!" the boy insisted.

Sirius Black ended the discussion before it could become more violent by pointing his wand at Harry. A flash of bluish light later, the saviour of the wizarding world had red hair, rivalling the Weasleys´.

Draco was next and ended up blond hair like Snape only that his had no curls. But it was the same length and made the Malfoy heir look like his own mother. The boy took it rather calmly though. Only when Sirius pointed the wand at himself he smiled and muttered "Allow me!" in a dulcet tone.

"Have you ever cast a wig charm before?" Black asked worriedly.

"No," the boy admitted. "But I have to learn at some point and there´s no time like now, I say."

"I agree," Snape made himself heard and even Harry Potter agreed.

That was why Sirius Black made an appearance at the Great Hall with something that was best described as green quills a little later. Just like the wizards had expected, the headmaster had turned up and demanded they went downstair to "reassure the student body" barely twenty minutes after Hermione Granger had left their rooms.

Sirius Black strutted in front of the trio as if he owned all of Hogwarts. The two Slytherins held their heads high, although a twitching muscle in the potions master´s left cheek gave away that his calm was only show. Harry Potter, however, blushed so hard that the colour of his face rivalled that of his new mop of hair.

The student body was dumbfounded by the unusual sight. Most found it still difficult to ignore the fact that their potions master was stuck to the necks of Hogwarts´ most bitter rivals, Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter, and now those three wizards along with their chaperone had turned up with new hairstyles.

"What do you gape at?" Snape hissed at a Hufflepuff girl as they passed her seat and the child dissolved in tears.

"Shut up, Snape!" Harry hissed back. "It´s bad enough the way it is without you scaring the students."

"Ten points from Gryffindor for addressing a teacher by his name," the potions master hissed back.

"Forget the points, we have more pressing problems." Potter tried to save the situation.

"Certainly not. Another ten points for not using my proper title."

"You´re behaving a brat, Sir," Harry glared at the other wizard angrily.

By that time they had reached the head table, where the headmaster was enjoying breakfast as if he had never left his seat to pester them out of their quarters. The man must have taken a shortcut back.

"Sirius! Severus! Harry! Draco! What a pleasure you could make it!" the headmaster cried for all the students to hear.

"We wouldn´t miss breakfast with you for all the tea in China!" Sirius Black answered, equally loud.

Snape snorted.

"Speaking of tea, I´d like a cup," Sirius sat beside the headmaster and the trio sat beside him.

"Wow, Harry, you look great!" Colin Creevey cried from the Gryffindor table and flashed his camera.

"Creevey!" roared Snape. "Hand over the camera! Now!"

"Sir?" the boy stepped up to the head table.

"I will not be taken photos of without my consent!" snarled the potions master. "Malfoy, take the camera."

"But Sir…" the blond Gryffindor made an attempt to get his camera back, but Snape had pulled Harry and Draco up and steered them out of the hall through the side entrance.

"Severus!" Dumbledore was after them immediately. "Explain this behaviour!"

"Do you have any idea what will happen if the Dark Lord gets hold of a photograph of myself stuck to Potter and Malfoy. And if he doesn´t find that interesting, he will certainly want to have a look at my curls himself. And what will I do if I´m summoned while stuck at Potter?"

"I see, I see," muttered Dumbledore and cast a memory spell at Draco. The blond couldn´t be allowed to know about Snape´s true loyalties. "Let´s take this to my office."


	15. Chapter 15

When they entered the office, the headmaster cast a spell. "He´ll only hear birds twittering," he explained with a sideglance at Draco.

"Oh! Can you hear the blackbirds?" the blond cried as if to confirm the headmaster´s words.

"Perfect," muttered the old wizard. "So, Severus, kindly elaborate."

"We were lucky so far," said the potions master. "You realise that it´s been quite a while since I´ve last been summoned, Albus, don´t you?" The old man nodded. "You know how much he enjoys humiliating people. If he learned about what Black did with my hair, he´d certainly want to rub it in personally and there´s no way for me to answer a summons at the time being with the boys attached to me."

"What would he do if you didn´t answer?" Dumbledore asked.

Snape looked at Harry pointedly.

"You don´t need to cover things for me. I´m not a little child," snapped the boy.

"You think you can stand the whole truth about the Dark Lord, Potter?" sneered Snape. "You think that you can stand hearing what he does to his followers?"

"Yes, I think I can stand hearing that," growled the saviour to be.

"Well," started the Slytherin, but he was interrupted by a sharp "Severus!" from the headmaster. The potions master chose to ignore his superior. "You may think he uses Crutiatus, but that´s too simple for him. He covers his malice with a nice smile, disguises torture as a favour and expects you to thank him. He enjoys humiliating his victims. He made Bellatrix Lestrange give Lucius a massage. She suffered, because she knew her sister would hate her when she heard. Lucius suffered, because Bellatrix scratched his shoulders. Rodolphus suffered, because he had to watch. We all suffered! And that´s not even his worst deed! He gave Crabbe a puppy and then asked him to torture it for his Lord´s amusement! He granted Nott a honey-bath and sent goats to lick it off! He organised a new haircut for Rabastan Lestrange, but the hairdresser was blind! He gifted Wormtail with a muggle to torture, but she looked like his mother!"

Harry had fallen silent after the first few words and by the end of Snape´s rant, the boy was shivering and close to tears.

"Those blackbirds are amazing!" cried Draco.

"Really, Severus! Was it necessary to scare the boy?" The headmaster glared at the other wizard angrily. "Harry, don´t take Severus seriously. He´s exaggerating Voldemort´s malice to make his spying sound more important. Killing the bloody guy will be a piece of cake in the end."

"Did I mention the poisoned birthday cake for Alecto? She was ill for weeks, couldn´t keep anything down!" Snape cried.

This was too much for Harry. He howled in misery and dispair. And like always when things go wrong, they went utterly wrong.

At exactly that moment, Snape´s dark mark started to itch.

It may be considered an indicator for the seriousness of the situation that Severus Snape did something entirely uncharacteristic at the moment he felt his Dark Lord call him: he panicked.

"Oh my God! Oh Merlin!" the potions master cried, throwing his head from side to side as if to look over his shoulders for an enemy creeping up on him from behind. "Oh Albus! We´re doomed!" He shook the boys he was stuck to frantically and his blond curls dangled wildly. "Do something, Albus! Merlin help us! Do something! Anything! Call the Aurors! Call the minister! Call McGonagall! And somebody get Black here!" By that time Snape´s breath was coming in quick, flat hisses. "Flamel! Flamel will help us!"

Another inidicator of the seriousness of the case may be the fact that Albus Dumbledore, Order of Merlin, First Class, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, allowed himself to be carried away in the younger wizard´s fear.

The old wizard paced the office at astounding speed, sending his robes and beard flying behind him, and threw his hands above his head every few steps. "Oh no! What shall we do! What if Severus faints on me?" he repeated over and over again.

"They won´t hear the blackbirds properly if they keep making such a racket," Draco pointed out.

"Professor Dumbledore!" cried Harry. Normally he would have tried to grab the old wizard to keep him from pacing, but as it was, he was unable to follow the headmaster. On the contrary, even crying was hard, as Snape kept shaking the boys again and again.

"We are doomed!" Snape reached a new level of panic. "We will die a slow and painful death. Potter will die and the Wizarding World will be lost! Oh what a day! I wish I had died years ago. Then at least I wouldn´t cause the saviour´s death!"

"Stop it, Professor!" cried Harry. He was beginning to feel dizzy from all the shaking.

"Generations to come will use my name as a swear word!" cried Snape. "I am the one who kills hope!"

"I should have killed you when you came to my doorstep!" cried Dumbledore. He cast a spell at Snape and the potions master started gulping for air like a stranded fish.

"SIR!" screamed Harry. "Stop it!"

He wasn´t sure whether the old wizard had heard him or whether the portraits of past headmasters who had also started screaming and pleading with Dumbledore had made the difference.

The old man seemed to return to calm for a moment, long enough to cast "Finite incantatem!" before he resumed his pacing and lament.

"Why are they so panicky?" asked Draco. The headmaster´s blackbird spell had been ended too.

"Voldemort´s calling Snape," Harry managed to say between Snape´s assaults on his neck. "You must help me calm them down!"

"How can we do that?" Draco was – like all wizarding youngsters in such a situation – lost as First Aid was not part of the Hogwarts syllabus.

"Make them breathe into a plastic bag," suggested Harry. "It works with hyperventilating people and that´s similar to panic, isn´t it?"

"I wouldn´t know," cried Draco. He was holding onto the headmaster´s desk to stop Snape from shaking him. "How do you?"

"My Aunt Petunia hyperventilated when she heard I had turned my teacher´s hair blue. Uncle Vernon used a plastic bag."

"There is no plastic at Hogwarts!" cried Draco.

"What else can we use?" Harry cried back. (The boys crying at each other at such a short distance may seem exaggerated, but don´t forget that Snape and Dumbledore were doing their share of shouting in the small office!)

"Does the headmaster keep anything like a bag in this office?" Draco screamed at the portraits at large. It was a bad idea, because a racket of suggestions was shouted back with the result that the boys couldn´t understand what any of the portraits said.

Harry ordered silence (he moved his arms like a windmill and the portraits got his point) and then shouted: "You, Nigellius! Your suggestion!"

The rudely addressed former headmaster took the time to look at his colleagues smugly. "There´s a sack with phoenix food on the sill," he then said with dignity.

Draco didn´t need an invitation. He drew his wand and summoned the small bag of corn and held it in front of Snape´s face to breathe into.

That was a bad idea in two respects.

Firstly, Snape breathed in a good noseful of phoenix food and started to sneeze like mad, which was bad seeing that he couldn´t use his hands to cover his nose. The potions master kept his face in the seed bag and sent the content flying with his sneezing. It was a vicious circle. The more Snape sneezed, the more he felt he needed to hide in the bag, the more he sneezed.

Secondly, Fawkes was not amused by Snape spoiling his food, and being a highly magical bird, the phoenix was only too aware who had summoned the small bag from its safe spot on the sill. With a shriek that didn´t resemble the dulcet tones of phoenix song in the least the headmaster´s pet attacked Draco. It sat on the blond´s head and tried to hit him with its wings, striking Snape again and again in the process.

Nobody could tell the exact moment it happened, but suddenly Snape struck back!

The potions master used his left hand to push the attacking phoenix back!

"Severus!" cried Dumbledore and stopped his pacing for once. "You are a genius! However you did it, repeat the process with your other hand!"

Snape stared at his suddenly free left hand in wonder. Fawkes used the potions master´s distraction to launch another attack, for as the man had pushed him, the phoenix had decided that he was a more worthy enemy than Draco Malfoy.

"I´m free!" cried the younger Slytherin. He stepped – no, jumped! – away from Snape, who was still stuck to Harry´s neck. "I´m free!" he repeated enthusiastically.


	16. Chapter 16

"I´m free!" cried the younger Slytherin. He stepped – no, jumped! – away from Snape, who was still stuck to Harry´s neck. "I´m free!" he repeated enthusiastically.

"But I´m not!" whined Harry.

"Severus! What are you waiting for?" cried Dumbledore. "Let go of Harry!"

"I don´t know how I did it!" cried Snape.

"Think!" insisted the headmaster.

"I can´t think with that beast attacking! Call him back!"

"Fawkes! Come here! Good boy!" The phoenix had abandoned his fight with Snape in favour of picking at the sunflower seeds Dumbledore had produced from his pocket. "Now think, Severus!"

Snape pressed his eyes shut and concentrated as hard as he could. Dumbledore, Draco and especially Harry watched with baited breath. "I can´t do this if you´re watching!" Snape complained after a little while. He opened his eyes and relaxed.

"I can´t even remember how it happened." The potions master sounded rather fatalistic.

"Nor can I," said Harry as if anybody had expected him to.

"I think I can help with that!" The headmaster smiled smugly and opened a small cabinet to reveal a beautifully carved pensieve.

"I guess," said the old wizard, directing the pensieve out of the cabinet with his wand, "your memory will be the most accurate of the situation, Severus. So we should start with it." He lifted his wand to the potions master´s temple, his eyes asking for permission.

Snape was about to object, but a jab of pain in his left forearm let him close his eyes in resignation. "So be it," the wizard sighed, resigned.

Dumbledore gently removed a silvery strand of memory from between the potions master´s strands of hair and dropped it into the pensieve. A small spell later, Dumbledore and two very dumbfounded students watched a miniature Snape and Hooch snog behind the Quidditch stands.

"Albus!" roared Snape, blushing crimson.

The headmaster muttered a quick apology and put the memory back into Snape´s head. "Try to think about the right thing this time," he ordered before he removed another memory strand.

Snape looked murderous, and the situation didn´t improve by the fact that this memory showed him down in the dungeons with a curly blonde witch. Neither did the younger Slytherin´s wolfwhistle anything to improve his head of house´s mood.

"Really, Severus. This is not the moment to brag in front of the boys. I would have thought better of you!" accused Dumbledore.

"Brag?" screamed Snape. "Do you really think I kept all this secret only to reveal it in a moment like this?"

Dumbledore made another attempt to get the right memory, but the new one only revealed another incident with the blonde, who seemed to be a more regular visitor in the dungeons.

"This is getting ridiculous!" the headmaster snarled dangerously. "Stop being childish, Severus!"

"I´m not childish! This is my technique against pain. I think of something pleasant! And if you fail to notice, I AM in pain. I should have appeared by his side ten minutes ago."

"Will he punish you if you are late?"

"Of course he will do that! If I am lucky and my excuse is good, I will be allowed to live. If not..." Snape glared at the headmaster angrily. "But I won´t survive anyway if I turn up with Potter stuck to me."

"That´s why it´s so important that you concentrate at what happened when you let go of Draco!" The headmaster looked very serious.

Snape snorted. "I didn´t let go of Draco. I was unstuck!"

"And I want to know how. Now concentrate."

This time it worked. They watched thrice – once in slow motion – how Fawkes had attacked Snape, but neither wizard could tell which of Snape´s or anybody else´s actions had caused Draco to get free.

"Perhaps we should just try to re-enstage the whole incident," suggested Harry. "I´ll do what Draco did and the professor will do what he did, and hopefully Fawkes will repeat what he did and I´ll be free."

"I will not have my face stuck into phoenix food again!" protested Snape, but as he didn´t come up with a different plan, he lost.

Harry summoned the bag of phoenix seed and held it to Snape´s face. Snape took a deep breath and sneezed like mad, but Fawkes didn´t play along. Instead of attacking, he trilled merrily.

"Ah, there´s the flaw in our plan," sighed the headmaster. "We forgot that Fawkes likes you, Harry."

"Bloody bird," muttered Snape, spitting out sunflower seed.

"He doesn´t mean it, Fawkes," Harry soothed.

The phoenix spread his wings and burst into song. Despite his imminent death, Snape felt a little better.

-x-

The comfort the phoenix´s song offered didn´t last long though. The itch in the potions master´s forearm changed to a constant stream of pain and the man groaned.

"Do something!" Draco growled at the headmaster. "He is in pain!" He looked at his head of house pityingly. Being the son of a deatheater, the blond had a better idea of what Snape was dealing with than most. Despite being in the Dark Lord´s inner circle, Lucius Malfoy had returned home to recover from torture after a meeting more than once.

"There´s nothing we can do," Dumbledore said sadly. His face was full of regret. "I can´t allow Severus to answer the call with Harry stuck to him. Harry´s not yet ready to face his destiny."

"Then make Him believe that Snape´s not answering the call for a good reason!" Draco cried impatiently. As a Slytherin it was clear to him he had to worm his way out of a desperate situation. Gryffindors, it seemed, didn´t have that much common sense.

"What would be a valid reason in Voldemort´s eyes?" Harry asked, desperate. Snape´s fingers were contorting when a new wave of pain hit the man, leaving the young hero´s neck bruised.

"Something evil," Draco suggested.

"Evil?" Snape said through gritted teeth. "It would have to be malicious, cunning, evil, despisable and damnable at the same time. And the victim of it had to be an enemy to the Dark Lord."

"Then make Potter the victim."

"And how will we let Voldemort know that I´m busy doing his bidding."

Draco shrugged. "I haven´t told father I´m free yet."

"That actually could work." There was a faint hint of hope in Snape´s pain-filled voice.

From there, everything was easy. They had their plan ready within five minutes (three of them were spent persuading Sirius) and they didn´t lose time putting it in action.

As soon as the other wizards (Snape, Harry, Dumbledore and Sirius) were in position and had started their act, Draco threw a handful of floo powder into the fireplace and called his father. The only flaw in their plan was that they couldn´t be sure the meeting was to be at Malfoy Manor and Lucius was there, but they had to try.

For once, Snape was lucky. Lucius answered the call quite quickly. Draco explained how he had come free of Snape, ommitting the fact that his freedom had been gained by pure chance, but Lucius barely listened. Instead he watched the scene in the background.

"Headmaster!" Sirius shouted at the top of his lungs. "You can´t allow this to go on! I feared for Harry from the beginning, but now that the Malfoy boy is no longer stuck to them, you must intervene!"

"Sirius, I´m sure Severus will not take advantage of the situation." Dumbledore replied soothingly.

"Look at Harry!" shouted Sirius, "and then tell me that you honestly think that Snivellus will keep his other hand to himself! The boy is quite a catch after all!"

"How dare you accuse me of molesting Potter!" growled Snape, eyeing Harry in a manner as if he was seriously considering molesting him there and then. Harry shrunk some inches under Snape´s lustful gaze.

The headmaster looked at the scene benignly, overlooking Harry´s fearful behaviour. "Sirius, this is not the time to continue a petty childhood animosity."

The wizards stopped their show the moment Draco closed the floo connection. Now all they could do was wait. Ten excrutiatingly long minutes later, Snape smiled. "It stopped," he announced. "It seems he bought the story. Thank you!" he hinted a bow to all wizards present.

"My pleasure," muttered Harry. Being taken to the Dark Lord was not very high on his priority list.

"I will sleep in your bed tonight," Sirius Black announced before he left the office.

Snape turned to Dumbledore. "Can we take that memory and remove Potter from it? It would make fine blackmail material."

The headmaster glared at the younger wizard angrily, but Draco smiled. "I have a memory of that scene, too," he explained smugly. "And I didn´t look at Potter at all."

Harry rolled his eyes when he joined the two Slytherins to return to their rooms.

"You have to be aware," said Snape as soon as they had reached the safety of their joint quarters, "that this plan only bought us a little time. It is more important than ever that we manage to separate Potter and myself. The Dark Lord will call me soon enough to hear my report of what has happened between us."

"Urgh!" Harry made a retching noise. "Are you going to spin a tale about us for him?"

Snape looked offended. "Of course not! Do you think I have no modesty at all? I will tell him that Black forced his way into the bedroom and insisted on sleeping in there, too."

Sirius glared at the potions master angrily, but that spured Snape on rather than stop him.

"I guess I´ll elaborate on the tantrum he threw," continued the Slytherin. "I guess a detailed description of Black´s near-heart-attack will save me from the worst punishment." He looked smug for a moment, but then became serious again. "We have to work on that glue problem though. I don´t care what Flamel says about not using potions. We don´t have a month, I can assure you of that much."

"But what can we do, Professor," asked Harry. "We have tried everything we could think of. Even Professor Slughorn and Nicholas Flamel worked on it."

"If you have a brilliant plan up your sleeve, Snape," Sirius intervened, "this is the moment to reveal it."

"Unfortunately I don´t," Snape had to admit. "I have no idea what we can try. Potter is right. We tried everything."

"Not everything, Sir," Draco chimed in. "We never tried muggle nailpolish remover."

"This is not the time for stupid jokes, Malfoy," snarled Sirius.

"But Draco is right," Harry pointed out. "It´s the only thing we haven´t tried yet. And trying can´t hurt, can it, Professor?"

Snape sighed. "Desperate times require desperate measures," he muttered.

"Sirius, can you get us some muggle nailpolish remover?"

"Harry, I have no idea where to go for that stuff. I´m a pureblood and I never took muggle studies." Black sounded sincerely sorry.

"Don´t look at me," Draco raised his hands in a forbidding gesture. "I´m as much a pureblood as he is and I never took muggle studies either."

"Hermione has a bottle," Harry reminded the blond. "Go and ask her for it."

"You know very well that she and I are not on speaking terms. She´s angry with me."

"Malfoy," growled Snape, "I insist you go to Gryffindor Tower and persuade that girl to hand over her nailpolish remover. Tell her it´s for Potter. For Merlin´s sake, do I have to explain everything to you?"

Draco blushed and left at top speed.

The boy returned a quarter hour later with Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley in tow. Harry explained what had happened at the headmaster´s office.

"We are desperate," he ended his tale. "Voldemort will most likely call the professor again soon and until then we have to have solved the problem or we´ll be in real trouble."

"So you decided to finally try the nailpolish remover," smiled Hermione. "Sit down, I´ll apply it."

"I will not have you experiment with my right hand," growled Snape.

Hermione didn´t bat a lash as she stared back at the potions master. "How much do you happen to know about muggle nailpolish remover?" She glared at the head of Slytherin smugly. "I thought so," she muttered when Snape didn´t reply.

The witch rummaged for a handkerchief in her pocket, which she soaked in some nailpolish remover. She then worked the liquid gently on Harry´s neck and Snape´s fingers.

"It tickles!" Harry complained.

"It stinks!" Snape remarked. Of course the head of Slytherin didn´t stoop low enough to actually complain.

"It would help if you wouldn´t practically stick your nose into my godson´s hair," drawled Sirius.

"I´m not sticking my nose anywhere near your godson!" sneered Snape.

"Not? So, what do you call it when your nose touches his hair?"

"I´m not coming near Potter at all!" Snape was loosing his patience quickly.

"Look at you! You´d wrap around him if we weren´t here to prevent it!"

"What are you accusing me of?"

"You have to ask?"

The two wizards were shouting now. Hermione opened her mouth to intervene, but Harry shook his head slightly.

"You can´t seriously believe that of me!" Snape´s face was red with anger.

Sirius sneered at the other man. "Personally, I think that little distraction for your Lord wouldn´t have worked if the man didn´t know beforehand that this was not uncommon behaviour for you!"

"What?" Spit flew from Snape´s mouth. "I´m a teacher! My integrity has to be beyond any doubt! I´d never do such a thing and you know it!"

Black glared at the potions master angrily. "You are evil, Snape! I knew it back at school and I know it now. If I had a say in it, you´d never be let near children. Never!"

Snape ignored the other wizard in favour of looking down at his hand where Hermione Granger was still working with the nailpolish remover. "Tell me that this works!" he huffed. "I need my right hand. My right hand has a better punch!"

"It works," Hermione muttered.

"Really?" Harry enthused.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Do you really think I´d say it did if it wasn´t true? I have to give your godfather a warning, don´t I?"

"You wait, Black!" cried Snape. "In a minute I´ll be free and I´ll teach you to demage the reputation of a teacher!"

"Ron, Draco! Do something!" cried Harry. "Somebody get Dumbledore! We can´t let them fight!"

Draco smirked. "Personally, I think it would be quite entertaining. Two galleons that the professor wins!"

"No way," muttered Hermione. "Not in a fistfight. Sorry, professor!"

Ron agreed. "Two galleons that Sirius beats him up."

Harry roared with anger. "Stop that now! Where is that headmaster when I need him?"

"Don´t be a spoilsport, Harry," Ron admonished.

It turned out it was too late to get the headmaster anyway. With a roar worthy of a wounded bull Snape broke free – Harry yelped with pain when the potions master didn´t wait for Hermione to do all the work – and lunged at Sirius Black.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Draco and Ron egged the two wizards on. Hermione watched, dumbfounded that any of the adults would stoop to such undignified behaviour. The two wizards were rolling on the floor, hitting, scratching and even spitting!

Harry was the only one to keep his wits. He used the floo to call for help.


	17. Chapter 17

"Harry!" cried Dumbledore at the sight of the teenage hero´s head in his fireplace. "Do I see correctly? You are free?"

"Yes!" Harry confirmed urgently. "But now Snape and Sirius are fighting. We need your help!"

"Now, now. Those two are fighting all the time. You should be used to it by now. A little bit of bickering is nothing to get excited over."

"They are not bickering, they are fighting like in hitting each other with their fists." Harry looked behind him. "Oh, and Snape is pulling Sirius´s hair."

The headmaster shook his head sadly. "This kind of behaviour is totally uncalled for for a teacher! Step aside Harry, I´ll come through." He threw a small handful of floo powder into the hearth and stepped into the flames.

The old wizard was greeted by a quite unusual sight. Snape and Sirius were both rolling on the floor, hitting, spitting, biting, scratching like two tomcats fighting over a fish. Draco Malfoy and Ron Weasley were egging them on with a chant of "fight, fight, fight!" and Hermione Granger was nagging at the boys to shut up. Harry Potter, wizarding hero and Gryffindor´s golden boy, was standing by the fireplace, his head hanging tiredly.

"Since when has this been going on?" asked Dumbledore.

"Ever since Hermione managed to free me," Harry informed the old man.

"Did she? That girl really is an exceptionally bright witch." Without further ado the headmaster pointed his wand at the two fighting cocks and cast Aguamenti. Both wizards jumped back when they were hit with cold water.

"He started it!" they cried in unison, pointing at their respective opponent. "What? I did nothing of that kind! – Stop lying, nobody believes you anyway!"

"Stop it now!" roared the headmaster. "You´re setting a bad example for the children. You should be ashamed! Both of you!"

The two wizards didn´t answer as Lord Voldemort chose exactly that moment to call Snape again. The potions master doubled over with pain.

"I have to go!" he moaned. "He´s angry!"

"Be careful, Severus," the headmaster said softly.

The potions master acknowledged the advice with a curt nod before he hurried to meet his other master.

"He´s so brave," Hermione Granger whispered with awe.

"Brave?" snorted Black but he shut up when everybody glared at him angrily.

Was the Dark Lord going to punish Snape for not answering his last call? All they could do was wait.

-x-

In spite of having been freed and therefore being able to walk away from each other, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy spent the rest of the day in what had been their quarters together. Hermione, Ron and Dumbledore had left about an hour after Snape had gone to meet his master.

Harry and Draco sat on the couch, leaving a spot just wide enough for Snape to sit in empty between them.

"Do you think he´s alright?" Harry asked for the umpteenth time.

"We can only hope," Draco replied like he had every single time before.

Sirius Black, who was the only one to stay with the boys, bustled about pouring tea and bringing biscuits. Of course the animagus wouldn´t admit that he was worried for his childhood enemy, but his behaviour gave away how anxious he was.

"Why don´t you go to bed? It´s past midnight," the wizard tried to coax the boys.

"I want to be up when he comes back," said Harry.

Unlike the past ten times Sirius had attempted to send them to bed, Draco didn´t agree.

"You know," the blond said, "sometimes they stay at one of the guest rooms over night. The Manor is big enough after all. I guess cousin Sirius is right. Let´s go to bed."

Harry followed the blond to their bedroom without further ado. If anybody knew about deatheater meetings, it must be Draco.

Snape didn´t return until after lunch the next day. By that time everybody was on edge. Even Dumbledore was pacing his office.

"Severus!" the old wizard cried, overjoyed when he saw his potions instructor. "Where have you been so long?"

Snape made a face as if he had bitten into a lemon. "Three guesses," he muttered. He was made sit down and eat a bowl of pea soup before Dumbledore demanded he report about the meeting.

"You seem unhurt, my boy," the headmaster pointed out gladly. "So I take it everything went well?"

"Better than I had dared hope for," nodded Snape.

"Then why are you so late?" cried Black, who had insisted to wait at the headmaster´s office for the return of the potions master if Harry and Draco were allowed there.

Snape snorted. "What do you think, Black? I presented him with a tale of how I´ve been molesting Potter when he last called me. He wanted details and he wanted the story retold again and again. More than once I was in danger of being found out when I mixed up details."

Harry paled. "You gave him details?"

"Of course. He loves his juicy story."

"How could you!" The wizarding hero looked sick.

"I had to," Snape pointed out. "It was that or die. He knows about that birthmark on your left buttock."

"Great," muttered Harry. "That´s all I need. Voldemort wanting to see my left buttock when we next meet."

Snape smirked. "Don´t worry. He´ll rather go for the scar I gave you on your hip-bone to mark you as mine before I obliviated you. We have to make that scar, by the way, or he´ll know about my deceit."

"I will not be scarred by you!" cried Harry. "Why did you have to come up with such a stupid lie? And why did you say you obliviated me?"

"To answer your first question, I knew it would please him. And for the second, I don´t want to rely on you remembering what I´m supposed to have done to you correctly." Snape sneered. "It is vital for my spying that you have that scar I said you have."

"No!" Harry looked at Sirius for support. "Definitely not!"

Surprisingly, Black was on Snape´s side in the matter. "Think of it as a tattoo, Harry," he suggested.

Harry snorted. "I guess you didn´t tell him you gave me a cool scar that looks like a dragon."

"A basilisk," Snape corrected him. "He liked the symbolism. Now lower your trousers so I can give you that scar."

"No! I will not have you point your wand there!" Harry wrapped his robes tightly around his frame.

"Maybe I can help," the headmaster made himself heard. "I´m good at scarring."

"If anybody scars my godson, it will be me," growled Sirius Black.

"So, who shall do it, Harry?" Dumbledore smiled.

It was a hard decision to make. Sirius was enthusiastic, Snape hated him and Dumbledore was, well, Dumbledore. Harry thought about it.

"I want Draco," he then announced.

"Draco?" spluttered Sirius. "But he´s your enemy!"

"He is; but he´s also the only one I can hex to my heart´s content if he does anything less than a perfect job. – So, will you do it, Malfoy?"

"I´ll do my best."

They did it after Black had threatened Draco to extinguish not only him, but his whole family from the face of the earth if the scar didn´t meet his standards. Harry lay down on the sofa after wriggling out of his trousers just far enough to give Draco access to the spot where the scar was supposed to be.

Draco was nervous, but after taking a deep, calming breath, he cast the spell Dumbledore had taught him two minutes ago. For a beginner, he did a splendid job. The scar looked like a basilisk, though like a slightly drunken one.

"There!" Harry spat at Snape once it was done. "Content? He has another reason to be after me now."

"See it as an insurance," Snape didn´t raise to the bait. "He won´t kill you at first sight, because he wants to see your scar first."

"Great."

"Oh come on, Potter," grinned Draco. "Just think of the fame one scar gave you. And now you have two!"

Harry paled. "You won´t tell anybody about this scar!"

Draco smirked. "Not at the time being. It´s supposed to have been made by the professor. But once the Dark Lord is gone I wouldn´t say no to being known as the wizard who gave the golden boy a scar."

"You will do no such thing!" snarled Black. "This scar is private!"

"Nothing is..."

Draco was interrupted by the floo bursting to life. Harry fastened his trousers hastily when Nicholas Flamel stepped into the office.

"I think I have the solution," he announced without preamble. He stopped short when he saw Snape stand boyless by the desk. "Since when have they been unstuck!" he cried angrily.

"Yesterday evening," admitted Dumbledore.

Flamel shot his old friend an angry look. "And you let me waste another day on finding a cure?"

"It was a quite hectic day. I was going to notify you in the evening." Dumbledore said soothingly.

"Hectic? Once you reach my age, you will see that every minute of the day is prescious. I don´t have time for petty excuses!"

Dumbledore smiled and waved the other wizards out of his office.

"Nicholas, why don´t we take some minutes to sample that excellent wine I have in my cabinet?"

"Wine?" Flamel´s anger faded away like mist in the sun.

Harry, Draco, Snape and Sirius tiptoed down the staircase.

"I´ll see you at potions," snarled Snape before he set out for his dungeons.

"I´ll go home. Remus has been alone for too long." Sirius Black resumed his dog form and followed the potions master.

Harry and Draco stared at each other awkwardly.

"Potions," muttered the blond. Then he turned around and followed his head of house.

The End.


End file.
